Too Late Funny Quotes: top 34 famous quotes about Too Late Funny

Too Late Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Too Late Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something. — Mitch Hedberg

In theory I rather admire the Spaniards for not sharing our Northern time-neurosis; but unfortunately I share it myself. — George Orwell

For every guy who loves being a dad, there's another who realizes too late that he's created something his wife loves more than him. — Mark R. Brand

We have to talk about liberating minds as well as liberating society. — Angela Y. Davis

Airplane Law, The: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. — Paul Dickson

Don't go empty handed when going to a temple or to see a spiritual master. Offer something as a symbol of surrender, even if it be a mere flower. — Mata Amritanandamayi

Sorry I'm late, Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late. — Adam Rex

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late' — Oscar Wilde

It's funny how things don't matter any more when it's too late. — Carole Matthews

I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. — Scott Aukerman

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit ... retire! — Groucho Marx

I am guilty of a dreadful selfish crime. I have robbed myself of all my precious time — Robert Earl Keen

Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it. — Mark W. Boyer

Phones are only good for ordering pizza and telling someone you're running late — Amy Reed

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show. — Dane Cook

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable. — Henny Youngman

Afore me! It is so very late,
That we may call it early by and by. — William Shakespeare

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.' — George Burns

It's funny to be pigeonholed so late in life but there we are. — Maggie Smith

Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul. — William Archibald Spooner

Assumptions are unopened windows that foolish birds fly into, and their broken bodies are evidence gathered too late. — Bryan Davis

Motto for latin countries: If you're not late, you're not on time — Bogdan Vaida

In an honest man there is always something of a child. — Plato

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help. — Euripides

The late start is due to the time. — David Coleman

She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late. — Sophie Kinsella

In mainstream romantic comedies, I'm usually tearing my hair out. It's just a devastatingly difficult genre for me. — Carter Burwell

Not only do I sing to him, I sing entire conversations. You become Jerry Lewis. — Paul Reiser

I expected him to do his usual thing of Oh, Sophie, but that is impossible b/c of this big word, and that big word, and also this abstract concept. — Rachel Hawkins

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!" — Henny Youngman

Everyone expects us to have a sense of urgency for life's big things. Life measures us by how we engage ourselves in the little things. — Bob Proctor

When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing ... — Hiroko Sakai

No, it's fine. I know you're late. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, but I'm going to be in and out all day."
"That's what he said," she purred. — Dannika Dark

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. — Woody Allen