Albert Ellis Quotes

In fact most of what we call anxiety is overconcern about what someone thinks of you.

There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well . And the world must be easy.

People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.

For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency.

By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.

Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.

Keep my desires and goals in mind. Don't insist that they must or must not be fulfilled. Let me work unfrantically to achieve them. REBT

Needing leads to bleeding - to almost all inevitable suffering.

People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.

So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities.

Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.

The trouble with most therapy is that it helps you feel better. But you don't get better. You have to back it up with action, action, action.

The easy way out is often just that-the 'easy' way out of the most rewarding lifestyle.

Strong feelings are fine; it's the overreactions that mess us up.

To err is human; to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be sensible and realistic.

There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational.

Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny.

I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair; that's the human condition.

Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind - a biased, prejudiced, or strongly evaluative kind - of thought.

insight will help you very little.

Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them

Worry itself is one of the most painful conditions.

Convince yourself that worrying about many situations will make them worse rather than improve them.

You create severe anxiety when you jump from inclination to musturbation.

People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.

The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is to feel ashamed of or self-hating for.

Eating is always a decision, nobody forces your hand to pick up food and put it into your mouth.

I'm very happy. I like my work and the various aspects of it - going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert.

I get people to truly accept themselves unconditionally, whether or not their therapist or anyone loves them.

If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic.

Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.

I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame.

Lack of forgiveness of others breeds lack of self-forgiveness.

Even when people act nastily to you, don't condemn them or retaliate.

I hope to die in the saddle seat.

Most people would have given up when faced with all the criticism I've received over the years.

Whenever you avoid alarming situations, you almost always increase your anxiety about them.

Evolution is arranged so that a species survives, not so that it will be happy while it survives.

The great majority of the things we now make ourselves panicked about are self-created 'dangers' that exist almost entirely in our own imaginations.

You mainly feel the way you think.

Neurosis is just a high-class word for whining.

You never truly need what you want. That is the main and thoroughgoing key to serenity.

And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.

Stop shoulding on yourself

Whining about your own, others', or the world's failings is a main element in what we usually call neurosis.

Worrying about dying will hardly help you live.

Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.

Unless, of course, you insist on identifying yourself with the people and things you love; and thereby seriously disturb yourself.

You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it.

The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence.

For many years now I have had the quaint idea that all humans-yes, the whole six billion of them on this planet-are out of their fucking minds.

If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they'll kill themselves laughing.

By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn to use your past for your own future benefit.

The goal of all life is to have a ball.

We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming - or damning.

If I had been a member of the academic establishment, I could have done other experiments.

Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.

You have only to exist as you do and to live your life as best you can.

We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.

I regret that I've been so busy with clinical work that I haven't been able to spend much time on experiments and outcome studies.

Even injustice has it's good points. It gives me the challenge of being as happy as I can in an unfair world.

Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.

Most things worth having require some sacrifice, usually more than you expect.

The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery.