Humor Advice Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humor Advice

Humor Advice Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Advice quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Never f*!k with the ineffable. — Terry Pratchett

When you make things too easy on someone, you're giving them a discount on your worth; and this causes them to regard you as inferior. — K.M.Docherty

Present a united front: YOU against the zombies. — Jesse Petersen

When there's a monster under your bed sometimes it really is best not to look. — Jocelynn Drake

I have a theory that sometimes people think they need to talk as much as possible, almost as if talking more equates to knowing more. — Mary Mihalic

I will call bullshit on that so many times that the word bullshit will lose all meaning. -Milo — Cora Carmack

Some general advice about writing:
WRITE MORE, DO OTHER STUFF LESS. — Brian K. Vaughan

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. — Jon Stewart

When single you are," Roger said, imitating Yoda dispensing advice to Luke, "get laid you can. When married you get, make love you do. — Sean Kennedy

Forgive me if I don't take relationship advice from a dead teenager missing her vagina. — Brian K. Vaughan

Don't be stupider than you need to be, I remind myself. Remember Calease? The last glowing girl you talked to tried to kill you. — Erica Cameron

A word of advice, if I may? Explosions are an excellent way to kill the undead. But you should probably take a few steps back first, kid. — Heather Brewer

And Finally I put down the last and the best advice I knew, on growing older. 'Stand up straight and try not to get fat. — Diana Gabaldon

You are allowed to float around having no damned idea what you want to do with yourself with no actual time frame in which you need to figure it out. — Brittany Gibbons

Do not believe anything I tell you. Do not take my advice. — Swami Pranayomama

If someone begins to sing, do not maintain eye contact. The general advice given to fellow travellers is thus: leg it. — Ness Kingsley

Publish. Be damned. Repeat. — Tassa Desalada

When you take advice from a cat, there are always consequences. — Elora Bishop

And stop talking in that puffed-up way they taught you. Words aren't brains, you know. — Deepak Chopra

You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face — Sherry Argov

Never ask an elf for help; they might decide your better off dead, eh? (Orik) (Eldest) (Page 207) — Christopher Paolini

Conscience is like a pet: If you spoil it by too much attention it'll start yipping at the most inopportune times. — Connie Brockway

Some folks say that you can't get rid of a problem until you shuck it. So, brother, let's start shucking. — Richard Puz

Word of advice. These have a kick, so don't suck too hard -
Holy hypoxia, Batman. — J.R. Ward

It's impossible to walk through solid rock ... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock. — J.M. Dattilo

The further your job is from the money, the closer you are to the bullshit. — Tim Heaton

Go! And remember! Zebra is fine creature to admire, but you do not have to ride it. — John Allison

It's been my experience that most writers don't talk about their craft
they just do it — Alfred Lansing

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. — S.K. Tremayne

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'. — David C. Holley

Those who believe everything they read probably should refrain from reading. — Matt

If you forget your lines, you had better mumble with conviction. — Connie Brockway

It don't do you no nevermind to tell nobody nothing. — Thomas McGuane

Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever. — Eugene Mirman

That's what you get when you're stupid. — Caleb Eversole

No one can be your sun, moon, or stars until you have your own world. — K.M.Docherty

Stocks may come and stocks may go, but food goes on forever. — Beatrice Fairfax

Don't discuss your relationship problems with friends. Your zombie problems are another story entirely. — Jesse Petersen

A project is like love; it has clear intentions at the beginning, but it can get complicated. — Gerry Geek

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. — Scott Dikkers

There's a lot more to ridin' a horse than just sittin' in the saddle and lettin' yer feet hang down. — Texas Bix Bender

You are your partner are on the same side - it's the side of the living. — Jesse Petersen

In matters of religion and matrimony I never give advice, because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge. — Philip Dormer Stanhope

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off. — David C. Holley

Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot! — Bill Watterson

Poetic license is not a license to scribe recklessly. — C. Kennedy

Speak kindly to with adult women as you would to your mother. — Lailah Gifty Akita

