The Jokes Quotes
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The Jokes Quotes & Sayings
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I love working on the fly when the writers come up with new jokes on show nights. It's exciting. I love it so much.
— Allison Janney
I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren't funny.
— Michael Caine
I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.
— Billie Joe Armstrong
I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.
— Gary Shteyngart
How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?
— Samuel Beckett
I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this generation will see.
— Samantha Ronson
I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd.
— Jennifer Saunders
A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
— Bob Saget
The joke that you laid in the bed that was me.
— Alanis Morissette
On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it light.
— Michael Haneke
It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes.
— Elizabeth Banks
You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.
— Hector Elizondo
People usually told him the same joke two or three times.
— Walker Percy
My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me.
— Lincoln Steffens
I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date.
— Mary McCormack
I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
— Michael Summers
The best jokes are uncalled-for.
— Julien Torma
I may make jokes about Microsoft at times, but at the same time, I think the Microsoft hatred is a disease.
— Linus Torvalds
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
— Thomas Aquinas
I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes.
— Michael Lehmann
Please leave my computer alone.. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat.
— Heather Wolf
Have you considered the option of getting the joke? If not, try it now and redeem your soul.
— Erik Naggum
For all the jokes and complaints about the aches of air travel, it's pretty marvelous, if you think about it.
— Tsh Oxenreider
Women are often pushed into the idea that they write softer, more character-driven jokes.
— Allison Silverman
My English is closer to the literary English, and I'm not very familiar with jokes in English or with, you know, with small talk in English.
— J.M.G. Le Clezio
Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
— Aziz Ansari
You are a fucking delight, princess. It's like you know the dirty jokes in my head I'm too scared to make in front of you.
— Melanie Harlow
You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie.
— Kristen Stewart
I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it.
— Pedro Almodovar
I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.
— Wanda Sykes
Sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.
— David Foster Wallace
I like there to be a joke in practically every photo I take. Nobody has the right to make photography boring.
— Norman Parkinson
I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.
— Philippe Falardeau
Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke.
— Robin Williams
I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.
— Al Madrigal
The gods too are fond of a joke.
— Aristotle.
I tell the most horrible jokes.
— Emmanuelle Chriqui
The whole experience of doing a sitcom is ... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.
— Lea Thompson
I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes.
— Jonathan Winters
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
— Magdalen Braden
I wish there were jokes in the cat world," Buddy sighed. "Want to try to one? Let's think of a prank we can pull on the boys.
— Gretchen Preston
You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Say,' I said. "What brings you out here at this hour of the morning, for a thing like this?"'The bus,' he said. — Hunter S. Thompson
Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He's just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it.
— Kelley Armstrong
People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.
— Steve Harvey
I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes.
— Michael Schur
The man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client.
— Joseph Hansen
If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.
— Marian Wright Edelman
A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap.
— Kurt Vonnegut
Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
— John Lasseter
All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again.
— Kurt Vonnegut
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.
— Desi Arnaz
I think writers have become hypnotised by the number of jokes on the page at the expense of character.
— Sherwood Schwartz
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
— Kathy Griffin
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
— Johnny Carson
I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes.
— Scott Aukerman
There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.
— George S. Kaufman
And there'd be no more jokes in Music-hallsTo mock the riddled corpses round Bapaume. — Siegfried Sassoon
Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're really flat and don't work.
— Paul Reubens
Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.
— Craig Ferguson
Now's not really the time for jokes," I growled.He looked offended."There's always time for sarcasm. — Scott Tracey
I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression.
— Robert M. Pirsig
I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights.
— Marlon Wayans
On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly have.
— Michael Leunig
Whites and Indians laughed at most of the same jokes, but they laughed for different reasons.
— Sherman Alexie
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
— Jimmy Carr
