Jackie Mason Quotes: top 41 famous quotes about Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jackie Mason quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. — Jackie Mason

It was my love for the guitar that first got me into music and singing. — Ed Sheeran

I always thought music was more important than sex - then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me. — Jackie Mason

I was like a Borscht Belt comedian trapped in the body of a 6-year-old. I was channeling Jackie Mason at 7. — Josh Gad

It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want. — Jackie Mason

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen. — Jackie Mason

I was a shy and insecure kid and didn't know quite where I fit. — Jason Alexander

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies. — Jackie Mason

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. — Jackie Mason

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. — Jackie Mason

The Bay Area is so beautiful, I hesitate to preach about heaven while I'm here. — Billy Graham

Honesty is nothin' compared to decency. — Jackie Mason

I forgot for a moment to worry about how I was supposed to be. Because I was perfect right then. Everything — Ava Dellaira

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why! — Jackie Mason

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. — Jackie Mason

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. — Jackie Mason

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me. — Jackie Mason

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? — Jackie Mason

Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it? — Jackie Mason

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval. — Jackie Mason

Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite. — Kahlil Gibran

I didn't learn the alphabet until I was 11. — Roger Moore

Come on Eden. Turn that frown upside down. There's no reason for bad moods. It's a beautiful new day full of possibilities."
"maybe for you. — Michelle Rowen

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress. — Jackie Mason

When I was a kid, I would sing in people's living rooms and for different little family things. — Kelli O'Hara

I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives. — Jackie Mason

YOU HAVE A VAAGGGIINNAAA! — CM Punk

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. — Jackie Mason

Relationship is the need of those who cannot be alone. Two alone persons relate, communicate, commune, and yet they remain alone. — Rajneesh

I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles ... because I didn't know. — Eugene Mirman

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable! — Jackie Mason

Predictions are preposterous. — Jackie Mason

Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron. — Jackie Mason

Circumstances do not determine state of being; state of being determines circumstances. — Darryl Anka

Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible. — Jackie Mason

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net. — Jackie Mason

My Only Boss is Money — Ziad K. Abdelnour

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. — Jackie Mason

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. — Elayne Boosler

If you don't acknowledge differences, it's as bad as stereotyping or reducing someone. — Aasif Mandvi

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it! — Jackie Mason