Jokes Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Jokes

Jokes Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jokes quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Here's my most funniest joke, I'm broke. — Lil' Wayne

I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to bad troubles like crime. — Kurt Vonnegut

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke. — Billie Joe Armstrong

You need to be my wife to win with me. — Pawan Mishra

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love. — John Oliver

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes. — Carlos Mencia

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done. — Woody Allen

Don't threaten me with a good time. — Michael Anthony

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humour is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. — Frank Muir

To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct. — John Waters

They're in trouble, Kaz had thought. Or you were dead wrong about Matthias, and you're about to pay for all of those talking tree jokes. — Leigh Bardugo

I aspire to be
an old man
with an old wife
laughing at old jokes
from a wild youth. — Atticus Poetry

I did see the Soul Train picture. That was interesting. I've heard all the jokes. I had it coming. — Mike Tomlin

That sun is lookin' good ... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome. — Tom Bergeron

Two preppies from the University of South Florida tried to hit on her with cocaine jokes. Sharon — Tim Dorsey

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest. — Ardal O'Hanlon

Why women don't blink during foreplay ... not enough time. — Joan Rivers

You start out wanting to change the world through language, and end up thinking it's enough to tell a few good jokes. — David Nicholls

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke. — Will Rogers

Time for black jokes, what's the time??
Can you handle it! — Deyth Banger

Some jokes are stupid and useless, if you can't get it. It's to stupid to go in it, but whatever!
- Make your choice! — Deyth Banger

When I watch a comedy that's just hitting you over the head with jokes constantly, some really hit, but if they miss, you're like, 'Eh.' — David Walton

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. — Will Rogers

Gladstone, how sad do you have to get before you stop making jokes? — Wayne Gladstone

Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes. — David Mitchell

in this society, things you'd think could only be bad jokes actually happen all the time. — Banana Yoshimoto

I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes. — Michael Schur

If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out. — Marian Wright Edelman

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I am not so secretly a comedian. I write a lot of my own material if you've seen videos I've done. I write jokes. — Laura Benanti

Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up. — Stephen Colbert

The man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. — Joseph Hansen

I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want to hear a good song every day. — Neil Peart

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it. — Doug Benson

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black

A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap. — Kurt Vonnegut

All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes. — Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Peace does not walk up to our doorsteps and press the calling bell! We have to go out there and search for it. — Avijeet Das

I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can still manage to focus when it counts. — Romain Grosjean

The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes. — Paul Feig

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes. — Felipe Esparza

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check. — Pat Paulsen

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Everyone can write jokes and makes things clever. — David Walton

I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. — James C. Humes

People get really scared when women reclaim words, talk about themselves honestly and also make jokes because it's a really unstoppable combination. — Caitlin Moran

Mahlke couldn't joke. He sometimes tried. But everything he did, touched or said, became solemn, significant, monumental; — Gunter Grass

To the guy who finishes my sentences and gets my jokes. Even the lame ones. — Kim Harrison

Pointing out the emotion in a scene is like laughing at your own jokes. — Diana Gabaldon

Jokes that are gratuitously offensive are synonymous with bad writing to me. I'm offended as a writer first and as a person second. — Rachel Bloom

I really like being able to laugh at my own jokes. — Neil Gaiman

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." — Joan Rivers

Be nice to everyone and tell jokes. — Gary Busey

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. — Fred Allen

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. — Milton Berle

The State trained us to make other people's terrible jokes work, which is the other part of the game when you're here. — Robert Ben Garant

I conjured for him electric skies and iridescent seas and evenings full of laughter and silly jokes. — Jojo Moyes

Yes, my mom does keep making references to marriage, like all mothers do, but it's only in a lighter mood ... she just jokes. — Saina Nehwal

I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. — Mitt Romney

I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. — Scott Aukerman

The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that. — Simon Pegg

I am not much for philosophy, but that old Descartes, he got me thinking. And therefore being. Anyone? Anyone? Cogito ergo sum jokes? No? Okay. — John Green

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter. — Tahar Ben Jelloun

If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far. — Haruki Murakami

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. — Demetri Martin

You know, OK, I made a few jokes and they killed 3000 Americans. Fair trade. — Ann Coulter

The public is gullible ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth. — Bill Maher

Come. We must go deeper with no justice and no jokes. — Michael Ondaatje

I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage. — Kathleen Madigan

Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire. — Alison Bechdel

All crises, once averted, become jokes. — Edan Lepucki

Medicine is a very old joke, but it still goes on. — Andre Maurois

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes about Ariel Sharon. — Ann Coulter

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. — Mitch Hedberg

If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. — Honeya

My English is closer to the literary English, and I'm not very familiar with jokes in English or with, you know, with small talk in English. — J.M.G. Le Clezio

I love my jokes. — Dave Chappelle

A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes. — Pawan Mishra

Fate does not play jokes. — Gamal Abdel Nasser

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. — Muhammad Ali

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living. — Jamie Foxx

All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again. — Kurt Vonnegut

I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. — Woody Allen

She laughed at bad jokes, stayed out too late, and overslept too often. Charity Hill loved holidays and she hated budgets and the alarm clock. — Elizabeth Jane Howard

One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes. — Desi Arnaz

I think writers have become hypnotised by the number of jokes on the page at the expense of character. — Sherwood Schwartz

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic. — Iliza Shlesinger

Never joke at funerals, or during business transactions. — Herman Melville

Popular men who laugh at your jokes pose a threat which blatant villains can never command. — Lindsey Davis

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray. — Jack Benny

Q: What do Jesus and Nicole Brown Simpson have in common? A: They were both killed by the Joooooooose. — Helen Thomas

I used to wonder why people made New Jersey jokes. I don't anymore. — E.J. Copperman

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before. — Frank Dane

Nurse: "You look like a pharmaceutical rep. you can leave samples in the closet."
Joe: "I'm actually a lawyer."
Nurse: "My condolences. — Jodi Picoult

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard. — Kathy Griffin

I've always admired your ability to make jokes when faced with adversity. — Jim Butcher

[The people that worked on The Simpsons] just had good taste. They knew how to execute absurd jokes. — Eric Andre

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them. — Johnny Carson

No jokes, no banter. No pre-mission — Lee Child

A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past life. — Frank Ocean