Jenny Lawson Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Jenny Lawson

Jenny Lawson Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jenny Lawson quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I have never been normal and I think we both know that. — Jenny Lawson

I'm made from a lot of unfulfilled arson. — Jenny Lawson

Australia is really a lot like Texas if Texas were mad at you and drunk and maybe had a knife. — Jenny Lawson

No " Grandlibby replied. "Hail comes from hell. The devil sent it because he's happy that you're reading evil garbage. — Jenny Lawson

A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet. — Jenny Lawson

No. I can't have sex with you today because there aren't enough spoons. — Jenny Lawson

I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up. — Jenny Lawson

I was in the midst of a medium-sized panic attack. — Jenny Lawson

Are asparaguses just artichokes that haven't grown properly? Like they started smoking and got really skinny, like supermodels? * — Jenny Lawson

Cannibals say that we taste like pork, and bacon is my spirit animal, so we're probably delicious. — Jenny Lawson

This place is very bushy," I said, using words to describe things. — Jenny Lawson

Oh my God, calm down, Darwin. Don't get all crazy just 'cause I threw a vampire monkey wrench in your faulty Jesus-zombie logic. — Jenny Lawson

I try to be honest about the shame that I feel because with honesty comes empowerment and also understanding. — Jenny Lawson

We all get our share of tragedy or insanity or drama, but what we do with that horror is what makes all the difference. I — Jenny Lawson

You never think to appreciate your arms until you need them to stop the floor from punching you in the face. — Jenny Lawson

Depression is like ... when you don't want cheese anymore. Even though it's cheese. — Jenny Lawson

The world always looks nicer when it's a little blurry - that's why so many of us have a second glass of wine at dinner. — Jenny Lawson

I just realized that men get stiletto knives and women get stiletto shoes. This whole thing is fucked. — Jenny Lawson

Which sort of shows why my body is an idiot, because forced narcolepsy is pretty much the worst defense ever. — Jenny Lawson

I am caught in a Mark Twain shame spiral. — Jenny Lawson

The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday — Jenny Lawson

I whispered to the girl next to me that I was very excited about having my first cheese tasting because I love cheese. — Jenny Lawson

Laura, they rub your face off using DIAMONDS. — Jenny Lawson

Why would I want to do more when I'm already doing so well at nothing? — Jenny Lawson

This is the same reason I listen to a lot of uber-conservative Republican radio. Because I want to know what is on the minds of my enemies. — Jenny Lawson

Plus, I won't have to feel bad for eating too many egg rolls because if I suddenly get skinny that's going to be hard to explain. — Jenny Lawson

I'm not sure I have the words to describe that moment but if there's a word that means the exact opposite of "ladylike", that would be a good start. — Jenny Lawson

If the plural of "octopus" is "octopi" then why isn't the plural of "rabbit" "rabbi"? Is it just because "octopuses" is too much fun to say? * — Jenny Lawson

I'm not overweight. I'm simply overgravitated. Spell-check — Jenny Lawson

That raccoon is my goddamn role model. He is the worst and best Patronus ever, and I want to be just like him when I grow up. — Jenny Lawson

The Spoon Theory was created by a friend of mine, Christine Miserandino, to explain the limits you have when you live with chronic illness. — Jenny Lawson

I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains — Jenny Lawson

It is an amazing gift to be able to recognize that the things that make you the happiest are so much easier to grasp than you thought. — Jenny Lawson

IIlike your skin because it keeps your organs from falling out onto the carpet. — Jenny Lawson

And whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close. — Jenny Lawson

Apparently my subconscious freaked out when I saw blood on the vet's coat and then I abruptly passed out right on my cat. (That's not a euphemism.) — Jenny Lawson

You're supposed to be sad when things are shitty, but if you're sad when you have everything you're ever supposed to want? That is utterly terrifying. — Jenny Lawson

I'd eat a human foot if it was smothered in enough cheese and butter. — Jenny Lawson

Someone once said that if you make something no one hates, no one will ever love it either, and that's true. — Jenny Lawson

everything in the world either is or isn't pandas — Jenny Lawson

Mentally ill. It's a phrase that once scared me, but now I wear it like an old jacket, comfortable but ugly. — Jenny Lawson

Then I realized I hurt too much to use Twitter and that's when I knew I was dying. — Jenny Lawson

No. You said I looked "okay," which is petty much the same thing as saying, "Well, at least your nipples are covered. — Jenny Lawson

Be happy in front of people who hate you. That way they know they haven't gotten to you. Plus, it pisses them off like crazy. — Jenny Lawson

Your Pants Are Bragging at Me — Jenny Lawson

We find ourselves unable to do anything but cling to the couch and force ourselves to breathe. — Jenny Lawson

I used to feel a lot of guilt about having depression but then I realized that's a lot like feeling guilty for having brown hair. — Jenny Lawson

Normal is boring. Weird is better. Goats are awesome, but only in small quantities. — Jenny Lawson

