Funny Off To Work Quotes: top 30 famous quotes about Funny Off To Work

Funny Off To Work Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Off To Work quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

Sport is the only profession I know of that when you retire you have to go to work. — Earl Monroe

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning ... That can keep me awake for days.. — Billy Connolly

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not. — Andy Rooney

Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode. — Don Roff

I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways it will NOT work. — Thomas Edison

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job. — Steven Wright

Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. — Kate Upton

There is no magic to achievement. It's really about hard work, choices, and persistence. — Michelle Obama

Bak stood a moment, as though considering whether the sum total of their shared working life was ending in a minus or a plus. — Jussi Adler-Olsen

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke. — Richard Russo

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. — Lane Kirkland

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. — Henny Youngman

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. — William Zinsser

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work. — Thomas Bernhard

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. — Frank Carson

(If plan KTB kill the bastard) didn't work, well, gray would resort to Plan B: Operation Oh Sh** — Gena Showalter

I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. — Chris Eigeman

Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better. — Nicole McKay

Funny how you can think that the world is ending but still believe things will work out. We always think there's going to be a happy ending somewhere. — Lorna Jane Cook

I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work, — Eugene Levy

A foolproof plan for not getting a job - show up for your interview wearing flip flops. — Alan Davies

The only reason why you were WWE Champion for a year, is because Triple H didn't want to work Tuesdays. — Paul Heyman

He'd make her work so hard that a job as a cardboard-box presser at the margerine factory would seem like paradise. — Jussi Adler-Olsen

Everyone is messed up in their own way. The funny part is we all don't want anyone else to know, so we work so hard to hide it. — Shana Norris

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held. — Randy Glasbergen

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals. — Larry Hagman

Every Friday is black where I work. — The Covert Comic

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. — Dick Van Dyke

It's funny how things work out sometimes. — Anthony Horowitz