Mitch's Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Mitch's

Mitch's Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Mitch's quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot! — Mitch Hedberg

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing. — Mitch Hedberg

You can't be in the tech community ... without realizing there's a big shortage of talent. — Mitch Kapor

Intentions. That's important in music, too. Critically important. What you're thinking about can be what you become. — Mitch Albom

It's not contagious, you know. Death is as natural as life. It's part of the deal we made. — Mitch Albom

Do you understand? Why we're here? This is not your heaven. It's mine. — Mitch Albom

If advertisers want to decorate their ads to increase their conversions by showing what users think, that's a good thing. — Mitch Kapor

'Arrested Development' is great; Mitch Hurwitz is great. Plus, it's the one show I've ever had where, on the small parts, he just let me cast people. — Allison Jones

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created. — Mitch Hedberg

I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!" — Mitch Hedberg

A memoir should have some uplifting quality, inspiring or illuminating, and that's what separates a life story that can influence other people. — Mitch Albom

If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it's going to happen anyhow. — Mitch Albom

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end. — Mitch Hedberg

Oakland's time is coming. In fact, Oakland's time is already here. Tech is coming to Oakland, and it's terribly exciting. — Mitch Kapor

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer. — Mitch Hedberg

The door opened and Tack's eyes cut to it to see Brock "Slim" Lucas and Mitch Lawson coming through the door. — Kristen Ashley

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky ... — Mitch Hedberg

It's a violent galaxy filled with cutthroat pirates, cyber-mercenaries and star messiahs. If peace comes, it will have to steal in like a thief. — Mitch Michaelson

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert

Mitch Hurwitz was like a father figure to me. He was so sweet, and he's just so smart. — Alia Shawkat

No offence Mitch, but you look like s*****."
"I feel like s**** — Vince Flynn

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that. — Mitch Hedberg

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread. — Mitch Hedberg

Talent is a piece of God's shadow. And under that shadow, human stories intersect. — Mitch Albom

It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo. — Mitch Hedberg

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky. — Mitch Hedberg

It's weird ... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then? — Mitch Hedberg

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means ... it's dirty. — Mitch Hedberg

People who smoke cigarettes, they say "You don't know how hard it is to quit smoking." Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. — Mitch Hedberg

He leaned in close. He saw his father's dirty hands. He spoke the last familiar words in a whisper.
Its' fixed. — Mitch Albom

Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break. — Mitch Hedberg

Mitch, that's what faith is. If they spit in your face, you say it must be raining. But you still come back tomorrow. — Mitch Albom

I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008. — Mitch Hedberg

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language. — Mitch Hedberg

Lotus's efforts around the Mac were pathetically unsuccessful, which is sad. — Mitch Kapor

AirWalker. With a name like that, it had to be Mitch Walker's plane. Was it possible she'd found herself a bush pilot with a poetic soul? — Cheryl Cooke Harrington

It's not music, it's a disease. (on rock'n'roll) — Mitch Miller

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers ... NOPE ... we got spaghetti! — Mitch Hedberg

In a strange way, I envied the quality of Morrie's time even as I lamented its diminishing supply. Why did we bother with all the distractions we did? — Mitch Albom

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them. — Mitch Hedberg

The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique. — Mitch Hedberg

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it ... and he's always on time. — Mitch Hedberg

She said very quietly, "Mitch?" "What?" "There's somebody downstairs." "I know there is. — Elmore Leonard

The truth is, there is no line. There's only your life, how you mess it up, and who is there to save you.
Or who isn't. — Mitch Albom

As Republicans, our first concern is for those waiting tonight to begin or resume the climb up life's ladder. — Mitch Daniels

There is a time for hello and a time for good-bye. It's why the act of burying thing seems natural, but the act of digging them up does not. — Mitch Albom

That's what heaven is. You get to make sense of your yesterdays — Mitch Albom

I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all. — Mitch Hedberg

I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It'd be so damn literal! You are using that machine to it's exact purpose! — Mitch Hedberg

