Short Humor Quotes: top 72 famous quotes about Short Humor

Short Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Short Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

You can take the barbarian out of the tavern, but he can take the blood out of your body. — Greg X. Graves

Another family crisis: The rabbit goes blind. — Jacob M. Appel

I almost short her once or twice, but the excitement ends there. — Becca Fitzpatrick

There's a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus "Leave me the fuck alone" comes out as "Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point. — David Sedaris

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom. — Noel Coward

The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights) — Warren Moore

I believe that because I had obtained a wife who was made up of wife-signs (beauty, charm, softness, perfume, cookery) I had found love. — Donald Barthelme

I wax poetic
On the beauty of sewers
Real short poem. Done — Rick Riordan

Do short people reach their full potential quicker? — Benny Bellamacina

Life is too short to give a fuck. Jump in the pool butt ass naked and do it up. — Richard P. Denney

Although I understand that all days are equal with 24 hours each, most of us agree that Friday is the longest day of the week and Sunday the shortest! — D.S. Mixell

Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time. — Sandi Lynn

Life's too short, drive it like ya stole it! — Debra L. Hartmann

A sermon should be like a woman's dress. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep your attention. — J. Golden Kimball

Eden," Cyrus snapped bringing her back to the present. "I have a sword pointed at you. Will you please focus — Samantha Young

I try to make my comments like a woman's skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting. — Adam Clayton Powell III

And for the record, I'm not short! I'm space-efficient. — C.T. Oliver

He's one fry short of a Happy Meal. — Rush Limbaugh

Will Cato's alien buddies come en masse and invade Earth? He's not sure but he'll try to keep humanity in the loop. — John Hopkins

A short life and a merry one at that! — Bartholomew Roberts

Ty is green but never with envy. Best of all, he's usually available to help move a heavy piece of furniture. — John Hopkins

Well, how did you die, then?" the old man finally asked.
"Die?" Matthew threw back. "Are you crazy? I'm not dead. I'm just very late. — J. Tonzelli

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember? — Eoin Colfer

Suspense is very important. Even though this is humor and they're short stories, that theory of building suspense is still there. — Sergio Aragones

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet — Josh Stern

Life is too short to skip the sprinkles. — Pandora Spocks

Bentley is a good bee with a shaky sense of direction and an appetite for mayhem. Just don't call him a drone. He hates that. — John Hopkins

Unaware that he is only interested in the presumed parched pucker in her pants, she is more than happy to give him her phone number. — Curtis Ackie

Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all. — Donald O'Connor

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. — Ellen DeGeneres

Life is short unless agony is long. — Brian Spellman

Listen, last time I talked to you three, you were all two oars short of having any oars, so I don't want to hear it. — James Riley

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. — Erin Mitchell

When you walk a dog on a short leash, she's close enough to bite you. — Ilona Andrews

Well why don't you lean over this counter a little more and give me your best kiss, and then I'll tell you if I want you to take me out to dinner. — Zack Love

Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights) — Jane Dentinger

I don't know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous. — Eoin Colfer

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby. — Criss Jami

When do you bleed a patient?"
The question brought me up short. "When I want him to die?" I asked dubiously. — Patrick Rothfuss

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor! — Christina Scalise

(On her son) I've met writer's block. He is short, diapered and keeps unplugging my laptop. Good news: he can be conquered with a bottle and a nap. — Cyrese Covelli

I'm so glad I put a hot, naked guy on my Christmas wish list. I just didn't think Santa would actually deliver one. — Patricia W. Fischer

Life is short. Eat dessert first
-Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink And The Meaning Of Life — Wendy Mass

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days. — Ellen DeGeneres

I need a sound-proof room to tie up the inner critic, gag her and nail the door shut. But she keeps escapping. Poor knots and short nails. — Judy L Mohr

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. — Mark Twain

One thing I have always been is too short. It's adorable when you're in junior high. After that, it's a pain in the ass for the rest of your life. — Elizabeth Berg

Mama has such cleverly timed headaches I wonder if she has any at all. — A.E. Moseley

I appreciate this, but I just want to know one thing: How are you going to fuck me? — Michael Lewis

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence. — Jasper Fforde

You know Dahmer was a cannibal. You think he was a zombie?"
Tom smirked. "I'm no expert, but not all cannibals are zombies. — H.D. Timmons

I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders. — Eoin Colfer

Why would I draw the short straw? — Kresley Cole

I'm actually writing a short story about a photographer who went completely insane trying to take a close up photo of the horizon. — Steven Wright

My whore of a brother has done it again." "Then, as always, orders me to clean up the mess." "I think I hate him." Poseidon to his brother, Zeus. — Yelle Hughes

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights) — Eve Kagan

Life is way too short to get lost, so follow the script the way it comes and keep changing the checkpoints on every page. — Neetesh Dixit

I thought I was in love, but it was only a head cold. (Humans) — Robert Emmett

Free from ivory-tower
the pencil twirls
across the footpath — Santosh Kalwar

The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights) — Elaine Kagan

Ordinarily, anyone who made such a remark to my face would go to the top of my short list for strychnine. — Alan Bradley

Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?"

"Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick. — Elizabeth Brown

Truth is like poetry.
And most people fucking hate poetry. — Adam McKay

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer? — Jennifer Weiner

Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly,
Laugh Insanely, Love Truly,
And Live With Passion. — Andy Vogt

He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax ... — Bohumil Hrabal

You're driving me fucking crazy!"
"There's a short trip! — Abigail Roux

Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee. — Jerry Coleman

Life it too short to deal with crazy people. — Karen E. Quinones Miller

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch — Keisha Keenleyside

I got the sneaking suspicion that the vampire was a couple of Peeps short of an Easter basket. — Jim Butcher

Lost Cactus is simply an urban myth. — John Hopkins