Art Buchwald quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Art Buchwald

Art Buchwald Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Art Buchwald on Wise Famous Quotes.

Art Buchwald quotes: The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

Art Buchwald quotes: I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

Art Buchwald quotes: I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

Art Buchwald quotes: This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday ... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday ... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

Art Buchwald quotes: Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

Art Buchwald quotes: On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

Art Buchwald quotes: Over the years I have met a lot of important people, but no one as important as Elvis Presley.

Over the years I have met a lot of important people, but no one as important as Elvis Presley.

Art Buchwald quotes: Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

Art Buchwald quotes: The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

Art Buchwald quotes: Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

Art Buchwald quotes: You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Art Buchwald quotes: War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

Art Buchwald quotes: Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we have.

Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we have.

Art Buchwald quotes: I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

Art Buchwald quotes: Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

Art Buchwald quotes: I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

Art Buchwald quotes: I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had.

I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had.

Art Buchwald quotes: I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.

I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.

Art Buchwald quotes: I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

Art Buchwald quotes: Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Art Buchwald quotes: This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys ...

This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys ...

Art Buchwald quotes: This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

Art Buchwald quotes: I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

Art Buchwald quotes: I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.

I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.

Art Buchwald quotes: I worship the quicksand he walks in.

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

Art Buchwald quotes: Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

Art Buchwald quotes: A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

Art Buchwald quotes: If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

Art Buchwald quotes: Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.

Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.

Art Buchwald quotes: An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.

Art Buchwald quotes: People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even

Art Buchwald quotes: The things that matter most are not things.

The things that matter most are not things.

Art Buchwald quotes: Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

Art Buchwald quotes: I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

Art Buchwald quotes: As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Art Buchwald quotes: If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Art Buchwald quotes: I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

Art Buchwald quotes: I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

Art Buchwald quotes: The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

Art Buchwald quotes: I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

Art Buchwald quotes: I know it's very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was.

I know it's very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was.

Art Buchwald quotes: When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it

Art Buchwald quotes: Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

Art Buchwald quotes: Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.