Funny Real Quotes: top 98 famous quotes about Funny Real

Funny Real Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Real quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. — Steven Wright

What fills us is real, sweet, dopey, funny life. — Anne Lamott

You had lots of visitors, but they were all quiet."

"Oh real funny. Tease the blind man."

~Trella to Logan, pg. 114-115 — Maria V. Snyder

Emma, okay, enough with the singing. Mommy's getting a three-pill headache. — Jeff Abbott

The real world has always been far more exciting and funny and dangerous to me than anything somebody could conjure up sitting in front of a computer. — Tony Scott

There's no way that you're real, she murmured to his crotch. — Rose Wynters

Well, the clothes are really cool that we wear. The sets are so funny, because it's like everything is so real. — Laura Prepon

At the end to death I must go,
Finishing a real tragic and funny show. — Mohit K. Misra

My grandmother raised me. She was a real no-nonsense but very funny lady. I drove tractors, made hay, milked cows, fed the chicken, fed the pigs. — Carol Bartz

In real life, couples bond and war over a million different things. The causes of divorce are like beautiful, unique snowflakes. — Howard Mittelmark

It's funny when people say something is "unreal" about something that is, in reality, real. I'm so guilty of it, it's real! — Ethan Luck

You mustn't let men drive you to mangling the English language, no matter how sweet they are. — Marisa De Los Santos

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? — Steven Wright

Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist. — Laurie Notaro

When somebody is doing something really funny, in real life and as a performer, my instinct is to join them. — Jake M. Johnson

Now you be careful in the real world" said Armpit " Not everyone is as nice as us. — Louis Sachar

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life? — Natasha Leggero

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life. — Anyta Sunday

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. — Jonathan Safran Foer

It was unbelievable. She was standing there, staring at him like he was a real rock star. — Kami Garcia

It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible. — Johnny Knoxville

A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real. — Harry Styles

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. — Groucho Marx

The only real significance she had attached to the memory was that it was funny what stuck with you. — David Foster Wallace

Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports ... all the others are games. — Ernest Hemingway,

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late' — Oscar Wilde

Unfortunately for novelists, real life is getting way too funny and far-fetched. — Carl Hiaasen

So often, I read scripts and am like, 'This would never happen in real life. It's not trying to be funny. It's trying to be serious.' — Shailene Woodley

It's funny. You succeed, but now where are you gonna go from there? I've got to keep proving that I can laugh or cry more real each time. — Jeff Bridges

Comedy clubs can be brutal. Those people are for real, and if you aren't funny, they aren't laughing. They don't care who you are. — Marlon Wayans

I got an 'A' in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world ... — Whitney Gracia Williams

Anything that's really grounded in humanity and is real, but just happens to be faux pas, or just really shouldn't be funny, I like it. — Rockmond Dunbar

Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss. — Dwight D. Eisenhower

It's not surprising that you wouldn't see that side of me on television, but in real life I find the world to be quite a funny place. — Gwen Ifill

The trouble with improv is that it is often about being funny in the moment without any real consideration for the bigger picture. — Simon Pegg

Kansas is a piece of real estate that completely disproves the theory of roundness as a quality of the planet earth. — W. Bruce Cameron

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it. — Rodney Dangerfield

I say, 'Woe to them that have a nose, a real nose,
and come to look round the torture-chamber! Aha, aha, aha! — Gaston Leroux

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg

Funny. Pick on the girl with no superpowers-real nice. — Tabitha Caplinger

This guy was a real Pscyho' Mr. Levy said.
'To you character is a psychosis, integrity is a complex. I've heard it all before. — John Kennedy Toole

Memories are funny things. Sometimes they're real, but other times they change into what we want them to be, — Nicholas Sparks

The real mystery isn't what's under the redaction mark, but what's above it. — The Covert Comic

Ruth's writing is so joyful, funny and uplifting; it's always a real treat of a read. — Fiona Walker

I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man outside my window. It's not funny! It was real. — Barry Watson

It's funny how the colours of the like real world only seem real real when you viddy them on a screen — Anthony Burgess

Are you real?" Stupid. Of course he's real.
"Yes, Julie. I'm not the mystical man from your dreams. — Caroline George

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. — Paula Deen

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers. — Steve Martin

This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen. — Richelle Mead

It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen. — Anthony Burgess

If the physical thing you're doing is funny, you don't have to act funny while doing it ... Just be real and it will be funnier — Gene Wilder

Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you. — Raheel Farooq

He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James — Marthe Jocelyn

Subtle, funny and touching, with a striking downbeat authenticity. Director Craig Zobel is the real thing. — A.O. Scott

Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed. — Marcello Mastroianni

For me to act natural and real but also try to be funny while doing that is hard. — Seth Rogen

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life. — Zach Galifianakis

If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock." — Mitch Hedberg

If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless for that long. A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny. — Chris Rock

[I]t is funny because economists are not real scientists, and because logicians think more clearly, but mathematicians are best. — Mark Haddon

I made the choice long ago to write about real life. And life is both serious and funny. — Paula Danziger

Sailing is just the bottom line, like adding up the score in bridge. My real interest is in the tremendous game of life. — Dennis Conner

It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there. — Jerry Coleman

I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy. — Ben Barnes

Are you a female dog?"
"What?" Massie asked. "Why?"
"Because you are acting like a real bitch! — Lisi Harrison

I don't do comedy. I think if a situation is funny you just play it for real and if it's funny, it's funny. — Morgan Freeman

I'm sure this is a diversionary ploy. But that doesn't mean it isn't real.
-Abe Sapien — John Arcudi

I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work, — Eugene Levy

Jenna, standing in the doorway with her mouth and hand full of shelled pistachios, says, 'Real' is a dirty word in this place'. — Lauren DeStefano

Is that a space?
No, it's a hydrant. — Becky Albertalli

One of the many downsides to being a drug addict is never really knowing if the stuff is real. — Rebecca McNutt

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny. — Gary Gulman

I realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl ... because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol — Fee Scott

To do something funny, you have to have experienced it in real life and digested it in a way that amuses you. — Ted Danson

I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about. — Dave Barry

Be careful, though."
"Aren't I always?"
"No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. — Veronica Roth

It's sad and upsetting when you see somebody crying hysterically, but at the same time it's real funny. — Seth Green

You Too? I thought I was the only one. — C.S. Lewis

It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on talk shows. — Ben Stiller

Real men don't lift weights, they lift women. — Every Male Ballet Dancer

The first time I saw a mermaid in my dream, and she looked so real...THAT.'s fishy!! — Ana Claudia Antunes

The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing. — Jack Paar

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. — Carol Burnett

You never think of films being really creepy that you're in because you just remember the funny stuff. — Pell James

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. — Greg Giraldo

You can hardly tell where the computer models finish and the real dinosaurs begin — Laura Dern

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked. — Darynda Jones

Yeah, that's funny, huh? ... Something hurts you real bad and you get used to it. Like being hurt becomes part of who you are. — Walter Dean Myers

No one wears buckles anymore, and I decided to get him some real boots next winter solstice.Some sexy guy boots. Yeah. — Kim Harrison

I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008. — Mitch Hedberg

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number ... She looked great going down the stairs. — Milton Jones

Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. — Gloria Steinem

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. — Barbara Corcoran

That was magic for you, right? The thing about magic, the real kind: it didn't make excuses, and it was never funny. — Lev Grossman

So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. — Ned Vizzini

I think you should know that real-life white people are not all as funny as the ones on 'Seinfeld'. — Aaron McGruder

Naked people look funny when they are for-real naked, outside-a-magazine naked. — Donald Miller