Funny Out Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Out
Funny Out Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Out quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.
— Mike Birbiglia
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
— Daniel Tosh
I want to get back and figure out how we're going to make 'The Tonight Show' funny and good.
— Andy Richter
My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.
— Anthony Jeselnik
We hould totally make out right now
— Jennifer Lawrence
Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry!
— Jerry Coleman
It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny.
— Charles Willeford
One should avoid carrying out an experiment requiring more than 10 per cent accuracy.
— Walther Nernst
How would you... like my legs?""Out of my way. — Lucian Bane
Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with.
— Andrew Stanton
If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.
— Jerry Coleman
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
— Dennis Miller
I laugh every day. There are days when my laughs are pretty hollow. Dust comes out of your mouth, and your bones make a funny sound. But I'm laughing.
— James L. Brooks
I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth.
— Ana Claudia Antunes
He had senile dementia and liked to go outside naked, but he could still do two things perfectly: win at checkers and write out prescriptions.
— Barbara Kingsolver
People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."
— Craig Ferguson
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
— Robert Benchley
It's funny how the night that changes your life forever starts out like all the others.
— Marisha Pessl
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
— Adam Ferrara
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
— Robin Williams
It's funny how quickly tomorrow becomes yesterday and then last week and then you run out of time.
— Michelle Gable
Back in my State, I'm very close to being able to control the weather. I'll be all-powerful, once I've figured that out.
— Brandon Sanderson
Funny, one somehow imagines her snuffing quietly out now, the way the moon would if the sun vanished.
— Mary Stewart
You know, every bad guy was once good until he crossed a line. I don't think they come out of the womb being assholes.
— Laurann Dohner
I'm gonna kick your teeth so far down your throat you'll be able to chew your own ass out for pissin' me off.
— The Undertaker
On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.
— Jim Davidson
There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.
— Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin
I glared at him. "I wish you'd stay out of my room.""That's a funny joke, princess, when you're talking to a thief. — Heidi Heilig
She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble.
— Cassandra Rose Clarke
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
— Joan Rivers
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
It's a funny thing. You sort of never figure it out with acting. You're always learning.
— Paul Dano
We didn't, with 'Will & Grace,' set out to change the gay world. We just set out to be funny.
— Eric McCormack
He told me that if you yelled out "JAMBA!" at full volume, all the employees would yell back "JUICE!" He lied.
— Morgan Matson
That's got to be a ten blowjob movie, at least.
— K.C. Burn
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
— Lawrence Ferlinghetti
They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.
— Garry Shandling
When I first met you, you were just an annoying novice nurse. But I found out that you saved my life and now you're my little sister. Isn't it funny.
— Kim Young-kwang
Do you actually see the testosterone pour out of you when you work out, or is it more of a mist?
— Eli Easton
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.
— Doug Stanhope
When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.
— Mitch Hedberg
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
— Tommy Cooper
Yeah, it's a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture.Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her. — Annie Brewer
Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
Well. Yes. Someone's trying to kill me. But you don't have to make such a big deal out of it.
— Sarah Rees Brennan
Let go of him, for cryin' out loud!
— Virginia Smith
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
— Henny Youngman
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
— Steven Wright
I didn't know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.
— Rachel Vincent
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
— Rodney Dangerfield
People in hell want snowcones.
— Nora Roberts
Enos Cabell started out here with the Astros, and before that he was with the Orioles.
— Jerry Coleman
I don't think I was anything short of ecstatic when I found out 'It's Kind of a Funny Story' would be premiering in Toronto.
— Keir Gilchrist
If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
— George Carlin
There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words.
— J.K. Rowling
It's funny how things work out sometimes.
— Anthony Horowitz
I still have goals. Seeing those doubters out there, it's gonna be funny seeing them eat their words.
— Derrick Rose
Setting out around midnight, I couldn't help shaking my head, "We're the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever." I muttered.
— Richelle Mead
All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened.
— Claudia Gray
Nothing beats camping out in a dreary Jotunheim forest while your friend stitches runes on a giant bowling bag!
— Rick Riordan
I was once knocked out by a Mexican bantamweight - six of my pals were swinging him around by his heels at the time.
— Randall Cobb
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
— Rodney Dangerfield
Grace shivered even though it was hot out, because that's what detectives do in detective books.
— Ella Minster
Sexton: I think the whole world's gone mad.Death: Uh-uh. It's always like this. You probably just don't get out enough. — Neil Gaiman
Whereas shame let out can lead to freedom, or at least to a funny story, which is a sort of freedom too.
— Jon Ronson
Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out.
— Douglas Adams
I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.
— Dick Cavett
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
— Bill Bailey
I wanted to write at school - to write funny stories which the teacher might ask me to read out to the class. It's all basically about showing off.
— Mark Billingham
When in doubt dance out
— Miley Cyrus
