Funny Like If Quotes: top 70 famous quotes about Funny Like If

Funny Like If Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Like If quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. — Steven Wright

Oh, torture. Is this purgatory, and if it is, why is it so much like the first grade? — Margaret Atwood

Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks? — Julie Kagawa

Women are like shower faucets, you must treat them carefully, because if you do not, it will either burn your balls or freeze your ass. — M.F. Moonzajer

That didn't sound like them slinging beads at us. Think if I whip my shirt off, they'll go blind and leave? Nick — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so. — Lois Greiman

If my name was on a serious work like this it would never get fair treatment. They would all say I had tried to be funny and failed. — Jerome K. Jerome

If a guy doesn't like a funny girl, something is wrong with him. — Bill Hader

I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it's ripe; it will be exquisite by September. — Virginia Woolf

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world? — Christy Leigh Stewart

Why don't you say "What?" if you like to sleep with your own sister. — The Undertaker

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny. — Scott Adams

If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell. — David Cook

My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars? — Bob Saget

I do like to believe there is no stupid and or funny question because in fact if we don't ask than we don't learn. — Kai Greene

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully. — Abraham Lincoln

Life is like Tetris; if it doesn't fit, just flip it over — Sabine Hein

Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter how long it's been since you last heard one. — Maggie Stiefvater

I don't like you two going off on you won. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over. — Rick Riordan

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off. — J.A. Saare

'Chappie' would be like 'RoboCop,' but hilarious. If you mixed 'Robocop' with 'E.T.' and it was ... funny, that's what it is. — Neill Blomkamp

If I like it, I say it's mine. If I don't I say it's a fake. — Pablo Picasso

If you two had babies would they be like uber-von Strassenbergs? Would they be like eight feet tall? — Gwenn Wright

If I'm in something funny, I like to try and find some kind of serious line in it that people can relate to. — Ron Livingston

It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it. — Julia L. Roberts

If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh. — Patton Oswalt

I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds. — Christopher Walken

"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too." — Charles Dickens

I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma. — Kami Garcia

Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her ... — Daniel Tosh

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. — George Brett

If I looked like him," Tara said. "I'd want to have sex with myself. All the time. — Jill Shalvis

I wondered if I could make him laugh like that, if he was the kind of guy who believes that girls could also be funny. — Leila Howland

We wouldn't eat an important person like you. Sometimes we'll take a sailor, but - " He shrugged. " - so would you if it was always fish. — Clive Barker

Neither sleet nor rain nor a half inch of snow will compel me to dress like a lumberjack. — Gayle Forman

Neither of them had kissed someone else in a while, but it didn't much matter. Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter — Maggie Stiefvater

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

But if love can be funny and capricious, it can also be strong enough to seem like a sign of insanity. — Chelsey Philpot

You know, If you weren't tiny, cute and remarkably innocent looking I'd be running away right now. This feels like the set-up to some torture porn. — Stephanie Perkins

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once ... so I can make a cart. — Mitch Hedberg

She wondered what he looked like with his hat off and wondered again if he knew he was funny. — Elmore Leonard

Time was funny like that. If you didn't keep track of it, make the most of every moment, it could run away from you. — Donna Augustine

It's funny. From up here, the destruction seems to fade. Almost as if like people, in time, even the world can heal itself. — Eloise Dyson

Holy swoon-gate!' Elliot exclaims when I finally get to the end of my tale. 'If that's what Brooklyn boys are like I'm emigrating as soon as possible! — Zoe Sugg

I hate when I break my own rules. What's the point of me being rational if I flail around like a clown? — Jesse Ball

It's funny how we like labels. If I ever have a bookstore, I'm not going to put any labels on the sections. — Audrey Niffenegger

LIKE THE SUICIDAL RACCOON, I, TOO, WILL FUCK UP YOUR ALIGNMENT IF YOU RUN ME OVER. - T-shirt — Darynda Jones

Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls. — Auliq Ice

If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero, you know I can sell just about anything. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

I didn't actually know what regret tasted like - but I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk. — Angela N. Blount

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man". — Russell Beland

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. — Woody Allen

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams — Jim Carrey

I bowl so slowly that if I don't like a ball I can run after it and bring it back — James M. Barrie

I like cats. They don't care if you love Jesus. — Miss Merikan

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. — Mark Twain

Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder. — Simone Elkeles

She wasn't just beautiful. She was like the sun coming up: coming up giggling. She was giggling as if she had just remembered something funny. — Clive James

I like you in green,' he said. 'You look as if you're a very beautiful imp.' — Sara Sheridan

I reach up and pat them both on the head. Poor things. If you had a boy that looked like Logan, you'd be kissing him every chance you had, too. — C.J. Redwine

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.' — Demetri Martin

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything ... .but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco — Josh Stern

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn't funny. — Andy Kindler

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that. — Karl Pilkington

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. — Rita Rudner

He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother? — Johanna Lindsey

Pretty nearly any stroke of fate can be made to look like a funny coincidence if you try hard enough and wait long enough. — John Wyndham

And write what you love - don't feel pressured to write serious prose if what you like is to be funny. — Cassandra Clare