Jeff Dunham Quotes: top 37 famous quotes about Jeff Dunham

Jeff Dunham Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jeff Dunham quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on that. — Jeff Dunham

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things. — Jeff Dunham

My goal in any show is to make people laugh. That's the No. 1 thing. Everything else pales in comparison to that. — Jeff Dunham

I hate the beach - I'm a mountain guy. I'd much rather face a bear than a shark. — Jeff Dunham

I'm not trying to teach anybody anything, I'm not trying to say anything, I have no political motive whatsoever. My motive is just the big laugh. — Jeff Dunham

A lot of my best stuff is just ad libs on stage, and that's one thing that I've gotten back to at the live show. — Jeff Dunham

I'm a pretty good ventriloquist, but it's the entertainment value and the laughs that keep people sitting there and wanting more. — Jeff Dunham

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.' — Jeff Dunham

Peanut: Come here puppet boy... make your daddy talk! — Jeff Dunham

Walter: Do you see this lovely young lady sitting right here in the front row? Do you see her? Do you see her?
Jeff: Yeah.
Walter: Oh well! — Jeff Dunham

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer. — Jeff Dunham

jose jaliopinio on a stick" do you like bmw's (big mexican weman) — Jeff Dunham

Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it. — Jeff Dunham

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there for every major event. — Jeff Dunham

Shut up or i'll kill you by Achmed the dead tarries. — Jeff Dunham

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last. — Jeff Dunham

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? — Jeff Dunham

I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist. — Jeff Dunham

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show. — Jeff Dunham

Look, I know I didn't finish school but that frickin' says 'Sa ntah ah nah! — Jeff Dunham

Jeff: There's a lot of history in this city...
Peanut: Translated: Old. As. Shit. — Jeff Dunham

I always try and do everything I can to the best of my abilities, single aspect has to be perfect. — Jeff Dunham

Silence! I kill you! — Jeff Dunham

The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later. — Jeff Dunham

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark. — Jeff Dunham

Most people when they have autobiographies, they're not autobiographies, they're biographies written by a ghost writer. — Jeff Dunham

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.
Jeff Dunham: Who's there?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you! — Jeff Dunham

There are not that many ventriloquists out there who build their own characters. I love that because they are uniquely mine. — Jeff Dunham

Achmed: Two Jews walk into a bar...
Jeff: No no no no no
Achmed: You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard. — Jeff Dunham

There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity. — Jeff Dunham

That afternoon I ordered an information packet. — Jeff Dunham

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny. — Jeff Dunham

The kids who come backstage that have cancer or whatever, make them laugh and smile for a little while, what's the problem with that? There isn't any. — Jeff Dunham

Math? Forget about it. If I add four plus eight plus six, I have to count on my fingers. I guess I'm hooked up differently. — Jeff Dunham

You're the other white meat! — Jeff Dunham

I'm a geek to the bone. — Jeff Dunham

Growing up, I thought it would be great if I could do big theaters. Now we're doing arenas. — Jeff Dunham