Him Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Him Funny

Him Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Him Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

She gave him a cold and enraged glare. 'You are so pathetic, you make me want to vomit. — Morgan Rhodes

I don't want to dig him or his sexy self. But I keep losing my clothes when I'm with him. — Jill Shalvis

Scott Foley was always fun because he's a very funny guy. So I liked working with him a bunch. — Ian Gomez

My main objective is to be professional but to kill him. — Mike Tyson

You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him? — Ann Dunham

He was wrong, that doesn't make him a villian. That makes him an asshole. — Jim Butcher

If a guy doesn't like a funny girl, something is wrong with him. — Bill Hader

But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards. — J.K. Rowling

What did you think of him?" Cade asked.
"Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy's more full of shit than a duck pond. — Christopher Farnsworth

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. — J.M. Barrie

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens. — Rodney Dangerfield

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish." — Robert Schimmel

The besom of reform hath swept him out of office, and a worthier successor wears his dignity and pockets his emoluments. — Nathaniel Hawthorne

Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry! — Jerry Coleman

If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement. — Jerry Coleman

Your name. That's all I want. I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours. — Colleen Hoover

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT! — Jeff Foxworthy

Well, you're a lucky man," Will said, as Nathan began to steer him out. "She certainly gives a good bed bath. — Jojo Moyes

He's the funniest, smartest person I know. It doesn't mean he doesn't bug me and I'm sure I bug him sometimes. — Sarah Jessica Parker

Though everyone in the bar knew who he was, no one asked him about the death, though one old man did rustle his newspaper suggestively. — Donna Leon

A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed. — John Cleese

He's the meanest one. We call him..Byrd the Turd — Marthe Jocelyn

Thanks for coming, Zach told him. He slapped Jonas on the back. And I felt like I'd fallen into an alternate universe. One where Zach had ... friends. — Ally Carter

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' — Claude Pepper

Who would want him? he asks himself. Certainly not Ahana, who's funny, bright and so beautiful that it hurts. — Durjoy Datta

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." — Tim Vine

When have I ever given him the impression that I was okay with him just stopping by whenever he wanted to use my body as an organic garbage disposal? — Nash Summers

I dream of acting with Kevin Costner. I would love to do a movie with him. Not something funny, but a dramatic role. — Bill Engvall

Mr Moss's courtyard is railed in like a cage, lest the gentlemen who are boarding with him should take a fancy to escape from his hospitality. — William Makepeace Thackeray

You'll never call him Fifi again. — Lynda Barry

Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made. — Jane Wyman

Pete Davidson - he's in the movie 'Trainwreck.' He has a small part in it. I told Lorne Michaels about him, said he was really funny. — Bill Hader

This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before. — Rachel Caine

If there's a sexier sound on this planet than the person you're in love with cooing over the crepes you made for him, I don't know what it is. — Julie Powell

Did Cap'n Vidious leave that? He is such a cuddlebunny."
"Yeah," I said, "that's exactly how I'd describe him. — Joel N. Ross

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died. — Norm MacDonald

I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny. — Jason Alexander

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work. — Ellen DeGeneres

Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I said." — Yogi Berra

But there was nothing funny about his sword. Jason figured one hit from that thing would probably turn him into a Popsicle. Then — Rick Riordan

That's all right," she told him. "I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine."
Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism. — Ilona Andrews

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!" — Henny Youngman

I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have a head in a bag," I warned him. "Do not fuck with me. — Karen Chance

My father was a very funny man, and one of my strongest recollections is hearing him laugh. He didn't like people who had no sense of humour. — Mike Myers

You 'accidentally' touched his bottom? Didn't that happen when you last saw him as
well? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem. — Twisted Hilarity

Mansell can see him in his earphone. — Murray Walker

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. — George Eliot

Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out. — Alex Ferguson

Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out. — Douglas Adams

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. — Steve Martin

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. — Andrea Speed

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him. — Henny Youngman

He took your sweet, funny, perfect heart ... and he destroyed it. Why do you keep letting him do it over and over again? — Jess Rothenberg

Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him. — Molly Harper

She'd met Colin on a Monday.
She'd kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic. — Julia Quinn

Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully. — Ralph Bakshi

Mr Tanner frowned at him, as though he was a spelling mistake. — Tom Holt

On the best tactic when playing alongside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar- Just give him the ball. — Magic Johnson

I didn't notice him coming, but he didn't seem to be looking for an autograph signature — George Harrison

That's right, you get him, Mary. Don't let him change the subject! — Alexandra Bracken

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. — Augusten Burroughs

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him?

~ Susan — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Mrs. Darling's kiss with him. The kiss that had been for no one else Peter took quite easily. Funny. — J.M. Barrie

It's funny how the closer you get to God, the more you realize how far you are from Him. — Mark Hart

I forgot for a second that he was my ancestral enemy, and felt bad for him; then i consoled myself that bird poop brings good luck — Rob Reger

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him. — Oscar Wilde

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear. — Amy Schumer

A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible. — Barack Obama

The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them. — Rob Thurman

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else" — Billy Connolly

I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him. — Noel Fielding

Take them off!" I told him, grabbing the front of his jeans. "Take everything off!"
"I'm trying!"
"Try harder! — Karen Chance

Are you . . . lost?"
"Not really," she told him. "We just don't know where we're going. — Joel N. Ross

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper. — Mitch Hedberg

What did you want me to do? Ask him for money? — Mariana Zapata

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. — Mark Twain

You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings

He looks funny in a suit jacket, like a bear dressed up in costume for the circus. I would never tell him that, though. — Lauren Oliver

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days. — Sarah Silverman

An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Forgive my brother," Camira apologized. "We don't normally let him out of his cage when guests are present. — Brandon Mull

His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait that; in a spaniel. Or a whore. — Michael Dobbs

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on. — John Lambie

If they weren't staring at a fellow, they were laughing at him. — Wilson Rawls

No way!" I yelled, taking it from him.
"I can't believe I made a pink knife."
"It's so cute! I love it. Finally, a companion worthy of Tasey. — Kiersten White

Let go of him, for cryin' out loud! — Virginia Smith

Four young men in motorcycle jackets... set upon the man in khaki shorts and beat him unconscious with his own sandwich board. — Stephen King

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde

Life's funny that way, kind of like a dad who thinks it's hilarious to tie his kid up in a dark closet and leave him there for the weekend. Yeah, — Patrick Thomas

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face. — Groucho Marx

I'm gonna pray for him. — Bruce Irvin

I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him. — Jerry Coleman

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

I have to tell you I enjoy Jon Stewart. That's the truth. I actually think he's very funny. I've paid to see him do his stand-up routine. — Megyn Kelly

Don't be too nice to him," I teased. "He'll never leave. — Juliet Blackwell

It's funny how you can know a person, think of him as your closest friend, and still never gain access to the secret chambers in his heart. — Jennifer Finney Boylan

Whenever I mention Greg Kinnear's name to anyone, they always say, "Oh, love him!" He's a really terrific actor, and very funny. — Miranda Otto

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. — Rodney Dangerfield