Funny Money Quotes: top 91 famous quotes about Funny Money

Funny Money Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Money quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Oh, and I need to known where Jersey is and if I have enough money to buy it. — Anna Banks

You spend your TIME to make a DIME. You lose your HEALTH to make your WEALTH, but at the end it is FUNNY because you leave back all your MONEY. — R.v.m.

They do have these things called bookstores there. I've heard tell that if you give them money, they let you leave with a book. — Lauren Morrill

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids — Harvey MacKay

Pound notes are the best religion in the world. — Brendan Behan

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless! — Rodney Dangerfield

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? — Steven Wright

I used to roll up: this is a hold up, ain't nuthin funny.
Stop smiling, be still, don't nuthin move but the money. — Rakim

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money. — Frankie Boyle

A bank book makes good reading - better than some novels. — Sir Harry Lauder

It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny. — Charles Willeford

Well, there's one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich. — Tom Robbins

I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have nothing to play with. — Rodney Dangerfield

Art is as heavy as sorrow, as light as a breeze, as bright as an idea, as pretty as a picture, as funny as money, and as fugitive as fraud! — Barbara Kruger

For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business. — Tracy Morgan

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. — Hobart Brown

I'm doing what I love, and then I get months and months of rest. I have a lot of money for a 21-year old. I can't stand it when actors complain. — Jennifer Lawrence

I'm all about that money, dress like everyday sunny, rolling weed like a Marley, smile like everything funny. — Wiz Khalifa

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city. — Woody Allen

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems. — Amit Kalantri

& I'm all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face — Nicki Minaj

I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes — Mick Jagger

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. — P. J. O'Rourke

Poetry is again hip in America as people are beginning to refuse to die of boredom and to choke in the fog of their funny money. — Andrei Codrescu

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi. — Jimmy Carr

Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered. — Victor J. Stenger

I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money. — Will Rogers

In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy. — Claudia Gray

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. — Johnny Carson

Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer — Ogden Nash

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math. — Mike Birbiglia

The easiest way to make money is to be funny. The easiest way to be regarded as funny is to have money. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. — Josh Billings

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street — Jay Leno

If I didn't have some kind of education, then I wouldn't be able to count my money. — Missy Elliot

Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled — Dan Quayle

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity. — Ellen DeGeneres

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money? — Ogden Nash

I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese. — Rowan Atkinson

The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason - to pass the tax bill on to you. — George W. Bush

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do. — P. J. O'Rourke

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned — Benjamin Franklin

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. — Bob Hope

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. — George W. Bush

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money. — Craig Benzine

Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it. — Kevin Rooney

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win." — Mitch Hedberg

Money feels funny in my hands. If I give you this slice of paper, you let me on the bus? It's ridiculous. — Cameron Jace

If you're a struggling artist having money problems just superglue a brick in the middle of a blanket, and call it art. Someone will buy it. — Nicole McKay

My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money. — David Letterman

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. — David Letterman

What do you do with all your money?"
"Me and the French hoard gold. — Dashiell Hammett

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! — Amanda Hudson

He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money. — L. Frank Baum

The story of money is very funny. Others burn what we earn. Why not give as we live, so the world will cry when we die. -RVM — R.v.m.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. — Lana Turner

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"! — Rodney Dangerfield

It was Saturday night and I was feelin kinda funny,
Gold around my neck, pockets full of money. — Schoolly D

What did you want me to do? Ask him for money? — Mariana Zapata

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money ... — Fabolous

It's funny because I grew up with the T.V. on 24 hours a day. And the more money I made, the more T.V.s we had. — Gaby Hoffmann

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted — George Best

She's strong! And scary ... I bet she's single ... I'd put money on it.. — Masashi Kishimoto

We might make a lot of money but, we also spend a lot of money. — Patrick Ewing

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. — Lane Kirkland

I only lie for sex or money or to practice for when I need to lie for sex or money. — Stephen Schneider

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes. — Terry Pratchett

It's your money. You paid for it. — George W. Bush

Torn clothes are funny ... until your dad gets fired. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I have only one way to blow the steam off, i make money, you spend money thats funny,now i'm smilling like thats honey — Mohlalefi J Motsima

You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It's certainly safer than keeping it in the bank! — Nicole McKay

And it's very, very funny
When you've lots and lots of money
To be horrible to those with none!
Be horrible to those with none! — Anna Russell

They say money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye sucker. — Jill Shalvis

It's funny - nowadays people that are famous get chased by paparazzi. They have this fame, but they don't have the money to hide from it. — Matt LeBlanc

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms. — George W. Bush

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them! — Frankie Boyle

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law. — Tim Heaton

Life is a gamble, we scramble for money,
I might crack a smile, but ain't a damn thing funny. — Prodigy

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit. — Terry Pratchett

It is easy to smile at an insult and pretend it's funny when the person insulting you is hosing you with money. — Al Alvarez

Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman. — Leona Helmsley

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. — J. Paul Getty

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Money is what makes a man act funny. — Eminem

Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport

If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life! — Mita Jain

Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey — Amunhotep El Bey

You know it's funny, when it rains it pours they got money for wars, but can't feed the poor. — Tupac Shakur

Not Carnegie, Vanderbilt, and Astor together could have raised money enough to buy a quarter share in my little dogs. — Ernest Thompson Seton

If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is. — Peter Wisan