Funny Friend Quotes: top 80 famous quotes about Funny Friend

Funny Friend Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Friend quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?
ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. — KanyaACoffman

The best time to make friends is
before you need them. — Ethel Barrymore

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. — Erma Bombeck

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but ... what a dork. — Demetri Martin

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees. — Ryan Lilly

My tiny scary friend is coming — Laini Taylor

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said. — Steven Wright

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies. — Voltaire

A mother is the best friend God ever gave. — Christian Nestell Bovee

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause. — Dave Barry

I just killed my best friend ... and my worst enemy. What's the difference? — Christian Slater

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Talk about getting off tangent. My mother's friend may have just killed his wife and my parents are sitting there talking about cows. — Wendy Lichtman

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people" — Andy Borowitz

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them — Andy Borowitz

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. — Groucho Marx

Don't do it gurl," he said with a wink. "You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend's husband's dick now drop it. — Ethan Day

Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. — Charles Caleb Colton

Time for Tolerance,Equality, and Acceptance, It's allways TEA time with my Friends ... — Gregory Douglass

It reminds me how funny living in LA can be; You go to a friend's barbecue and you leave the face of Victoria Beckham's look book. — Alice Greczyn

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice. — Otto Von Bismarck

I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny — Haresh Daswani

It's funny how you can know a person, think of him as your closest friend, and still never gain access to the secret chambers in his heart. — Jennifer Finney Boylan

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. — Augusten Burroughs

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious. — Rowan Atkinson

We all men want a bad girl friend, but a good wife. — M.F. Moonzajer

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him. — Oscar Wilde

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper. — Mitch Hedberg

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. — Steven Wright

I love writing with Adam Lambert. He's really funny and very fun, he's a great friend. — Bonnie McKee

I don't like half the folks I love. — Paul Thorn

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt." — Mitch Hedberg

Clint Eastwood's a good friend, too - he and I used to play in softball games together. — Lee Majors

Sanders was a friend of chickens. — Charles Taylor Manatt

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts. — Demetri Martin

We're just frisking like little captive lambkins. — Tamora Pierce

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them. — Edwin Arlington Robinson

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend. — Edward De Bono

My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off. — Isaac Marion

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. — Corey Ford

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it. — Jimmy Carr

Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you. — Yasser Arafat

very funny my sarcastic friend — Cassandra Clare

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused. — Mason Cooley

Screw you! You're a crappy best friend!!! — Jenny Han

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition? — Phil Silvers

I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him. — Ben Bailey

Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other. — Honore De Balzac

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth. — Rebecca Brooks

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter. — Jim Carrey

We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home — Thabang Gideon Magaola

There's no better friend than a sister ... — Mary Engelbreit

Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family. — Bruce White

Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason — Mason Cooley

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided. — Samuel Hall Lord

I guess it was what my friend Phoolendu at the yoga studio would call kismet. That's like fate, but much more dramatic. — Robin Palmer

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb. — Russell Howard

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. — Jon Foreman

It was funny how one afternoon with a best friend could set a girl right. — Libba Bray

My Scottie refused to go for a walk with a friend of the house, but she would joyously accompany any stranger who drove a car. — Mazo De La Roche

Here. There. Everywhere." He leered at his friend. "Thinking about you and Moira's
underwear. — Dana Marie Bell

Life is so much friendlier with two. — A.A. Milne

Without friends the world is but a wilderness. — Francis Bacon

It's funny, but if I had to say whom I'm closer to, who knows me better, I'd have a hard time choosing between my husband and my best friend. — Nancy Thayer

Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. — Wavy Gravy

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men — Bill Engvall

The first time someone asked me if I was pregnant, I was eating friend cheese at the Summit County Fair — Olive B. Persimmon

It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell. — George Herbert

It's funny how getting stabbed through the heart by a friend can bring your whole school year down. — Heather Brewer

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable. — Mitch Hedberg

Nothing beats camping out in a dreary Jotunheim forest while your friend stitches runes on a giant bowling bag! — Rick Riordan

She must have been very anxious about a first boy friend to fall in love with a Colgate boy — Haidji

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way — Ali Shariati

She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a Star Trek matter transporter accident. — Andrew Hinkinson

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help. — Euripides

Why would anybody want a friend? — Jerry Seinfeld

Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter. — Gelett Burgess

You Too? I thought I was the only one. — C.S. Lewis