Tom Lehrer quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Tom Lehrer

Tom Lehrer Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Tom Lehrer on Wise Famous Quotes.

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand.

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.

If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers.

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

I think the people who say we need satire often mean, 'We need satire of them, not of us.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.

And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.

Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.

Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.

I loved high school, but I wouldn't want to do it again.

I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's American as apple pie.

San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug.

The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.

When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy or dead.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal
if you don't use your thumbs.

I'm not interested in promoting myself or revealing to total strangers anything about me. That's not my job.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.

Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!

Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!

They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your .

I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one
another, the least they can do is SHUT UP.

People are stupider than anybody.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

I have always found it interesting ... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.

You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Life is like a sewer - you get out of it what you put into it.

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

When I was in college, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl.'

I wasn't really a performer by temperament.

But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.

In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it ... research.

Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.

So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV

People would go anywhere to see a famous person in the flesh, no matter what they do.

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.

Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

I don't have the temperament of a performer, and I certainly couldn't do it every night.

I'm very proud of myself on my, whatever the literacy is, I'm pretentious, totally pretentious. I like to say 'hmm', for example.

The Lord's our shepherd, says the psalm. But just in case, we better get a bomb.

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!