Funny Thought Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Thought
Funny Thought Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Thought quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.'
— Zach Galifianakis
Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.
— Mike Birbiglia
If people want to compete for leadership of a religious group, they can compete in piety. A chilling thought. Or funny.
— Mary Douglas
No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.
— Annie Leibovitz
I thought that unless people know me, they wouldn't find me funny.
— Heather McDonald
I've always thought those guys are really funny. And I love Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin and Mary.
— David Zucker
Thought she said to leave the door open.""It is. It's cracked. That's Open. — Jennifer L. Armentrout
I'm a sucker for Thought Catalog. Shelby Fero is really funny on Twitter. And Patton Oswalt, he's sort of like a Twitter throb.
— Addison Timlin
It was funny, she thought, but her smile turned wistful because she had nobody to tell.
— Laini Taylor
I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.
— Karl Pilkington
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.
— Jerry Seinfeld
It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very small snack foods.
— Geraldine Ferraro
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
— Bob Monkhouse
The funny thing is,' Calvin said, 'I thought I'd been breathing underwater this whole time, but I guess I've been drowning.
— Shaun David Hutchinson
And the last thought he had that morning as he closed his eyes was: I hope the tornado hit the moose.
— Gary Paulsen
So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist.
— Jennifer Bosworth
I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?
— Dylan Moran
So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.
— Nenia Campbell
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
— Woody Allen
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
— Stan Kelly-Bootle
I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but safety first!
— J.K. Rowling
I will admit to fucking a zucchini when I was in high school. For years I thought I was a vegesexual.
— Daryl Gregory
What kinda vows? Celibacy? I thought, though I didn't say it. Nobody keeps a celibacy vow anyway.
— Cassandra Rose Clarke
She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.
— John Green
I was a little bit ashamed of American TV because I thought, 'None of the shows my father works on are as funny as my father.'
— Joss Whedon
Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.
— Stevie Wonder
Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter.
— Gail Carriger
The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to suck a dose of Coke while reading a paperback.
— Nicholson Baker
If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are.
— Cassandra Clare
I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid.
— Larry Dixon
I thought maybe she was trying to be funny but then realized this was impossible to do without a sense of humor.
— Chelsea Handler
Bod quite liked crows. He thought they were funny and he liked the way they helped to keep the graveyard tidy.
— Neil Gaiman
I've done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy.
— Seanan McGuire
That's the funny thing, she thought. You always want things to get better, but you never know how good you already have it.
— Scott Speer
When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around.
— Jerry Coleman
You Too? I thought I was the only one.
— C.S. Lewis
I never thought I was funny. I don't THINK funny.
— Lucille Ball
A crazy old lady, leading a band of teenagers against an angry supernatural Entity - who'da thought?
— Diane M. Haynes
I lied. I do that, you know, when it suits me. I would have thought you'd realized that by now.
— Anne Stuart
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008.
— Mitch Hedberg
Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ...
— E.A. Bucchianeri
I thought I was supposed to have a fake six-pack in this scene
— Robert Pattinson
Funny how you can get used to not having things you thought you couldn't live without.
— Liza Palmer
Falling in love and falling to your death feel about the same, I thought. And I almost laughed.
— Shannon Hale
Funny, they made this new genre called Speculative Fiction, I thought all fiction had always been speculative.
— Teri Louise Kelly
I don't know if I was funny as a child, though I always thought my parents really enjoyed listening to me sing.
— Pippa Evans
I had an idea of what I thought was funny. It's kind of based on how I am.
— Jennifer Aniston
My first film role was a reporter. It's funny, because my father was a news reporter. I always thought there was something strange about that.
— Peter Jacobson
Chiron looked surprised. I thought that would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles.
— Rick Riordan
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
— Russell Howard
Tradition or not, I sometimes thought putting children on an old guy's lap was already creepy enough. We didn't need to mix alcohol into it.
— Richelle Mead
I thought that was a really childish idea. So I did it.
— John Duover
I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be.
— Maya Rudolph
Tonight he was a firm adherent to the classic McCloud school of thought; plant bugs first, apologize later.
— Shannon McKenna
When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.
— Noel Fielding
Ernie thought - what's the expression? - that he had a couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
— Louis Nowra
I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK.
— Mitch Hedberg
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. — Steven Wright
I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?
— John Mulaney
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.
— Gena Showalter
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
— Bill Engvall
I always thought of this as God's country.
— Jack Granatstein
It's funny what happens when you become a grandparent. You start to act all goofy and do things you never thought you'd do. It's terrific.
— Mike Krzyzewski
It was funny because she thought of herself as a good team player, although sometimes she suspected that no one else on her team did.
— Kate Atkinson
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
— Frank Skinner
either. ONE MORE THOUGHT A funny
— Max Lucado
A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
— Demetri Martin
It's funny, Vasher thought, How many things begin with my getting thrown into prison.
— Brandon Sanderson
The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.
— Criss Jami
The next time you have a thought ... let it go.
— Ron White
I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.
— Santosh Kalwar
