Funny Sex Humor Quotes: top 63 famous quotes about Funny Sex Humor

Funny Sex Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Sex Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Not that it isn't great to see you. But it's not so great for you. What'd you do wrong? Laugh at his dick? — Margaret Atwood

I don't know why sex and Sensex appear so similar when experts try to define them! — Saurabh Sharma

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. — Rodney Dangerfield

She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it. — Kayti McGee

We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine. — Natasha Leggero

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! — Rodney Dangerfield

You're not celibate, then?" I breathe.
Amusement lights up his eyes.
"No, Anastasia, I'm not celibate. — E.L. James

I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore. — Nenia Campbell

Fuck, Christina."
"Yes, fuck Christina. I think she'd like that. — Nenia Campbell

That's the trouble with cookbooks. Like sex education and nuclear physics, they are founded on an illusion. They bespeak order, but they end in tears. — Anthony Lane

I bet she likes it hard, from behind, probably likes to get spanked too. I mean, just look at her, she has a serious come-fuck-me-face. — Ida Lokas

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott

You must be a blast on long car rides."
"Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic. — Nenia Campbell

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line. — Nenia Campbell

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.' — Robin Williams

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I'll drink your champagne. I'll drink every drop of it, I don't care if it kills me. — F Scott Fitzgerald

I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they? — Jess C. Scott

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez
talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am. — E.L. James

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. — Rodney Dangerfield

Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so.
The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer — Belle De Jour

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle — Josh Stern

Much of the Kama Sutra is like origami; I don't quite understand all the bending that needs to happen. — Erica Goros

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it. — Adam Carolla

Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small. — Barbara Seaman

Nice guys finish last but that's what makes them good in bed. — Nicholas M. Bugden

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers. — George R R Martin

I'm not sure who faked their orgasm first, but thankfully it was over rather quickly. — Donald Jans

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. — John Callahan

You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape. — J. Richard Singleton

You have the sex appeal of Norman Fell. — Jim Norton

Good, because if the guy isn't making you walk funny after sex, then probably isn't anything to write home to mom about. — J. Lynn

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

All human males were as fascinated with cars as they were with breasts. — Anita Clenney

Military Wives - Sacrificing Months of Sex for the Country. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off? — Parker S. Huntington

Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife. — Mark Watson

If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us? — Tina Fey

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank. — Rodney Dangerfield

People have sex, even the religious ones. Yet, when sex is transferred into words, suddenly it's dirty, vulgar, immoral, trashy. Funny huh? — Hector Himeros

I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life. — F Scott Fitzgerald

The hotness of a sex scene lies in the loins of the beholder. — J.Leigh Hunter

The cybernetic operation?"
"No, the sex change."
The doctor's smile faltered.
"I'm joking. — Marissa Meyer

I'm good at blowjob. — Lauren Baker

I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match. — Steven Wright

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude? — Robin Williams

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends. — Adam Ferrara

Orgasms are a myth. Like good credit scores. — Kelly Moran

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough". — Rodney Dangerfield

What is your advice to young writers?"
"Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. — Charles Bukowski

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!! — Billy Connolly

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

He's my father, whoever he is, so he must have had sex with my mother at least once, and I'd love to kill him for that. — Dean Koontz

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil). — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard. — Bob Monkhouse