Funny I Want You Quotes: top 61 famous quotes about Funny I Want You

Funny I Want You Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny I Want You quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Want to dance? We have music this time. And I don't have to punch you when we finish. — Amy Tintera

I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny. — Albert Brooks

To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome. — Gena Showalter

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. — Julie Kagawa

You're going to be trouble, aren't you?"
"Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see. — Zoe Forward

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully. — Abraham Lincoln

I understand that you don't want to marry me," I said. "I mean, I don't know why, since I'm simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste. — Merrie Haskell

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is." — Tim Vine

What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name — Cassandra Clare

What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! — Hunter S. Thompson

It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that. I don't want to be that. — Kellan Lutz

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.' — Joan Rivers

You're not eating the cheese, Frank says accusingly. And you're fucking my mom, I want to say back. — Lauren Barnholdt

Dear Fly,

I love you. If you are a mouse I am cheese. If you are a cat I am a mouse. You are a fly, so I want to be shit. — Casey Scieszka

Hey Lady I don't want to fuck you husband . — Amy Poehler

You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet. — Pamela Anderson

If you want to say, Lucia, there is no inside of the park benches, I won't argue with you. But, then you have to say where the pigeons come from. — Jesse Ball

I said: All right, talk, but do you mind putting the gun away? My wife doesn't care, but I'm pregnant and I don't want the child to be born with ... — Dashiell Hammett

You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss? — Nenia Campbell

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. — Jerry Seinfeld

Do you want me to ride you like a rented mule, or do you prefer to be Mr. Missionary Position? I'm fine with wither, so it doesn't matter to me. — Katie MacAlister

Breathe! Breathe! I urged Lily. You can do this naturally.
Fuck that. I want my epidural as soon as we get there. — Erica Orloff

I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No ... got any Snapple?' — Mike Birbiglia

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised. — Mitch Hedberg

I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit! — Sharon Swan

It's funny, isn't it? When you are young you just want to be old, and then later you wish you could go back to being a kid. — Lauren Oliver

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!' — Russell Howard

Hello, Mrs. Tran ... I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for. — Nenia Campbell

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you."
"Because any other female would! — Kresley Cole

Now go to sleep. I'll wake you up when I want you."
"Should I just sleep with my legs spread or what? — Dominique Frost

I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you. — T.J. Klune

I had to admit it was adorable. You know, in a unicorns-farting-out-rainbows kind of way that made me want to hurl. — Gemma Halliday

You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach ... but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?" — Jim Gaffigan

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win." — Mitch Hedberg

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er". — Mitch Hedberg

And For You Zero, A Life Sized Vudu Doll"
-Kaname Kuran
"I DONT WANT IT!"
-Zero Kiryu
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
-Juri Elizabeth Marin — Matsuri Hino

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." — Tim Vine

No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE — A.O. Storm

First, I'm going to teach you how to Irish Whip someone."
"Oh, that sounds kinky. I want my safeword to be peaches," I said, grinning. — Kyle Adams

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again. — Bill Burr

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle." — Mitch Hedberg

I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway. — Tim Heidecker

I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life. — F Scott Fitzgerald

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!" — Mitch Hedberg

When somebody says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," it means they've got other things to do first. — Mark Schiff

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!" — Henny Youngman

And all those things you listed right now, they're
things Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don't want me. You want me and
Garrett. — Elle Kennedy

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend. — Jimmy Fallon

I don't believe in God, don't believe in the devil. Unless you want to count my mother. She might be Satan's sister, I suppose. — Ellen Hopkins

You want everyone to be great and funny. I'm not saying I'm great, but I'm funny. — Jon Lovitz

I mean, why would you want the funny sidekick when you can have the heroine? — Lauren Layne

I want to woo you with food now that I've wooed you with words, song, and the magic of my interpretive dance. — Stacey Jay

On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick." — Tom Waits

Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her. — Stacey Wallace Benefiel

You may say what you want to, but in my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in my opinion she was just full of sand. — Mark Twain

I want to show you that you can be funny and hot. You can drink and read. People are still getting used to what I am. — Ke$ha

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.
-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet

I want my lobster in bite-sized pieces! How dare you make me chew more than thrice? — Adam Jay Epstein

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central? — Chris Rock

We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting. — Nenia Campbell

I said,'What's your problem?' Asshole." There was a question behind his question, and that shadow question was 'Do you want to dance? — Adrian Barnes