Night Funny Quotes: top 90 famous quotes about Night Funny

Night Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Night Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

...Neferet fell smack on her butt. — P.C. Cast

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant! — Henny Youngman

How did I prepare for night shifts? When I was a small, anxious kid, I checked my mom in her sleep to make sure she was still breathing. — Joyce Rachelle

Their vaginas were just ships passing in the night, stopping to pick up every dirty sailor. — K.F. Germaine

We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet. — Ronald Reagan

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married. — Jim Norton

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. — Rodney Dangerfield

I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads. — Steven Wright

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself. — Chelsea Handler

If that was the last event of the night, it would have made a terrible ending. It was just the beginning, though. — John Duover

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma. — Jo Brand

I love 'Saturday Night Live,' and it's such a funny show. I don't know if I'm funny enough to be on it but definitely would be interested in doing it. — Lindsey Vonn

After Michael Jordan had scored a play-off record 69 points - I'll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score 70 points. — Stacey King

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. — Candice Bergen

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here? — Janet Evanovich

I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said. — Lyn Nofziger

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

Keith much preferred cats. A cat wouldn't go mad at a man traversing a wall in the dead of night; it would shrug and lick its arse — Simon Dunn

It's funny how the night that changes your life forever starts out like all the others. — Marisha Pessl

It's a fine night to have an evening. — Steven Wright

Crystal ball and candle light, I want your dance tonight. Show me the power of love as we stand together in the middle of the night. — Santosh Kalwar

One night I attended a Laughing Liberally comedy show. There was one funny comedian there - Lee Camp. — Matt Labash

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them. — Michael Summers

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence. — Tessa Dare

For my sustenance at night,
the whole that my hands can glean
from the gloom of the oak-gloomed oaks
the herbs and the plenteous fruits ... — Flann O'Brien

On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man. — Jim Davidson

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. — Rodney Dangerfield

Workin' so hard every night and day and now we get to lay back. — Gwen Stefani

I had a dream about you last night ... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive. — Nicole McKay

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. — Steven Wright

Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500. — Jerry Coleman

I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world's best ventriloquist. — Michael Summers

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried. — Henny Youngman

what would you call this haircut?"
arthur. — George Harrison

It was Saturday night and I was feelin kinda funny,
Gold around my neck, pockets full of money. — Schoolly D

God is an early bird; satan is a night owl. Everyone knows that. — Jon Acuff

Rough Night, Kitten? — Cherise Sinclair

I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube. — Mitch Hedberg

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh. — Joe Rogan

I had a dream about you last night ... Well I say dream I mean nightmare ... you were a Yankee fan. — Nicole McKay

On his teenage son: To be honest, I'm not sure the same kid comes home each night. — John Bishop

Why do women always look so funny alone at night? she thought. I guess you're so used to seeing them with someone. — Shirley Jackson

What your mind sees when you close your eyes marks the entrance to an endless universe: your imagination. — Stephen Helmes

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show. — Dane Cook

'Saturday Night Live' was like a university for funny. — Tracy Morgan

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. — Emo Philips

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise. — Steven Wright

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby. — Henny Youngman

Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer. — Charles M. Schulz

You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar! — Tina Fey

I can tell you how bad our boards are ... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings. — Carl Icahn

Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform. — Jay Leno

Mom let go of us and leaned back so she could look us both in the eye. "No more spending the night in the tree fort, you two. — Danielle Lee Zwissler

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. — Harriet Evans

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion. — Bauvard

You can go to a play that is enjoyable because it's funny, and then on the next night you can go to a play that's enjoyable because it's 'disturbing.' — Wallace Shawn

It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there. — Jerry Coleman

what with the follies and an indecent proposal it's been quite a night — Barbra Streisand

Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa. — Eugene Ormandy

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. — Rodney Dangerfield

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. — Augusten Burroughs

I had a dream about you last night ... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream. — Amy Summers

It's all about one split-second. Boxing is a funny thing. You blink your eyes and somebody says good night to you. — Kostya Tszyu

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. — Steven Wright

If cheese was a woman, I'd marry her. I'd come home and eat her every night. — Solange Nicole

Good night. Don't let the boogeyman bite"

"Mindy, there is no boogeyman, "I said as I snuggled in to bed, " I hauled Carl in years ago. — Kate Danley

I had a dream about you last night ... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs. — Amy Summers

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch. — Frankie Boyle

I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. — Scott Aukerman

It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past. — Kelley R. Martin

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out". — Rodney Dangerfield

He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother? — Johanna Lindsey

Ancient Chinese proverb," he said, heading toward the kitchen.
"He who butt-fucks all night wakes up with sore asshole. — Brad Boney

I had a dream about you last night ... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror. — Amy Summers

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear. — Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

I'm a huge fan of Adam Sandler and used to have Adam Sandler nights when I was younger. And he's so funny on the set. — Sophie Monk

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!"
"We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered. — Jim Butcher

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder. — Al Gore

And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way. — Eddie Izzard

Resolve was never stronger than in the morning, after the night, when it was never weaker — Mike Leigh

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number ... She looked great going down the stairs. — Milton Jones

Wakin' up to find another day. The moon got lost again last night, but now the sun has finally had its say. — Gwen Stefani

On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead. — Stephen Chbosky

Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much."
"Dick. That's not what you said last night."
"Bite me. — Rachel Caine

Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening. — Jerry Coleman

When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing ... — Hiroko Sakai

Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. I gave you catharsis last night. Twice. — T.J. Klune