One D Funny Quotes: top 64 famous quotes about One D Funny

One D Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational One D Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

One does not simply ring Roland.
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews

He left the key in the ignition. No one was likely to come up here and steal the truck- and if anyone did ... well, he could deal with Charles — Patricia Briggs

Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three ... and so on.
Nesta — Cathy Hopkins

Pick this one, she vibrates! — Erica Larsen

Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. — Tom Sizemore

During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. — Jerry Stiller

It is funny how no one seems to want my always excellent advice. — Anne Lamott

On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure. — Oscar Wilde

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks. — Sarah Silverman

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV! — Milton Jones

Penumbra [...] produces another e-reader - it's a Nook. Then another one, a Sony. Another one, marked KOBO. Really? Who has a Kobo? — Robin Sloan

I want to do drama - no one really sees that. People just think I'm the funny guy and I can't do anything else, and that's just not true. — Mark Indelicato

Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. — Charles Caleb Colton

Thanks for coming, Zach told him. He slapped Jonas on the back. And I felt like I'd fallen into an alternate universe. One where Zach had ... friends. — Ally Carter

Sorry I'm late, Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late. — Adam Rex

Don't you think you're quite young?'
'I'm twenty-one,' said Brida. 'If I wanted to start learning ballet, I'd be conseidered too old. — Paulo Coelho

What once were two, are one — George Saunders

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

No One Diets on Thanksgiving. — Erma Bombeck

How much detention did you get?
Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins

It's all about one split-second. Boxing is a funny thing. You blink your eyes and somebody says good night to you. — Kostya Tszyu

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me! — Jim Carrey

I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap'n Crunch and I'd have to take a nap. — M.J. McGuire

I'd love to be able to fit in a box. Like one of those people who fit into small boxes. I'd love it. — Robert Pattinson

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case. — Carla H. Krueger

I just don't know what I'd do without a brain, Simone!" I say. "I mean, what's a person without one? — Randa Abdel-Fattah

I've seen all the Judd Apatow movies, and I'd love to have a really funny little part in one of them some day. — Miranda Cosgrove

It'd be a funny old world, he reflected, if demons went round trusting one another. — Terry Pratchett

Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up! — Dylan Moran

Buddha is pretty funny. Buddha is the coolest, though. If I had to go with one, I'd probably party with the Buddha. — Jack Black

At one point you think, well, it's funny, I could just be a starving actor. So if somebody were to pull the plug, there'd be no room for complaint. — Michael Fassbender

It'd be funny if one of them was called Gavin. Funny but irrelevant. — John Marsden

Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss. — Dwight D. Eisenhower

Kill the unclean one!
Being called that was really getting old. Like it'd been funny the first two times ... — Kresley Cole

When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around. — Jerry Coleman

If I could read a book, I'd definitely read one of yours. — Paris Hilton

Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know. — Michael Hogan

As humans we speak one language ... — Avril Lavigne

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. — Elizabeth Eulberg

Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor — Sherrilyn Kenyon

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an 'idea'. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave. — Leah Broadby

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.
-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously? — Jim Jefferies

I don't think of any sentence as a "one-liner", but I do pay attention to how people actually speak when they are being funny. Rhythm is key. — Lorrie Moore

Penard's got a secret baby!' Fifteen-year-old Richard twisted his lips up at one end. 'Maybe he has a secret wife in the attic! — Olivia Newport

There are some situations from which one can only escape by acting like a devil or a lunatic. — George Orwell

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet. — Jules Barnard

No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits. — Nick Hornby

I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one. — Cameron Diaz

The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge. — Albert Einstein

Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding. — Tamora Pierce

Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked.
"In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as it were entirely normal. — Cassandra Clare

It is best one should quote what one doesn't understand at all in the language one knows the least — Voltaire

I may not beleive in God, but I believe in guilt and no one wants to dick around with eternity, even if it isn't there. — Jonathan Tropper

Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife. — Mark Watson

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!" — Henny Youngman

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern. — Chelsea Handler

I ought to write funny books. Life is really too horribly funny, but unless one's an outsider looking on, it's all such a bore. — Graham Greene

One of the fundamental rights of mankind should be that of wearing as many or as few clothes as one likes inside one's own home. — Sachin Kundalkar

Last year we drove across the country ... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip ... I don't remember what it was ... — Steven Wright

One longs to be funny, to make people laugh. Laughter is such a sign of approval, isn't it? — Tom Baker

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth. — P.G. Wodehouse

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing. — Gilbert Gottfried

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf. — Oscar Wilde