Stanhope's Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Stanhope's

Stanhope's Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Stanhope's quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000. — Doug Stanhope

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope

I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee. — Doug Stanhope

Canada, the drinking age is 18, that's unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them. — Doug Stanhope

Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk? — Doug Stanhope

To love, to be loved, and to be useful: these are the most important elements in a happy, meaningful life, and they can be achieved anywhere. — Syrie James

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system! — Doug Stanhope

Idleness is only the refuge of weak
minds, and the holiday of fools. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig. — Doug Stanhope

Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well. — Doug Stanhope

Ridicule is the best test of truth. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing ... fight to get new weirder ones ... and weirder establishments to do them in. — Doug Stanhope

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now. — Doug Stanhope

The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day. — Doug Stanhope

Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves — Philip Dormer Stanhope

Dispatch is the soul of business. — Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit. — Doug Stanhope

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? — Doug Stanhope

I assisted at the birth of that most significant word "flirtation," which dropped from the most beautiful mouth in the world. — Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

I shall go on making sublime and philosophical discoveries, and employing myself in deep, abstract studies. — Lady Hester Stanhope

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card. — Doug Stanhope

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led. — Doug Stanhope

I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps. — Doug Stanhope

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate? — Doug Stanhope

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you. — Doug Stanhope

There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit. — Doug Stanhope

There is nothing that people bear more impatiently, or forgive less, than contempt; and an injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night. — Doug Stanhope

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about. — Doug Stanhope

A poor gentlewoman, doctor, is the worst thing in the world — Lady Hester Lucy Stanhope

He's my usual type of fan ... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone. — Doug Stanhope

If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions. — Doug Stanhope

Life's temporary for a reason; it gets boring after a while. — Doug Stanhope

In those days he was wiser than he is now - he used frequently to take my advice. — Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion. — Doug Stanhope

Old people always tell you: 'When you've been around as long I have, then you can argue.' As soon as they're ripped off, it's a different story. — Doug Stanhope

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party. — Doug Stanhope

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny. — Doug Stanhope

I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits; you can't smoke somebody pretty. — Doug Stanhope

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get. — Doug Stanhope

In matters of religion and matrimony I never give advice, because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

The world is a country which nobody ever yet knew by description; one must travel through it one's self to be acquainted with it. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up ... there are too many people. — Doug Stanhope

Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone. — Doug Stanhope

Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name. — Doug Stanhope

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse ... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures. — Doug Stanhope

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get. — Doug Stanhope

People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience. — Doug Stanhope

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs. — Doug Stanhope

Accept a miracle, instead of wit See two dull lines, with Stanhope's pencil writ. — Edward Young

Keep your own secret, and get out other people's. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope

It's our flaws who make us who we are. — Doug Stanhope

I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end. — Doug Stanhope

There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house. — Doug Stanhope

Get the right to marry - and then don't. — Doug Stanhope

When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive. — Doug Stanhope

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me. — Doug Stanhope

We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar. — Doug Stanhope

Whatever worth doing at all is worth doing well. — Pillip D.Stanhope

I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me ... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye. — Doug Stanhope

My roses are my jewels, the sun and moon my clocks, fruit and water my food and drink. — Hester Lucy Stanhope

I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it. — Doug Stanhope

The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds. — Doug Stanhope

Let blockheads read what blockheads wrote. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA. — Doug Stanhope

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week. — Doug Stanhope

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing. — Doug Stanhope

Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons. — Doug Stanhope

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better. — Doug Stanhope

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth. — Doug Stanhope

America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It's like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box. — Doug Stanhope

All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself. — Doug Stanhope

Many a man would rather you heard his story than grant his request. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

Sex is free fun for poor people. — Doug Stanhope

I don't know. Both my parents are dead. So? Wait, I got pictures of their corpses in my wallet. I had them blown up as murals. Here. — Doug Stanhope

High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography. — Doug Stanhope

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press. — Doug Stanhope

So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps. — Doug Stanhope

Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help. — Doug Stanhope

However it happened, you are my wife and I am grateful. I look at you and I know you were worth waiting for.
- Sebastian Stanhope — Diana Quincy

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child. — Doug Stanhope

Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress. — Doug Stanhope

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more. — Doug Stanhope

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop. — Doug Stanhope

What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him. — Doug Stanhope

If I was a freak of nature ... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall. — Doug Stanhope

A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

When a person is in fashion, all they do is right. — Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society. — Doug Stanhope

Any affectation whatsoever in dress implies, in my mind, a flaw in the understanding. — Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope

Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life. — Doug Stanhope

I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic. — Doug Stanhope

Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism. — Doug Stanhope

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do. — Doug Stanhope

The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease. — Doug Stanhope

The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs. — Doug Stanhope

Coward is the most misused word in our society. — Doug Stanhope

The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake. — Doug Stanhope