The Jokes Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about The Jokes

The Jokes Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational The Jokes quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I love working on the fly when the writers come up with new jokes on show nights. It's exciting. I love it so much. — Allison Janney

I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren't funny. — Michael Caine

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke. — Billie Joe Armstrong

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes. — Neil LaBute

I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing. — Gary Shteyngart

How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones? — Samuel Beckett

I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so the teachers didn't know what to do with me. — J. Cole

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humour is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. — Frank Muir

I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this generation will see. — Samantha Ronson

I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd. — Jennifer Saunders

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it. — Bob Saget

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful. — Kurt Vonnegut

The joke that you laid in the bed that was me. — Alanis Morissette

Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking. — Amy Sedaris

On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it light. — Michael Haneke

It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes. — Elizabeth Banks

You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically. — Hector Elizondo

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. — Paula Deen

People usually told him the same joke two or three times. — Walker Percy

My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me. — Lincoln Steffens

I'd get home at 3:30 A.M. from the bar after my shift ended at 1. I'd write jokes, film it, and then sleep. So I did that for two years. — Katie Nolan

I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date. — Mary McCormack

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

The higher you rise in the business ladder, the smaller your balls become. — Santosh Kalwar

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell. — Lee Trevino

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous. — David Cross

Even 'Lord of the Rings' had dwarf-tossing jokes in it. It's like, 'Really?' — Peter Dinklage

The best jokes are uncalled-for. — Julien Torma

Check out the very best of Hollywood jokes that will make you laugh — Joan Crawford

And another ingredient for your pot of adolescent jokes soup." The — Love Belvin

I may make jokes about Microsoft at times, but at the same time, I think the Microsoft hatred is a disease. — Linus Torvalds

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes. — Thomas Aquinas

I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes. — Michael Lehmann

I'm not built for war. I'm built for entertainment. I'm built for jokes - either telling them or being the butt of them. — Josh Peck

Please leave my computer alone.. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat. — Heather Wolf

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there. — Donald Glover

Have you considered the option of getting the joke? If not, try it now and redeem your soul. — Erik Naggum

Let's hit the joke once and move on to the next joke and just keep it where we have as many jokes per square inch as possible. — Eric Andre

For all the jokes and complaints about the aches of air travel, it's pretty marvelous, if you think about it. — Tsh Oxenreider

Women are often pushed into the idea that they write softer, more character-driven jokes. — Allison Silverman

My English is closer to the literary English, and I'm not very familiar with jokes in English or with, you know, with small talk in English. — J.M.G. Le Clezio

Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie. — Aziz Ansari

You are a fucking delight, princess. It's like you know the dirty jokes in my head I'm too scared to make in front of you. — Melanie Harlow

You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie. — Kristen Stewart

I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it. — Pedro Almodovar

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke. — Jay Leno

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back. — Wanda Sykes

Sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them. — David Foster Wallace

I like there to be a joke in practically every photo I take. Nobody has the right to make photography boring. — Norman Parkinson

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny. — Philippe Falardeau

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke. — Robin Williams

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes. — Al Madrigal

The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle.

I tell the most horrible jokes. — Emmanuelle Chriqui

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is ... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying. — Lea Thompson

I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes. — Jonathan Winters

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. — Magdalen Braden

I wish there were jokes in the cat world," Buddy sighed. "Want to try to one? Let's think of a prank we can pull on the boys. — Gretchen Preston

You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. — Muhammad Ali

Say,' I said. "What brings you out here at this hour of the morning, for a thing like this?"

'The bus,' he said. — Hunter S. Thompson

Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He's just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it. — Kelley Armstrong

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart. — Steve Harvey

The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes. — Paul Feig

Pointing out the emotion in a scene is like laughing at your own jokes. — Diana Gabaldon

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." — Joan Rivers

I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes. — Michael Schur

The man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. — Joseph Hansen

If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out. — Marian Wright Edelman

A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap. — Kurt Vonnegut

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them. — John Lasseter

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living. — Jamie Foxx

All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again. — Kurt Vonnegut

One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes. — Desi Arnaz

I think writers have become hypnotised by the number of jokes on the page at the expense of character. — Sherwood Schwartz

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard. — Kathy Griffin

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them. — Johnny Carson

I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. — Scott Aukerman

The public is gullible ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth. — Bill Maher

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes about Ariel Sharon. — Ann Coulter

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there. — George S. Kaufman

And there'd be no more jokes in Music-halls
To mock the riddled corpses round Bapaume. — Siegfried Sassoon

Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're really flat and don't work. — Paul Reubens

Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney. — Craig Ferguson

Words played an important part in my growing up. Not only the written word ... but words that flew through the air: jokes, riddles, puns. — James Howe

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. — Dave Barry

Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best. — Aziz Ansari

Now's not really the time for jokes," I growled.
He looked offended."There's always time for sarcasm. — Scott Tracey

The increasing seriousness of things, then that's the great opportunity of jokes. — Henry James

In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington. — Rich Little

I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression. — Robert M. Pirsig

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude. — Norm MacDonald

There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see. — Agnes Repplier

I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind. — Eric Andre

I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights. — Marlon Wayans

On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly have. — Michael Leunig

Whites and Indians laughed at most of the same jokes, but they laughed for different reasons. — Sherman Alexie

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr

You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that. — Abe Burrows

You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever. — Brandon Sanderson