Relationship Funny Quotes: top 71 famous quotes about Relationship Funny

Relationship Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Relationship Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships. — Greg Behrendt

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling

You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him? — Ann Dunham

It's funny how everyone has a bizarre relationship with Google. The knowledge is there, but no one knows how to use it right. — Jonathan Gold

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage. — Will Rogers

My only relationship policy is, don't bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don't let it affect your work. — Paula Graves

After all, nothing nurtures a friendship bond more than the ability to consistently bitch about someone else! — Pawan Mishra

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up. — Carroll Bryant

A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder. — A.R. Gurney

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage. — Bill Ballance

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. — Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma. — Jo Brand

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. — Bob Monkhouse

You're going to be trouble, aren't you?"
"Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see. — Zoe Forward

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area. — Bauvard

I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-: — Mahsati Abdul

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people" — Andy Borowitz

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag? — Madi Brown

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage. — Laura Kightlinger

You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it. — Pawan Mishra

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. — Rick Baker

Treat me like a joke, watch me leave you like its funny — Auliq Ice

Is the diameter of your index finger equal to or greater than the diameter of a super absorbency tampon? — Julie Cross

I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it — Elle Kennedy

I have kind of a funny relationship with movies. I don't have to see the whole movie to get an impression of it or to let it have an influence on me. — Lana Del Rey

The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man — Aristotle.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. — Courteney Cox

Love, honor, and negotiate. — Alan Loy McGinnis

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox. — Charles M. Schulz

If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices. — Mother Teresa

The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one. — Robert Breault

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. — Sharon Stone

I pretend he doesn't exist, and he does the same with me. — Ida Lokas

True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day. — James E. Faust

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. — Graham Norton

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math. — Mike Birbiglia

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. — Mike Birbiglia

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone. — Lenny Bruce

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. — Dave Attell

Face Book keeps asking me to complete my relationship status; I doubt it has the soul of a gossip magazine column's starving journalist. — Shahla Khan

My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there. — Carrie Fisher

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend. — Edward De Bono

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife. — Bob Phillips

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings. — Mason Cooley

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it. — Walter Matthau

On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike. — Alvin Robertson

Funny thing about love, ain't it? Sometimes it saves you and sometimes, like right then, even love isn't enough. — Eden Butler

Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!' — Dave Attell

Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky. — Cathy Ladman

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one. — Frank Skinner

Funny the only two times we use the phrase "seeing someone" are when we are referring to being in a a relationship or getting psychological help. — Deb Caletti

All sliced up and sealed tight in baggies. Guess love makes you do funny things. — Alice Cooper

Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife. — Pawan Mishra

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all. — Matshona Dhliwayo

You're sad? I'll cheer you up. You're upset? I'd love to listen. All you have to do is come to me, you know I'll be there for you. — Werley Nortreus

In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart. — Ambrose Bierce

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. — Ralph Wycherley

A woman settles down when she meets a gentleman among escaping chickens, funny baboons, and tricky hyenas .
I'm yet to meet a homosapien. — Himmilicious

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way — Ali Shariati

Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death. — Jeevagan Nagarajan

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there. — George Burns

Seek Not Every Quality In One Individual. — Confucius

All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf. — John Wayne

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. — Albert Einstein

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. — Mark Twain

You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet. — Pamela Anderson

Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around. — Mark W. Boyer

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. — Rodney Dangerfield