If consultants followed their own advice, they wouldn't tell anyone. — Grant McLachlan

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two! — Rodney Dangerfield

A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it. — Pawan Mishra

My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor. — Bowden Wyatt

Make a concise statement clearly and you should only need to say it once. — Mary Mihalic

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead — Benny Bellamacina

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.
-Hobbes — Bill Watterson

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you. — Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Once we were young, now we are adult. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Kiss my foot, sir; my face is for mouths of consequence. — Thomas Hardy

Ignore people who say you can't do it, even if this person is yourself. — Martha Reed

If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first. — Honeya

The lesson here is not to take Camus to the beach. — Leo X. Robertson

Dear, he do have a problem. — Taylor Ann Bunker

A remarkable memoir that's packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness. — Steve Martin

Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice? — Demetri Martin

Advice is bullshit. It's just one asshole's opinion. — Justin Halpern

Always walk as if you're running late, it's healthier. — Benny Bellamacina

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive. — Eugene Mirman

Lets ignore our mothers' well-meant advice. — Anne Taintor

Show physical affection. Nothing says "I love you" like bearing the entirety of your spouse's weight. — Jesse Petersen

Find out what people want to do, then tell them to do it. They'll think you're a genius. — Connie Brockway

When you're given the gift of truth, you spend a lot of time trying to tone it down because it is already offensive enough. — Shannon L. Alder

I go on the presumption that everyone's full of shit until proven otherwise, and this usually serves me in good stead. — Dennis Lehane

I though I screwed everything up," I say.
He smiles. "You're only one person. In the whole universe. You can't screw everything up. — Caela Carter

What do you want from me, Maggie? Advice? Absolution? Go forth and be a bitch no more. — Molly Harper

Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. — Amy Poehler

Humans should be permanently under development. — Graeme Simsion

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044. — Eugene Mirman

There a dozen ways to skin a cat. All of them are illegal. — Ness Kingsley

I have never yet figured out what to do about good advice that you get, and that you know right away would help you, but that you cannot follow. — Holly Lisle

Flirting is a "controversial art form" that leaves the intended either flattered, infatuated, creeped out or getting a restraining order. — Shannon L. Alder

When facing unbeatable odds, just think of yourself as unbeatably odd. (The Hero's Guide to Being a Hero) — Christopher Healy

If you only attract Mr. Wrong or Ms. Crazy, evaluate the common thread in this diversity of people: YOU! — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

Never put off until tomorrow that which may be avoided entirely. — Bill McKean

Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone's advice, then bother to listen to it. — Sophie Kinsella

Just because it makes no sense doesn't mean it's not good advice. — Mick Farren

When writing, I uncage KAT: Keep Adding Tension. Even if I don't know where the story's going, petting the KAT keeps it purring. — Don Roff

What is your advice to young writers?"
"Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. — Charles Bukowski

I have a great many opinions about writing, but I'm afraid that all of them are unprintable — Alfred Lansing

Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife. — Pawan Mishra

You can just about always stand more 'n you think you can. — Texas Bix Bender

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. — Stephen Colbert

The minute you stop caring about your business, is the same minute your business stops caring about you. — Steven Ivy Attorney Entrepreneur

Men are from Mars. Zombies are from Hell. — Jesse Petersen

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop. — Jacob M. Appel

If you enjoy sticking a straw in a dog's ear, don't sit next to the pooch with a milkshake. — Alan Rogers

Admit when you're wrong. It doesn't fix a busted leg, of course, but it's a nice gesture none-the-less. — Jesse Petersen

I hope you smile, laugh, and maybe even learn something that will help you along the way to happily-ever-after. — T.N. Carpenter

On the whole, I think you should write biographies of those you admire and respect, and novels about human beings who you think are sadly mistaken. — Penelope Fitzgerald

Education is the best gift my parent gave me. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent's past, there's leftover booze and contraceptives. — Bauvard

Never second guess yourself. Or do, maybe. Whatever you feel good about. — Dan Florence