Seinfeld's Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Seinfeld's
Seinfeld's Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Seinfeld's quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist.
— Jerry Seinfeld
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.
— Jerry Seinfeld
See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.
— Jerry Seinfeld
If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.
— Jerry Seinfeld
My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.
— Jerry Seinfeld
And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.
— Jerry Seinfeld
There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don't have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Sex, that's meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that's heavy. That's like an hour.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me
— Jerry Seinfeld
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.
— Jerry Seinfeld
There is no community service in 'Seinfeld.' But rather than lauding that, I think it shows the insane banality of it.
— Jason Alexander
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets ... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
— Jerry Seinfeld
If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire
— Jerry Seinfeld
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have
— Jerry Seinfeld
When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
— Jerry Seinfeld
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience.
— Jerry Seinfeld
We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.
— Jerry Seinfeld
You could go to Estonia and there's probably an episode of 'Seinfeld' playing there. Television is a very powerful thing.
— Yul Vazquez
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Ever noticed that no matter what happens in one day, it exactly fits in the newspaper?
— Jerry Seinfeld
All magic is 'Here's a quarter, now it's gone. You're a jerk. Now it's back. You're an idiot. Show's over.'
— Jerry Seinfeld
You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!'
— Jerry Seinfeld
Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I like money, but it's never been about the money.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Jary, Garge, Elane and Daved Pady emerge from the Lamborgini Veneno like sad clown's from the SICKEST clown car ever.
— Seinfeld 2000
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that's your answer.
— Jerry Seinfeld
[Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was nominated for a Grammy for his spoken-word children's album] Halloween ... Don't Give Up on Me.
— Jamie Lee Curtis
You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind
— Jerry Seinfeld
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic,
— Jerry Seinfeld
Celebrity is no different from any other energy. It's a force for good or evil. It's no different from money. It's power.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.
— Jerry Seinfeld
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I look at Seinfeld - he looks like he's having fun. He's just enjoying being Jerry Seinfeld, you know, on 'Seinfeld.'
— Jerrod Carmichael
You see, that's the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.
— Jerry Seinfeld
It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
— Jerry Seinfeld
What's the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don't they call it Roundtine?
— Jerry Seinfeld
I've been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It's just something I'm very aware of.
— Jerry Seinfeld
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.
— Jerry Seinfeld
The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.
— Jerry Seinfeld
What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?
— Jerry Seinfeld
There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I like any cereal. I like the idea of just eating and drinking with one hand without looking.
— Jerry Seinfeld
He'd never seen Seinfeld, so he didn't know who Puddy was or anything.
— Patrick Warburton
Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I sold my house to Jerry Seinfeld.
— Billy Joel
I'm no Jerry Seinfeld. I wasn't raised with some backyard with a creek and trees and all that.
— Tracy Morgan
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld has an interesting theory. He goes, '20 pounds up or down, and you lose your funny.'
— Jason Alexander
The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
— Jerry Seinfeld
I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
— Jerry Seinfeld
That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
— Jerry Seinfeld
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
— Jerry Seinfeld
I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
— Jerry Seinfeld
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
— Jerry Seinfeld
Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.
— Jerry Seinfeld
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
— Jerry Seinfeld
Actually, I think that 'Seinfeld' tackles the same kinds of issues as 'Six Feet Under,' just in a different way.
— Bruce Eric Kaplan
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I remember when I got a part on 'Seinfeld' it was like an out of body experience, I was so excited.
— Sarah Silverman
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.
— Jerry Seinfeld
It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it.
— Jerry Seinfeld
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
— Jerry Seinfeld
To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information.
— Jerry Seinfeld
There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids.
— Jerry Seinfeld
