Norm Macdonald Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Norm Macdonald
Norm Macdonald Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Norm Macdonald quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
— Norm MacDonald
I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.
— Norm MacDonald
Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.
— Norm MacDonald
There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
— Norm MacDonald
There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.
— Norm MacDonald
I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
— Norm MacDonald
Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
— Norm MacDonald
None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
— Norm MacDonald
When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
— Norm MacDonald
We advise others better than ourselves.
— Norm MacDonald
If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
— Norm MacDonald
You can't love your team without hating another team.
— Norm MacDonald
I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
— Norm MacDonald
In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
— Norm MacDonald
If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.
— Norm MacDonald
You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.
— Norm MacDonald
You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
— Norm MacDonald
The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
— Norm MacDonald
Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
— Norm MacDonald
The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
— Norm MacDonald
I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.
— Norm MacDonald
Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.
— Norm MacDonald
Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
— Norm MacDonald
I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
— Norm MacDonald
We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
— Norm MacDonald
If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.
— Norm MacDonald
Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
— Norm MacDonald
The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
— Norm MacDonald
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
— Norm MacDonald
I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
— Norm MacDonald
Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage.
— Norm MacDonald
If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.
— Norm MacDonald
Our passions may be compared to certain slavesthe more severity we show them, the better they obey us. — Norm MacDonald
The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
— Norm MacDonald
They're like 'You're an alcoholic.' I go 'No, I'm not.' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
— Norm MacDonald
In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
— Norm MacDonald
A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
— Norm MacDonald
Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
— Norm MacDonald
A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
— Norm MacDonald
Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
— Norm MacDonald
There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
— Norm MacDonald
We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.
— Norm MacDonald
I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
— Norm MacDonald
Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
— Norm MacDonald
I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.
— Norm MacDonald
Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
— Norm MacDonald
I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.
— Norm MacDonald
Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.
— Norm MacDonald
Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
— Norm MacDonald
Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
— Norm MacDonald
I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
— Norm MacDonald
Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
— Norm MacDonald
My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.
— Norm MacDonald
Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.
— Norm MacDonald
Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
— Norm MacDonald
It is better to be idle than employed in ill.
— Norm MacDonald
I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
— Norm MacDonald
Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
— Norm MacDonald
Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
— Norm MacDonald
Few people love with the violence they hate.
— Norm MacDonald
They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
— Norm MacDonald
The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
— Norm MacDonald
Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
— Norm MacDonald
I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
— Norm MacDonald
Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
— Norm MacDonald
Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.
— Norm MacDonald
The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
— Norm MacDonald
The character of giving advice often makes us accountable for the conduct of those we advise.
— Norm MacDonald
Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
— Norm MacDonald
During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
— Norm MacDonald
Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
— Norm MacDonald
It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
— Norm MacDonald
Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
— Norm MacDonald
In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.
— Norm MacDonald
Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
— Norm MacDonald
All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.
— Norm MacDonald
The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
— Norm MacDonald
Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
— Norm MacDonald
Note to self ... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
— Norm MacDonald
The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
— Norm MacDonald
All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
— Norm MacDonald
The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
— Norm MacDonald
Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
— Norm MacDonald
RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
— Norm MacDonald
Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
— Norm MacDonald