Funny Jim Quotes
Collection of top 95 famous quotes about Funny Jim
Funny Jim Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Jim quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
— Jim Norton
Jim said he believed it was spirits, but I says: no, spirits wouldn't say "dern the dern fog".
— Mark Twain
Just because I rock doesn't mean I am made of stone.
— Jim Carrey
It's hard to get lost if you don't know where you're going.
— Jim Jarmusch
I had bitten into my tongue, and I either had to spit or swallow. I swallowed. No comments, please.
— Jim Butcher
My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
— Jim Gaffigan
I just want to be known as funny.
— Jim Gaffigan
I like all Jim Carrey films. They're really funny.
— Rupert Grint
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."
— Jim Gaffigan
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.
— Jim Norton
No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
— Jim Norton
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
— Jim Gaffigan
If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.
— Jim Steinman
That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane."Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then? — Jim Butcher
I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.
— Jim Morrison
Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
— Jim Norton
You have the sex appeal of Norman Fell.
— Jim Norton
BLARGLE SLORG NOTH HARGHLE FTHAGN! You know. The usual.
— Jim Butcher
On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.
— Jim Davidson
(One does not simply walk into Mordor--except that was exactly what everyone in the story did anyway.)
— Jim Butcher
I'm not exactly a useless cream puff.
— Jim Butcher
Kestus idly added theoretical torture to the theoretical murder, because done right, it might be funny.
— Jim Butcher
Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. But that's ok, because you can't afford it anyway.
— Jim Davis
I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
— Jim Norton
Let come the forces of night! We will stand!""We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered. — Jim Butcher
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
— Jim Norton
I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.
— Jim Norton
I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one's intensity is funny.
— Jim Dine
Cancer is always funny.
— Jim Gaffigan
Come with me if you want to live.
— Jim Butcher
You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie.
— Jim Gaffigan
If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.
— Jim Carrey
There is no spoon.
— Jim Butcher
I don't pull out because ... it's not my problem.
— Jim Norton
I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.
— Jim Norton
I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.
— Jim Gaffigan
That is simply the most beautiful publishing office in the world, with that cranky old building in that wonderful park.
— Jim Harrison
What the hell kind of Hell was this supposed to be?
— Jim Butcher
There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey.
— Dick Van Dyke
Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?
— Jim Jefferies
There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.
— Jim Gaffigan
When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.
— Jim Gaffigan
Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."
— Denis Leary
At the finish, it was all over
— Jim Watt
"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody
— Jim Gaffigan
My new years resolution? I will be less laz ...
— Jim Gaffigan
Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen.
— Jim Gaffigan
I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.
— Jim Norton
I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.
— Jim Norton
You can never look that tough in glasses ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
— Jim Gaffigan
When all else fails, look cute.
— Jim Davis
There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
— Jim Norton
