Jarod Kintz Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Jarod Kintz
Jarod Kintz Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jarod Kintz quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Make love like you just stole it.
— Jarod Kintz
He's a buying dude, and I've got to sell him something - like my credibility. (On sale Today through Labor Day.)
— Jarod Kintz
The only thing better than word of mouth is words of mouth. Give me at least two words.
— Jarod Kintz
Give me a smelly hello, and a tasty goodbye. The two are connected, and without the first, you couldn't enjoy the second.
— Jarod Kintz
Out of all the guys she could love, I am two of them. But she chose my clone over me and that hurts. And it feels good.
— Jarod Kintz
I'd kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison system, I don't have any friends.
— Jarod Kintz
I made plans out of hope, expectation, desire, and duct tape, and I broke those plans with my bare hands.
— Jarod Kintz
I was so focused on my mistake that I made another mistake during the correction of the initial mistake.
— Jarod Kintz
I'm not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number. That number is four.
— Jarod Kintz
I'd rather have a career that utilizes my creativity, but torturing people all day long is not a bad gig. At least not for me.
— Jarod Kintz
In the long run, a treadmill's a great investment.
— Jarod Kintz
Networking isn't synonymous with partying. If you're doing it right, partying seems libraryesque in comparison.
— Jarod Kintz
If I aged twice as fast and lived twice as long as a normal person, would I be Wisdom Man?
— Jarod Kintz
Trophies are clutter at best, and weapons at worst. I prefer my awards heavy and with handles.
— Jarod Kintz
A blanket could be used like cloud cover
— Jarod Kintz
Blankets could be used to make perimeter walls, to keep out an invading army wielding pillows instead of swords.
— Jarod Kintz
My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at the time.
— Jarod Kintz
A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don't need it, because I know my sexual orientation - north!
— Jarod Kintz
Dark Jar Tin Zoo's face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch's "The Scream," only less colorful.
— Jarod Kintz
Jarod Kintz gets so many retweets, he's like Katniss Everdeen with tourettes in a forest full of Mockingjays.
— Ryan Lilly
I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a bottle of booze isn't entirely clear to me.
— Jarod Kintz
Do or don't, there is no don. Don is an honor not bestowed on any procrastinator, not even a professor at Oxford.
— Jarod Kintz
A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market.
— Jarod Kintz
Even a broken mirror isn't broken if it allows you to see who you really are - cracked down the middle in your duality.
— Jarod Kintz
I stole the y, and what was yours is now ours.
— Jarod Kintz
You can share in my joy, but I don't want to share my misery. No, I want to give away my misery. Go ahead, take it all.
— Jarod Kintz
As a fiction writer, let me make it up, and let me make it up to you. I'll pen our love story, if you'll be my co-author.
— Jarod Kintz
To catch affection, try being efficient by using a fishing net. You can't sit back and wait for romance to grow on trees.
— Jarod Kintz
I always wear my seat belt when I drive a point home.
— Jarod Kintz
Using my thumb and middle finger, I tend to make snap decisions. Right away I know whether I like a song or not.
— Jarod Kintz
My advice: Give it to whoever they are for, before whoever they are gets wherever they are going.
— Jarod Kintz
The name's David Davidson, and I am not my own son. I'm also not my own father, if you were wondering.
— Jarod Kintz
Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake.
— Jarod Kintz
People think I'm all gloom and doom all the time. I'm not. I also have bad days where I'm pessimistic.
— Jarod Kintz
I made love with a cute woman yesterday. I would have made love with a gorgeous woman, but she was more expensive.
— Jarod Kintz
I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.)
— Jarod Kintz
A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming - and that you are warm. Where's the cold war when you need it?
— Jarod Kintz
If I walked in on two of my clones having sex, I'd think it was gay, incestuous, and just plain rude to have not invited me.
— Jarod Kintz
I went to visit my grandma. I meant to stay for two days, but ended up staying two months. (So I overslept a little).
— Jarod Kintz
I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car accelerates.
— Jarod Kintz
The lawyer said he couldn't take my case, even though I assured him it was stuffed with money.
— Jarod Kintz
I like to spoon after I fork.
— Jarod Kintz
I don't understand people who don't touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
— Jarod Kintz
A brick could be flipped over and turned endlessly. But it still won't start your car.
— Jarod Kintz
Anything more than 5/10ths makes me tense
— Jarod Kintz
I want to invent a drug to help people get off drugs.
— Jarod Kintz
My girlfriend is as reasonable as Lady Justice, and just as blindfolded. She's tied up in the trunk this very moment.
— Jarod Kintz
I keep a large map of the world hanging above my bed. Everybody wants to own land, but I want to own the oceans.
— Jarod Kintz
My new book is going well. It's practically writing itself! Actually, what I mean is I'm not writing it, my clone is.
— Jarod Kintz
If you just give me a chance, I could be the man you've never dreamed of and never wanted.
— Jarod Kintz
Meet the Robinsoons - but meet them later.
— Jarod Kintz
I don't need to actually make my product safer. All I need to do to make it safe is put a warning label on the package.
— Jarod Kintz
And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.
— Jarod Kintz
Error is to err, as blanket is to blank.
— Jarod Kintz
Writing all day every day is good, but it's not good enough. You need to have your clone ghostwriting for you too.
— Jarod Kintz
