Mark Twain Humor Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Mark Twain Humor
Mark Twain Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Mark Twain Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
— Mark Twain
Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
— Mark Twain
If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.
— Mark Twain
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
— Mark Twain
Man - a figment of God's imagination.
— Mark Twain
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
— Mark Twain
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man
— Mark Twain
Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him.
— Dick Van Dyke
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
— Mark Twain
Humor is tragedy plus time.
— Mark Twain
He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
— Mark Twain
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. — Mark Twain
There is no humor in heaven.
— Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
— Mark Twain
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
— Mark Twain
An honest politician is an oxymoron.
— Mark Twain
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
— Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
— Mark Twain
Eschew surplusage.
— Mark Twain
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
— Mark Twain
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
— Mark Twain
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
— Mark Twain
Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.
— Mark Twain
I can last two months on a good compliment.
— Mark Twain
The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
— Mark Twain
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
— Mark Twain
A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
— Mark Twain
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
— Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
— Mark Twain
I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
— Mark Twain
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
— Mark Twain
This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.
— Mark Twain
Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.
— Mark Twain
Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies.
— Mark Twain
If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
— Mark Twain
When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
— Mark Twain
Tolstoy carelessly neglects to include a boat race.
— Mark Twain
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the fellow who can't read a line.
— Mark Twain
I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again
— Mark Twain
Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer — Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.[Mark Twain, a Biography] — Mark Twain
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
— Benjamin Franklin Wade
The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
— Mark Twain
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
— Mark Twain
The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
— Mark Twain
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
— Narcotics Anonymous
Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
— Mark Twain
Humor is the good natured side of a truth.
— Mark Twain
