Funny True Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny True

Funny True Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny True quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Internet's been down most of the day [at work]. Doing research by just asking everyone what we remember to be true. What could possibly go wrong? — Rachel Maddow

Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. — Trevor Noah

Am Anfang war Gott? It may have been true, but it was not germane. — Stephen Craig

I am not fake, I am just to good to be true — Mahsati Abdul

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?
ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. — KanyaACoffman

The best time to make friends is
before you need them. — Ethel Barrymore

It's true - there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows. — Cheryl Cory

I have only one heart to give and one mind to lose. May I someday find a woman who will take them both. — Michael W. Grimard

I know the path by heart, by heart- a funny expression, so true. My heart knows right where to go. — Cynthia Hand

You can't kill us all, human.'
He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. 'True, but who's going to be first in line? — Laurell K. Hamilton

It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you. — Barack Obama

You, lass, have a self-image problem.
Well, that might be a little true, but she also had a mirror. — Cherise Sinclair

It was a running joke; everyone was aware of how ridiculous the rumor mill was, and yet they all shamelessly participated in it. — Jamie McGuire

It's funny. That feeling of home. It's so temporary, like bathwater: the warmth eventually grows cold. — K.M. Alexander

Google, Facebook helps people than people helps people, in today's world — Jeevagan Nagarajan

I was the girl with cake batter in her hair, egg on her shirt and her foot in her mouth. Always. — Kari Luna

America is still AmeriKKKa. rather we like it or not — Fee Scott

On some level in acting, what you're trying to find is truth, because when it's true is when it's also funny. — David Hyde Pierce

Sim sighed. like Ross always said: Wish in one hand,shit in the other,and see which hand fills up first. — Keith Gray

I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-: — Mahsati Abdul

[ ... ] and I switched to English literature, where so many frustrated poets end as pipe-smoking teachers in tweeds. — Vladimir Nabokov

I want to do drama - no one really sees that. People just think I'm the funny guy and I can't do anything else, and that's just not true. — Mark Indelicato

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!! — Eoin Colfer

Falling in love and falling to your death feel about the same, I thought. And I almost laughed. — Shannon Hale

I don't know. I don't really like old movies. The acting is so, 'Hey buddy, ol' pal. Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding — Stephanie Perkins

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. — Carroll Bryant

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. — Regina Griffin

Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all. — Mark Lawrence

Like all great adventures, this one started with someone trying to get laid. King Menelaus didn't go to Troy for the baklava. — Mark Leiren-Young

When boys get mad its not so bad
When girls get mad world WW3 is about to start! — P.C. Cast

One person may look and only see a tree, whereas others may look and see a tree with leaves. — Adrian Sandvaer

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. — John Oliver

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle. — Laurie Halse Anderson

I love to make movies about young people - young scientists that are inventing things and all the writing they did was very funny and very true. — Vilmos Zsigmond

It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey

Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? — Regina Griffin

What is about Army uniforms? Especially combats. They are just drool-worthy, if you ask me. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

Love has a way of making the sane insane and the insane normal. — Shannon L. Alder

Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect. — Criss Jami

People never think things that are true are funny. — Melissa Kantor

There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon. — Criss Jami

Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire. — Criss Jami

Internet access came before pride. — Jessica Park

I occasionally laugh and tell him that his imperturbability is worth three hundred milligrams of lithium a day to me, and it is probably true. — Kay Redfield Jamison

When it all comes true Just the way you planned It's funny but the bells don't ring It's a quiet thing. — Fred Ebb

Life is too short to dance with ugly men — Christina Dodd

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? — Steven Wright

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway. — Solange Nicole

Jane's novels are so true to life that even two centuries later they are fresh and funny and, yes, relevant as ever. — Margaret Sullivan

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair. — Criss Jami

Dogs are angels full of poop. — Oliver Gaspirtz

Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone. — Zayn Malik

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine — Bill Bailey

Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits. — Yahtzee Croshaw

Remember that true beauty comes from within - from within bottles, jars, compacts, and lipstick tubes — Jeffree Star

Relaxed Empiricism
I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened. — Bill Bailey

You know how some people get sun-kissed, well i got sun bitch slapped — Ryan Oliveira

To tell you the truth. I am a wild and passionate novelist. I am therefore easily given over to telling wild and passionate lies. — Val Edward Simone

I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true. — Edmund Hillary

Isn't it funny how true peace describes war and chaos? — Lionel Suggs

The truth of the matter was no boy I knew lived up to the fantasy I'd created from the many books I'd read, and I wasn't going to settle. — Natasha Boyd

There is nothing so unsure as the plans we make that rely on the sensible behavior of another human being. — Steven Saylor

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern. — Chelsea Handler

Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. — Regina Griffin

Funny thing about true happiness, though. You never know it's inside you until someone pulls it out. — Meghan Quinn

I realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl ... because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol — Fee Scott

Don't be so humble - you are not that great. — Golda Meir

What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off? — Parker S. Huntington

Selective hearing ... typical male. Maybe he was human after all ... — Cameo Renae

Military Wives - Sacrificing Months of Sex for the Country. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

Most of the people I admire, they usually smell funny and don't get out much. It's true. Most of them are either dead or not feeling well. — Tom Waits

You must be careful when you ask people whether they're happy; it's a question that can upset them a great deal. — Francois Lelord

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. — William Goldman

I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me. — Shannon L. Alder

Nothing amuses people more than a cocky guy who starts losing. — Criss Jami

Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others — Yana Toboso

Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases. — Richard Brinsley Sheridan

I used to laugh at that old wheeze about a man wanting his son to be better than he was, but as I get older it seems less funny and more true. — Stephen King

Funny how people despise platitudes, when they are usually the truest thing going. A thing has to be pretty true before it gets to be a platitude ... — Katharine Fullerton Gerould

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell. — Criss Jami

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. — Tammara Webber

Being unique is what's cool man. Being normal? What's that? That's a setting on a washing machine. Nobody wants to be that. — Ashley Purdy

But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. — Jonathan Dunne

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. — Marilyn Monroe

When you're in a train and it breaks down, well, there you is. But when you're in a plane and it breaks down, there you AIN'T. — Amy Hill Hearth

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone. — James M. Barrie

The movies are funny, in one way, because you think of everyone being as beautiful as the dawn, but that isn't true. — Julian Fellowes

Nothing," she said, "upsets me more than being hungry; I snarl and snap and burst into tears. — Shirley Jackson

Keep calm and be yourself — Jasmine Lozano

I'm sure I look a wreck. But he's the one who wrecked me so he may as well take a good long look at what he's done. — Monica Murphy

Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil's advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism. — Criss Jami

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes. — Terry Pratchett

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. — Criss Jami

It's fun to be able to have a fun palate, and the way I say that, you think about it and it sounds funny, but it's true. — Joey Fatone

His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait that; in a spaniel. Or a whore. — Michael Dobbs

I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake. — Charlaine Harris

He started to look back, but he knew better. That fool always got eaten in the movies. And Nick didn't want to be on anyone's menu. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

If they weren't staring at a fellow, they were laughing at him. — Wilson Rawls

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. — Bill Bryson