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying. — Mitch Hedberg

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control. — Mitch Hedberg

Mara, baby, never believed this shit either but now I know you were made for me. So, seein' as that's true, it goes the other way too. — Kristen Ashley

I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station? — Mitch Hedberg

I've tapdanced since I was 11 years old. I always wanted to be a tapdancer, and that's all I ever wanted to be. — Mitch Hewer

But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins. — Mitch Albom

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life. — Mitch Hedberg

Bolton's exactly what the U.N. needs at this point. The president's right on the mark in picking him. — Mitch McConnell

What's wrong with being number 2? — Mitch Albom

We must be open to God's miracles. — Mitch Albom

Don't fall asleep in classes. It's such a lucky thing you have, to be taught and to be learning and not have to be working in a shop somewhere. — Mitch Albom

I HAVE A HEARTBURN AND DIAHREA AT THE MOMENT
LIFE'S ABITCH. CHAT LATER?
[signed] SORE TUSH — Mitch Albom

There is a reason God limits man's days. — Mitch Albom

Telling me your name wouldn't kill you.
Did you hear me tell you my name's Mitch? I'd really like to hear you use it when I'm fucking you later. — Kindle Alexander

Snapchat's ramp reminded us of another mobile app Benchmark had the good fortune to back at an early stage: Instagram. — Mitch Lasky

We must display a heart for every American, and a special passion for those still on the first rung of life's ladder. — Mitch Daniels

It's too bad Mitch can't be the pregnant one.
Oh my God, he'd love that. — Rainbow Rowell

Our first thought is always for those on life's first rung, and how we might increase their chances of climbing. — Mitch Daniels

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler. — Mitch Hedberg

That kind of love - the kind you realize you already have by the life you've created together - that's the kind that lasts. — Mitch Albom

Mitch's take on humanity had deteriorated to the point where he assumed someone was lying if her lips were moving. — Jennifer Crusie

When you come to the end, that's where God begins. Many — Mitch Albom

When he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth. — Mitch Albom

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'! — Mitch Hedberg

I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!" — Mitch Hedberg

For everybody who thinks it's warming, I can find somebody who thinks it isn't. — Mitch McConnell

It's not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. — Mitch Albom

It's such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it. — Mitch Albom

Never tell a child that something it's too hard — Mitch Albom

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. — Mitch Hedberg

Sometimes even the smallest of efforts can change someone's fate entirely. — Mitch Rowland

When a lost loved one appears before you, it's your brain that fights it, not your heart. — Mitch Albom

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys." — Mitch Hedberg

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero? — Mitch Hedberg

It's not all about content. It's all about stories. It's not all about stories. It's all about great stories. — Mitch Joel

You can be a mama's boy, be a daddy's boy, but you can't be both. So you cling to the one you think you might lose. — Mitch Albom

A mother's voice is like no other. We recognize every lilt and whisper, every warble or shriek. — Mitch Albom

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's. — Mitch Hedberg

If you can command a lot of attention, that's what is valuable, and many in the commercial ecology would like to have a piece of that attention. — Mitch Kapor

At I Am My Brother's Keeper, there were no dues, no drives, no singles nights. Membership grew the old-fashioned way: a desperate need for God. — Mitch Albom

I don't want to leave the world in a state of fright. I want to know what's happening, accept it, get to a peaceful place, and let go — Mitch Albom

If information wants to be free, then that's true everywhere, not just in information technology. — Mitch Kapor

It's always difficult to watch someone you love die. — Mitch Albom

What is it about childhood that never lets you go, even when you're so wrecked it's hard to believe you ever were a child? — Mitch Albom

They gave up days and weeks of their lives, addicted to someone else's drama — Mitch Albom

Let's see if I can tear that cocoon wide open and let my Mara fly. — Kristen Ashley

When we are most alone is when we embrace another's loneliness. — Mitch Albom

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. — Mitch Hedberg

All the quantum physics experiments have occurred chiefly on the atomic scale and we are taught to believe that nature's laws are consistent. — Mitch Horowitz

That's the thing when people leave us too suddenly, isn't it? We always have so many questions. — Mitch Albom