Things like nuclear holocaust. Or carbon monoxide poisoning. Or having to leave the house and interact with people who weren't my mother. — Jenny Lawson

If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both. — Jenny Lawson

It was a very imaginative, bitey possum and also a total douche-canoe. — Jenny Lawson

It's how people fish when they've run completely out of bait, dynamite, and any common sense whatsoever. There — Jenny Lawson

Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. — Jenny Lawson

he looked at me and Jean Louise with disgust. — Jenny Lawson

I rented sloths by the hour. — Jenny Lawson

My rule is "Enjoy the non-shitty things now because shitty things are coming. — Jenny Lawson

It (her wedding dress) was the kind of dress that both Scarlett O'Hara and Princess Diana would have deemed 'over the top'. — Jenny Lawson

Lick David Tennant's face. — Jenny Lawson

Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't
actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your
mind? — Jenny Lawson

So I'm standing there, holding a googly-eyed can of beans as it shakes and loudly farts the birthday song to me in a gas station. — Jenny Lawson

My motto has always been "Time enjoyed is never wasted." Except replace "enjoyed" with "drunk" and "never wasted" with "never not a good idea. — Jenny Lawson

Pretend you're good at it." It seemed too simple, but it was all I had so I scrawled the words on my arm and repeated it as a mantra. — Jenny Lawson

Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides. — Jenny Lawson

I can grab on to each moment of joy and live in those moments because I have seen the bright contrast from dark to light and back again. — Jenny Lawson

I wish for her to have love, and just enough heartbreak to appreciate it. — Jenny Lawson

*Spoiler alert: Bambi's mom doesn't make it. — Jenny Lawson

I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I've lost. — Jenny Lawson

There is such freedom in being able to celebrate and appreciate the unique moments that recharge you and give you peace and joy. — Jenny Lawson

I've had chronic insomnia for as long as I can remember. These are the things that eventually happen when you're alone at two a.m. often enough. * — Jenny Lawson

I don't have arachnophobia (irrational fear of spiders) because fear of spiders is perfectly rational so I refuse to recognize it as a "disorder. — Jenny Lawson

It's okay to keep a broken oven in your yard as long as you call it art. — Jenny Lawson

If you'd like to quickly round up a whole lot of assholes all in one spot I suggest going to the airport. — Jenny Lawson

In spite of the fact that I hurt more than when I was in labor, I was pretty sure the doctor was just going to tell me I needed to fart really bad. — Jenny Lawson

Cats act with their eyes. They are the small, silent film actors of their time, and they are vastly underrated. — Jenny Lawson

Even when everything's going your way you can still be sad. — Jenny Lawson

Someone has to be the worst ninja in the class. That's just basic math. — Jenny Lawson

Be as visibly fucked up as you want to be because being unique is already taken — Jenny Lawson

So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me. It's like my American Express card. — Jenny Lawson

Some days are good, and some days are bad, and some days are the days you get a dead dog in the mail. They can't all be winners. — Jenny Lawson

One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen. — Jenny Lawson

That's the thing about my father. You never know when he's hiding a giant surprise giraffe head from you. — Jenny Lawson

It's because right now? YOU'RE READING. That's what the sexy people do. — Jenny Lawson

Sometimes the depression is mild enough that I mistake it for the flu or mono, — Jenny Lawson

I honestly can't think of any drug that has more of a stigma than antipsychotics. Truthfully — Jenny Lawson

I'm always another half day behind in life. — Jenny Lawson

On the other side of fear is freedom. And usually fewer fingers than you started with. — Jenny Lawson

My grandmother used to say, "Into everyone's life a little rain must fall---rain, assholes, and assorted bullshit . — Jenny Lawson

I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars. — Jenny Lawson

Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas. — Jenny Lawson

When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them. — Jenny Lawson

As it is with all stories, fast cars, wild bears, mental illness, and even life, only one truth remains: your mileage may vary. — Jenny Lawson

Sometimes stunned silence is better than applause. — Jenny Lawson

Call me Ishmael. I won't answer to it, because it's not my name. — Jenny Lawson

Is "defeatedly" a word? As in, "She sighed defeatedly as spell-check implied that 'defeatedly' isn't a real word. — Jenny Lawson

Most people don't have poisonous tap water in their house. — Jenny Lawson

Everyone gets caught accidentally sneaking weird stuff through security sometimes though. — Jenny Lawson

That's the good thing about hanging with bloggers. Most of them are kind of fucked up in the same way you are. — Jenny Lawson

The dark side always seemed very organized and vaguely Republican. — Jenny Lawson

I almost never use B.C. and A.D. to describe time periods. I use BKCWC. Before Kirk Cameron Went Crazy. That's how I judge time. * — Jenny Lawson

No really. What exactly did you do today, Jenny? Quantify it for me."
"It's not quantifiable. There aren't even metrics for the shit I do. — Jenny Lawson