Funny No Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny No

Funny No Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny No quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Like Cammie is fine," Macey said, then glanced at me. "No offense."
"None taken," I said. "I think. — Ally Carter

You Sure this is it?" I said. "It looks empty."
"Empty? No way, there's loads of shit in there," worm replied — Ransom Riggs

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope

He left the key in the ignition. No one was likely to come up here and steal the truck- and if anyone did ... well, he could deal with Charles — Patricia Briggs

No comedian's wife thinks he's funny. The first few years of the marriage, maybe. I was funny as hell the first couple of years. — Tom Smothers

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. — Rita Rudner

Will you go out with me for a cup of coffee?" "No." "No?" "I prefer tea, thank you. — Padma Venkatraman

There was no doubt in my mind that Daemon believed revenge was a dish best served in my face. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

My gramps is a lot like you. No sense of adventure. All he does is sit in his urn... — Cleo Peitsche

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy! — Rodney Dangerfield

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms. — Rodney Dangerfield

My grandmother raised me. She was a real no-nonsense but very funny lady. I drove tractors, made hay, milked cows, fed the chicken, fed the pigs. — Carol Bartz

And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself. — Murray Walker

It is funny how no one seems to want my always excellent advice. — Anne Lamott

Um, I'm just naturally super-funny. No, not really. I've never been in The Groundlings or anything. — Ryan Hansen

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. — P. J. O'Rourke

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards. — Steven Wright

I want to do drama - no one really sees that. People just think I'm the funny guy and I can't do anything else, and that's just not true. — Mark Indelicato

Shit," Delia said. "I mean, shoot. No, actually, I mean shit. I really do. — Sarah Dessen

No means yes in grasshopper language. — Noel Fielding

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame. — Cynthia Heimel

Maxon: "To be clear, no one agrees with you."
America: "To be clear, I don't care. — Kiera Cass

The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone. — Hilary McKay

AT&T to wed T-Mobile. Following the ceremony there will be no reception. — Richard Lerner

No they called it the Codex Merlini because it was written by a guy named Ralph. — Karen Chance

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.' — George Burns

Racism is not funny, because it won't solve anything, but making it worst instead, because racism is the reason the world is no longer great. — Werley Nortreus

CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun ... and live to tell about it the next day. — Ronda Thompson

I don't have a type looks-wise, but all my exes have been funny, open-minded and ambitious. I can't stand men with no passion in life. — Kathryn Prescott

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day. — H. L. Hunt

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car. — Mitch Hedberg

It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks — Colin Baker

You aren't a morning person, are you?" he mused.
"No, I'm not. There is a reason mornin' and mournin' sound the same. — L.A. Casey

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. — Henny Youngman

I'm going to need to save you."
"Excuse me? No one needs-"
"I'm saving you, so shut up and be grateful. — Kelley Armstrong

Leo," Hazel gasped, "I can't - my arms - "
"Hazel," he said. "Do you trust me?"
"No!"
"Me neither," Leo admitted. — Rick Riordan

Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense — Lucille Clifton

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas. — Tommy Cooper

Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter ... with alliteration, no less! — E.A. Bucchianeri

Shakespeare - it's not funny. No matter how they try to make Shakespeare funny, when it's meant to be funny it's not funny. — Julie Walters

No way!" I yelled, taking it from him.
"I can't believe I made a pink knife."
"It's so cute! I love it. Finally, a companion worthy of Tasey. — Kiersten White

Coleman Jacoby and Arnie Rosen won an Emmy and Mel Brooks didn't! Niezsche was right! There is no God! There is no God! — Mel Brooks

Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy. — Bauvard

We have to play it longer because there are no numbers or letters. — Eugene Ormandy

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow — Josh Stern

Without setbacks there'd be no comebacks, and everyone loves a come. — Kyle Johnson

Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol. — Bauvard

The cybernetic operation?"
"No, the sex change."
The doctor's smile faltered.
"I'm joking. — Marissa Meyer

It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest. — Richelle Mead

I no longer believe that just about everything is funny, if viewed from the proper angle. — Tom Perrotta

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it". — Rodney Dangerfield

I'm so into you, it's not even funny. (Naomi & Ely's No Kiss List) — Rachel Cohn

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. — Rodney Dangerfield

Haters ... are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater. — Joe Rogan

No really, I'm a werewolf and you're a human, which essentially translates into a steak with legs. — Quinn Loftis

In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop. — Rodney Dangerfield

Also, in a funny way, if you have been happily married there are no unresolved areas, nothing to prove to yourself after the other dies. — Nigella Lawson

Eagles, buffalos and deserts vast,
it's no good living in the fucking past. — Mark Jackman

Offering Dragons quarter is no good, they regrow all their parts and come on again. They have to be killed. — John Berryman

I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub — Charles Bukowski

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. — Bo Burnham

I may not beleive in God, but I believe in guilt and no one wants to dick around with eternity, even if it isn't there. — Jonathan Tropper

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' — Susan Sarandon

And there's no "I love you" message because Steve Ovett has married the girl — David Coleman

You know, funny is this weird word for me. I hear is so many times it has no meaning anymore. — Bruce McCulloch

Good night. Don't let the boogeyman bite"

"Mindy, there is no boogeyman, "I said as I snuggled in to bed, " I hauled Carl in years ago. — Kate Danley

No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE — A.O. Storm

No such word as can't. No such word as babagoozle neither! — Charlie Higson

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain. — Ivan Stoikov

I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me. — Shannon L. Alder

No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits. — Nick Hornby

I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. — Mitt Romney

Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible! — Lewis Carroll

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. — Lewis Black

There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off.
"What is it with that guy?" Jay asked. "Always in a rush! — Greg Farshtey

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it's free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE. — Mindy Levy

Be careful, though."
"Aren't I always?"
"No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. — Veronica Roth

There's no such thing as too much power! — Wolfgang Gullich

Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations. — Mitch Hedberg

Are you sure this is a good idea?' I ask.
'No,' says Amber. 'Let's do it. — Doug MacLeod

Can I come in?
No! I'm in a towel!
I'm blind! — James Patterson

Is that a space?
No, it's a hydrant. — Becky Albertalli

The truth of the matter was no boy I knew lived up to the fantasy I'd created from the many books I'd read, and I wasn't going to settle. — Natasha Boyd

Mrs. Darling's kiss with him. The kiss that had been for no one else Peter took quite easily. Funny. — J.M. Barrie

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow. — Emo Philips

There is no point in housing troubles inside your underwear if you can't solve them by yourself. — Pawan Mishra

Denying your faith in the Lord was the ultimate no-no — Jennifer Mathieu

There is no spoon. — Jim Butcher

Hermits have no peer pressure. — Steven Wright

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle." — Mitch Hedberg

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. — Stephenie Meyer

Like your zodiac sign? Percy asked. 'I'm a Leo.
'No, stupid,' Leo said. I'm a Leo. You're a Percy. — Rick Riordan

No One Diets on Thanksgiving. — Erma Bombeck

Don't worry about Sian," Louisa said, "things will get better."
"What, she'll stop hitting me?"
"No, but you'll stop bruising so easily. — Dylan Perry

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it? — Eddie Izzard

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. — Jimmy Fallon

People are funny. They look down from all sorts of heights and then if the looking down has no effect they get unsure. — John McGahern

Does Playboy still run fiction?"
"I have absolutely no idea, Melinda," he said, grinning. — Robyn Carr

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin. — Daniel Tosh