Funny Job Quotes: top 56 famous quotes about Funny Job

Funny Job Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Job quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job. — George H. W. Bush

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way. — Dov Davidoff

Do not complain about two things; your job and your position, because you can always change them. — M.F. Moonzajer

As soon as I realized you could be funny as a job, that was the job I wanted. — Seth Rogen

There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week. — Jeff Daniels

Dayum! You know Charley's pissed when the f-bomb is flying out her mouth like it's her job to drop them. — Jacquelyn Ayres

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more. — Scott Adams

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door. — Bill Bailey

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful. — W.C. Fields

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job. — Steven Wright

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. — Jerry Seinfeld

It's an expensive place. The cheapest salad is twenty-five dollars."
"I hope that comes with extra croutons and a hand job. — Andrea Speed

The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay. — Oscar Wilde

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back. — Richard Belzer

I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices. — Natalie Portman

That's the easiest job you can have in TV comedy, being the guy who just delivers the funny. — Josh McDermitt

It's a funny thing in my job: you remain perpetually lonely in a world where loneliness is the rarest commodity. — Brian W. Aldiss

Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over. — Andrew Grey

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job. — Doug Stanhope

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. — Bill Hicks

This is funny because I just had a job over the summer for VH1, a project I did called Strange Frequency where I got to play a Goth rock band singer. — Charisma Carpenter

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever. — Milton Jones

My job is summer camp. I come and talk and try to make a TV show funny. — Danny Masterson

Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds. — Frank Bruno

A foolproof plan for not getting a job - show up for your interview wearing flip flops. — Alan Davies

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities. — Greg Behrendt

A woman is a woman. A woman has male problems, has job problems, and I think funny is funny. — Kym Whitley

The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.' — Conan O'Brien

My job changes very little because I've found that the more you try to be funny, the less funny you become. — Nathan Fillion

What I've understood is that to be funny is not my job. To see funny is my job. — Anna D. Shapiro

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. — James Goldsmith

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er". — Mitch Hedberg

He'd make her work so hard that a job as a cardboard-box presser at the margerine factory would seem like paradise. — Jussi Adler-Olsen

My job is to bring the tickle. I know what's funny. — Leslie Jones

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error. — Dennis Miller

It was going to be our job to annoy someone?"
"I know - it's a dream come true! — Joel N. Ross

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it. — Rodney Dangerfield

It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks — Colin Baker

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny. — Sarah Silverman

I decided I would rather have a day job and love music than to play music that made me hate it. — David Torn

I find what I do for a living really funny. I mean, acting is kind of a hilarious thing for a grown man to call a job. — Christian Bale

I'm good at blowjob. — Lauren Baker

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job ... Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. — Bill Cosby

My job is mostly to entertain and be funny. — Rosie O'Donnell

You know, there are just some things you never expect to face even on this job. A flying primate that shoots fire out its nose is one of them. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. — Donald Glover

Torn clothes are funny ... until your dad gets fired. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job. — Sue Civil-Brown

As funny as watching a man in a wig trying to hold down a job on a helipad — Rhod Gilbert

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession. — Elayne Boosler

I'm alive," he groaned. "But I'm not doing a very good job of it. — Merrie Haskell

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences? — Gian-Carlo Rota

It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up. — Dan Castellaneta

You should seriously get a job planning dates for The Bachelor. — Nicki Elson

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's. — Mitch Hedberg