Funny Humorous Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Humorous
Funny Humorous Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Humorous quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
— Victor Borge
For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.
— Elizabeth Inchbald
If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.
— Charles Dickens
"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
— Charles Dickens
There was an edge to his expression, like he didn't trust anyone who was more attractive than he was.
— Marissa Meyer
Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!
— Charles Dickens
All humans learn from each other's mistakes. Intelligent humans learn how to avoid them, idiots how to do them.
— Raheel Farooq
My gramps is a lot like you. No sense of adventure. All he does is sit in his urn...
— Cleo Peitsche
This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit.-Ty Henderson — Madeleine Urban
I may just be on the outskirts of being okay.
— Pawan Mishra
My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny.
— Stanley Victor Paskavich
One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
— Carroll Bryant
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.
— Candice Bergen
I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth.
— Ana Claudia Antunes
You're going to be trouble, aren't you?""Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see. — Zoe Forward
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
— Carroll Bryant
When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.
— Nenia Campbell
I don't think I'm crazy, but then again, define crazy.
— J. Lincoln Fenn
Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ...
— E.A. Bucchianeri
...I gotta burn these scales... sigh*
— Hiroko Sakai
I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.
— Pawan Mishra
Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans — Zoe Marriott
Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)
— Simon Ewins
The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)
— Elaine Kagan
For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.
— Charles Dickens
She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much!
— Ljupka Cvetanova
I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
— Rodney Dangerfield
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
— Terry Pratchett
I think that the habit of gloomy poetry is very funny. It's like a special competition in losing.
— Miroslav Holub
Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?
— Regina Griffin
In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.
— Charles Dickens
Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter.
— Gail Carriger
Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.
— Matshona Dhliwayo
Listen, I'd rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph again!
— Diane Ackerman
When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing ...
— Hiroko Sakai
When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up.
— Spuds Crawford
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.
— Leah Broadby
There is no point in housing troubles inside your underwear if you can't solve them by yourself.
— Pawan Mishra
Poems for children help them celebrate the joy and wonder of their world. Humorous poems tickle the funny bone of their imaginations.
— Charles Ghigna
Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with it.
— Adrienne Wilder
He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt
— Laurell K. Hamilton
Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know. — Michael Hogan
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there
— Will Rogers
It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.
— F Scott Fitzgerald
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
— Charles Dickens
Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me!
— Rick Riordan
Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others
— Yana Toboso
Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,
— Steven Pinker
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".
— Russell Beland
Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky.""Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment? — E.A. Bucchianeri
I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
— Ljupka Cvetanova
What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle. — Joseph Rosenbloom
In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.
— Amunhotep El Bey
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I'm going to strip my way through plumber's school. What do you think of the stage name Fine-Ass Frankie?
— Rebecca Murphy
And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese
— Lucian Bane
Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
— Christina Scalise
(About a cookbook ... )- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. — Terry Pratchett
I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society.
— G.G. Silverman
How come I have too many things to do all the time ... ??
— Hiroko Sakai
The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job.
— Sue Civil-Brown
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
— Carroll Bryant
Men weigh love with hands.
— Ljupka Cvetanova