Your Humor Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Your Humor
Your Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Your Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you're gonna be begging me to taste your pie.
— Carmen Jenner
If you walk out on him, I will beat you so hard your great-grandchildren will feel it.
— Angel Martinez
The thing about growing old is that when you wake up with a new pain, you can just about count on it becoming a permanent part of your life!
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley
The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in people's sides all of her life.
— Fran Lebowitz
What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?
— Eoin Colfer
Stay fit and live long and prosper, but write your own obituary now, while you can, just in case.
— Jill Conner Browne
Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.
— Lois Greiman
Crew up, Nailer!" Lucky Girl shouted. "You think I'm going to pull your ass up here like a damn swank?
— Paolo Bacigalupi
Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson"Oh, that's just a suggestion. — Si Robertson
Walk your own path and be yourself
— Joanne Nussbaum
Are you trying not to give me information? Or is cryptic your only way of communicating?
— Robyn Jones
You can tell all that about me from your measuring tape?''Well, I use the metric system, It's the only way to get really exact numbers. — Catherynne M Valente
Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?
— Bill Cosby
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables. — Bill Watterson
The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.
— Lois Greiman
Nothing was your own except the few cubic centimetrrs inside your skull
— Heather Demetrios
Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.
— Lois Greiman
Anything designed to be inoffensive isn't worth your time life itself is pretty offensive, ending as it does with death. — Holly Lisle
Trust is not hoping your partner will love you; it is KNOWING that they DO.
— Julieanne O'Connor
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
— G. Gordon Liddy
I'm going to eviscerate you and leave your organs on a pike in the yard as a warning to those who wear large jewelry.
— Libba Bray
We laughed harder than the humor deserved, which goes to show you no matter your age, you're closer to adolescence than you think.
— Lorna Landvik
CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.
— Andrew Hussie
And you've got a boy right there who looks at you like he would drink your bathwater if you'd ask him!
— Abbi Glines
It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.
— Dorothy Parker
I cannot speak your england.
— William Shakespeare
Congratulations on passing your test! Your HIV positive.
— Frankie Boyle
i just wanna eat your face!
— Rainbow Rowell
If you were in paris your food might as well glitter.
— Michelle Gable
B, hows your aim?
— Quinn Loftis
Horrible sense of humor?" Hunter's eyes twinkled as he engaged in our banter. "Compared to your one-word witticisms, I'm a fountain of entertainment.
— Katherine McIntyre
If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3).
— Jeremy Clarkson
MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.
— Patricia Briggs
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
— Steven Wright
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
— Lemony Snicket
Your precocity delighted everyone who met you even when you were behaving like a limb of Satan.
— Mary Jo Putney
Discipline, Norah. If you're going to taunt them, remember to stick out your tongue.
— James A. Owen
I think it needs work. Like all your other songs.""Yeah, well, your face will need some work after I give you a good beatin'. — Kami Garcia
I've got a tip." "Me, too. Let a smile be your umbrella and you're gonna get your dumb ass wet.
— J.D. Robb
She'll read your mind like nobody's business.
— Jayde Scott
Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
— David Sedaris
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
— Steven Wright
Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.
— Becca Fitzpatrick
Cosmic humor, especially about your own predicament, is an important part of your journey.
— Ram Dass
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."
— David Letterman
Like I'm going to pass up an opportunity to smack your cousin.
— Rachel Vincent
Follow your own weird.
— James Broughton
Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.
— Michelle Hodkin
Change is not a four letter word ... but often your reaction to it is!
— Jeffrey Gitomer
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
— Jeff Foxworthy
Clarity and focus doesn't always come from God or inspirational quotes. Usually, it takes your mother to slap the reality back into you.
— Shannon L. Alder
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
What goes in your butthole is your business, all we care about is making sure Chipotle is what comes out of it. - Rodrigo Chipotle
— Kindle Alexander
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen
— Lois Greiman
This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place.
— Peter Ustinov
Don't you fancy having one of your dresses in the Smithsonian, Shelby?""Your humor's always been on the odd side, Grant."
"Thanks. — Nora Roberts
No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE
— A.O. Storm
Find your school satyr and get his help. You need to make it to Camp Half-Blood right away.
— Rick Riordan
Welcome to the gates of heaven Adelia, and what did you do with your life? My Lord, I was a bishop's whore.
— Ariana Franklin
You can handle anything if you think you can. Just keep your cool and your sense of humor.
— Smiley Blanton
If you treat them like children, then get ready for your company to turn into one big Barney episode.
— Ben Horowitz
Limit your day to what you feel comfortable with doing - put the rest on the shelf - for further consideration down the line.
— Art Hochberg
Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!
— Terry Pratchett
Oh, shut up your little pussymouth, you mongoloid.
— John Kennedy Toole
You should always tie your shoe before walking because u just might slip one day
— Antwone Quenton Fisher
