Need Funny Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Need Funny
Need Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Need Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The best time to make friends isbefore you need them. — Ethel Barrymore
Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother.
— Katie McGarry
I will call Guido if i need to
— Amanda Stephan
I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping.
— Christy Leigh Stewart
You need anything we're only an hour away, give or take, honey. You call. We'll help you hide the body.
— Sean Michael
What a welcome sight. You know, it's funny how often people forget that presidents need to eat, too, President
— Suzanne Collins
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.
— David Sedaris
I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.
— Chelsea Handler
Funny how a woman can be bold as an army when there's a need fer it, and yet so gentle.
— Jodi Picoult
We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.
— Logan Pearsall Smith
People like you are the reason People like me need medication.
— Cheyenne McCray
I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them.
— Trevor Noah
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
— Dennis Miller
![Need Funny Quotes By Jonathan Safran Foer: Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/need-funny-quotes-by-jonathan-safran-foer-1131545.jpg "Need Funny Quotes By Jonathan Safran Foer: Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom")
Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom said] 'Sorry. I mean, screw you.' 'You need a time-out!' 'I need a mausoleum!
— Jonathan Safran Foer
I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?
— Janet Evanovich
Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
— Woody Allen
I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."
— Steven Wright
Faculty Meetings are held whenever the need to show off is combinedwith the imperative of accomplishing nothing. — Alexander Theroux
It's funny how you can go for a long time in life not needing someone, and then you meet them and you suddenly need them all the time
— Meg Wolitzer
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
— Janet Coleman
A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.
— Bill Shankly
I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
— Dave Attell
I have no future,' said Hanno. 'I need no prophecy. You talk too much, woman.
— William Nicholson
How do you know you're a mom? If you never have a Kleenex in your purse when YOU need it? L. R. W. Lee
— L.R.W. Lee
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
— George Carlin
She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.
— John Green
Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?""I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go. — Shannon K. Butcher
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
— Jim Gaffigan
Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.
— Rowan Atkinson
So you do read the papers. Usually kids your age need a bomb up their backsides, but it's good to see you've got your wits about you.
— Cecelia Ahern
I need one more bass less.
— Eugene Ormandy
No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it.
— Jessica Day George
If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
— Mike Birbiglia
Matthew Watkins: I need an afternoon pick-me-up. I accept cash and/or prizes that can be exchanged for cash. Also, hobbits.
— Jessica Park
When I need some striking inspiration about deep depression for my new painting, I just need to go to check my bank account ...
— Hiroko Sakai
Would I laugh?""Matter of fact, you would," says Zeb. "Heart like shale. What you need is a good fracking. — Margaret Atwood
No need to continually insist upon your unshakable masculinity.
— Veronica Roth
I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.
— Jerry Seinfeld
It's funny. Writing is a solitary task, but in order to succeed at it, you need other people.
— Kim Wright
Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!
— Mitch Hedberg
The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'
— Conan O'Brien
I think it's love.''Funny.'
'I'm serious.'
'And your support for this is ... ?'
'A feeling.'
'You need more than that. — Doug Dorst
O, Need's a funny fish: it makes people untruthful. They all suffer from it, but they will not always admit.
— Salman Rushdie
I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.
— Wendy Liebman
I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.
— Jimmy Fallon
His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait that; in a spaniel. Or a whore.
— Michael Dobbs
You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
— Warren Buffett
I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.
— Mitch Hedberg
I'm going to need to save you.""Excuse me? No one needs-"
"I'm saving you, so shut up and be grateful. — Kelley Armstrong
Tradition or not, I sometimes thought putting children on an old guy's lap was already creepy enough. We didn't need to mix alcohol into it.
— Richelle Mead
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months
— Josh Stern
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.
— Lynda Barry
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.
— Jeff Foxworthy
Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".
— Ronald Reagan
Like the NRA says, it's better to have a machine gun and not need it than to need a machine gun and not have it.
— John Sandford
Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
— Dave Barry
Muhammad Ali: Superman Don't need no seat belt. Flight Attendant: Superman Don't need no airplane, either.
— Clifton Fadiman
When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.
— Alan Perlis
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
— Terry Pratchett
It's a funny thing about love: you don't need to have it returned to love somebody. Loving's enough. A Prologue to Love — Taylor Caldwell
I only lie for sex or money or to practice for when I need to lie for sex or money.
— Stephen Schneider
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
— Robin Williams
I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
— Jimmy Kimmel
You need to be silly to be funny.
— William Shatner
People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.
— Wes Adamson
I don't need a president with a bucket list!
— Chris Rock
Most humans expressed affection by pressing their lips together, a simple act, so why would anyone feel the need to research the process?
— Melissa Landers
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?
— Mitch Hedberg
Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand.
— S.K. Logsdon
A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.
— Samuel Hall Lord