I Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about I Funny

I Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational I Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I look crazy, but I'm not. And the funny thing is, that other people don't look crazy, but they are. — Eden Ahbez

I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous. — Christopher Buckley

I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing. — Mitch Hedberg

One does not simply ring Roland.
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews

I can't really say I'm batting badly. I'm not batting long enough to be batting badly — Greg Chappell

Woah, their gorgeous not so fast I haven't even catched your name or your number - Jaxson Evans — Brit Gosik

Finn gave a soft laugh. 'What's so funny?' 'I think you're the first person to actually apologise for inflicting pain. Usually it's someone's hobby. — Tabitha McGowan

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable. — Darynda Jones

The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last. — Gene Wilder

I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt ... — Dave Barry

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.' — Bill Bailey

I'm so careless that now i don't even care if i cared about you. — Me

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant. — Dave Chappelle

I think people like comedies and I think concept driven comedies seem to be working when it's a clear concept and you deliver funny stuff. — Todd Phillips

My grandmother raised me. She was a real no-nonsense but very funny lady. I drove tractors, made hay, milked cows, fed the chicken, fed the pigs. — Carol Bartz

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane." — Franklyn Ajaye

The people from 'The State' are close friends, but also some of the most incredibly funny people I know. — Joe Lo Truglio

I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing. — Emma Bunton

So, funny story. There are fairies? In the Dark Woods. And I might have pissed off their king."
There was silence. Then, "Of course you did. — T.J. Klune

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. — Steven Wright

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile. — Adam Sandler

I'd love to do sitcoms. I think I'm pretty darn funny. — Yasmine Bleeth

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." — Tim Vine

I try to find a way to make it comfortable or interesting or funny to me. — Owen Wilson

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. — Steven Wright

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit. — Will Smith

My mouth felt funny. I must have smiled. Smiling, — R. O. Barton

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. — Craig Ferguson

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness". — Tim Vine

I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about. — Dave Barry

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I think people who are fanatical about anything are funny. — Jackie Schaffer

I want to be in 'Funny Girl.' And I want Ryan Murphy to direct it. — Lea Michele

I have the street smarts and survival skills of, like, a poodle. — Jennifer Lawrence

Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping. — Lisa Lampanelli

I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way. — Huntley Fitzpatrick

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" — Henny Youngman

Just another part of that Spartan killer instinct. I can slay the ladies just as well as I can reapers. — Jennifer Estep

And you look beautiful," she added.
"I look like a cake."
"But a beautiful cake. — Andrea Cremer

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex. — Kristen Schaal

I don't hold water with that theory — Ron Greenwood

Miguel: Merle? What kind of hick name is that? I wouldn't name my dog Merle. — The Walking Dead

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy. — Chris Rock

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. — Jon Stewart

Imogene always sits
on the remote. It's probably wedged between her butt cheeks."
"Should I go get a crowbar? — Kirsten Miller

I really like it. I really, really like it. Ah, ah, ah, ah ... buried alive ... buried alive. — Mick Foley

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. — Chris Messina

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing. — Zach Galifianakis

The funny thing about me is I move from genre to genre, but I essentially shoot all the movies the same way. — James Mangold

The funny thing is, the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She's awesome. — Amanda Seyfried

I've known for quite a while that I was a funny girl. — Niecy Nash

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. — Zach Galifianakis

I know you can be funny without being filthy. — Jonathan Winters

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg

The principles of comedy are the principles of comedy. I can hear funny. — Stephan Pastis

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. — Warren Buffett

It's funny; Luther and I have written many songs together, but we've never written songs in the same room. — Richard Marx

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook. — Bill Cosby

Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases. — Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Tell Savitar I said hi. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Be careful, though."
"Aren't I always?"
"No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. — Veronica Roth

I came up with a good idea ... see-through skin. — Karl Pilkington

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'. — Bill Maher

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. — Demetri Martin

I feel cheesy when I see 'Silver Spoons.' Some of it was funny, but some of it was just cheese! My kids love it, but I look at it and cringe. — Ricky Schroder

You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

I got my start in silent radio. — Bob Monkhouse

I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy. — Eric Drooker

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. — Tammara Webber

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire. — Jim Norton

He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery. — Holly Black

It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. — Dave Grohl

I think this whole celebrity world is weird anyway. Weird and funny and kind of pathetic and yet so right for parody. — Ben Stiller

Holy swoon-gate!' Elliot exclaims when I finally get to the end of my tale. 'If that's what Brooklyn boys are like I'm emigrating as soon as possible! — Zoe Sugg

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it's free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE. — Mindy Levy

I never say a funny thing intentionally. — Jayne Meadows

It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless. — Caprice Bourret

It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past. — Kelley R. Martin

I don't think of any sentence as a "one-liner", but I do pay attention to how people actually speak when they are being funny. Rhythm is key. — Lorrie Moore

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker. — Robert De Niro

I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. — Simon Sinek

I was once arrested for resisting arrest. — Steven Wright

It's funny. I did give birth to an alien on 'The X-Files.' And it's just the teaser, so I'm dead before we even get into the episode. — Megan Follows

Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick. — Simon Dunn

I enlarge the photo again. Nope, too blurry — Marie Lu

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper

That's the only dog I know who can smell someone just thinking about food. — Charles M. Schulz

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. — Mark Twain

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping? — Ellen DeGeneres

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.
-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet

Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire. — Alison Bechdel

Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others — Yana Toboso

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. — Paul Lynde

You catch more flies with honey, ever heard of that?" He shrugged. "I don't like flies. They're annoying." He grinned "I'd rather catch hell. — Heather Hildenbrand