Funny Martin Quotes: top 59 famous quotes about Funny Martin

Funny Martin Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Martin quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther. — Rowan Atkinson

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". — Tommy Cooper

For years, I was either referred to as a 'rubber-faced funny man' or 'the 'Men Behaving Badly' star.' — Martin Clunes

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but ... what a dork. — Demetri Martin

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ... but enjoying the music". — Demetri Martin

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole. — Demetri Martin

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore. — Steve Martin

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE! — Demetri Martin

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!' — Demetri Martin

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go. — George R R Martin

I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny. — Martin Short

It's possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when they do it? — Martin Amis

If someone were to come up to you in a dark alley and say, "Psst, wanna see a UML diagram?" that
diagram would probably be a class diagram. — Martin Fowler

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time. — Steve Martin

This is a pie chart about procrastination. — Demetri Martin

He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James — Marthe Jocelyn

Alma: I rather suspect her of being in love with him. Martin: Her own husband? Monstrous! What a selfish woman! — Lady Randolph Churchill

This is an Aston Martin, Gin.You don't run over dead bodies in an Aston Matin."
"Tell that to James Bond — Jennifer Estep

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand. — Martin Fowler

I like being around funny people. — Chelsea Martin

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. — Steve Martin

Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it. — K. Martin Beckner

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole". — Demetri Martin

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. — Steve Martin

I love anybody funny. I think my ten-year-old sister is really funny. She makes me laugh way more than most people do. — Chelsea Martin

They want to talk to you tomorrow."
"Tomo ... " Chase choked on the word. "As in the day after today?"
"Is there any other kind? — Adrienne Wilder

A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers. — George R R Martin

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers. — Steve Martin

I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. — Steve Martin

Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing. — Steve Martin

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!" — Demetri Martin

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts. — Demetri Martin

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.' — Demetri Martin

It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past. — Kelley R. Martin

Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words? — Martin Freeman

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. — Dick Van Dyke

That's the exciting part about capitalism. It's like surfing, you have to catch the wave. - Martin Peter (aka Vermin Gobsmack) — Jamie Delano

I don't like forcing comedy and people just trying to do things just to find a funny beat all the time. — Martin Lawrence

It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo. — Steve Martin

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay. — Demetri Martin

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts. — Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues" — Demetri Martin

Martin was dafter than a syphilitic polecat - where do I get these metaphors from? — Stieg Larsson

Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny. — Steve Martin

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. — Demetri Martin

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny. — Demetri Martin

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. — Demetri Martin

Shaga: How would you like to die, little man?
Tyrion: In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine and a woman's mouth around my cock. — George R R Martin

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun ... ladies. — Demetri Martin

I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday ... unless there's a game on. — Steve Martin

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. — Steve Martin

I really enjoy Martin Sheen - he is very unexpectedly funny, very quick. — Noureen DeWulf

Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore. — Demetri Martin

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again. — Steve Martin

If I go back home to Wittenberg, I'll lie down in a coffin and give the maggots a fat doctor to eat. — Martin Luther

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. — Lex Martin

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. — Demetri Martin

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.' — Demetri Martin

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! — Demetri Martin