Funny Ex Girlfriend Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Funny Ex Girlfriend

Funny Ex Girlfriend Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Ex Girlfriend quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. — S. Walden

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary. — Daniel Tosh

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." — Jimmy Carr

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well ... she's got eyes. — Kristen Schaal

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. — Adam Ferrara

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat. — Jimmy Carr

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend. — Dave Attell

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik

Are there days when you find life terribly confusing?

Only when I have a girlfriend. — Erin McCahan

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

Think of your girlfriend or boyfriend or whomever you want to. — Eugene Ormandy

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net! — Steve Coogan

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring." — Steven Wright

To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king. — Susan Mallery

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. — Daniel Tosh

That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and a smart, funny, kind, loving girlfriend or wife. — Moby

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito. — Mitch Hedberg

We all men want a bad girl friend, but a good wife. — M.F. Moonzajer

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. — Mitch Hedberg

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!" — Billy Connolly

My girlfriend doesn't think I'm funny at all. — Robbie Amell

After 'Crocodile Dundee,' I turned down lots of stuff, most of it where I'd play the girlfriend of some funny man. — Linda Kozlowski

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia. — Frankie Boyle

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed. — Aristotle.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! — Rodney Dangerfield

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. — Adam Ferrara

Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her. — Stacey Wallace Benefiel

Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder. — Simone Elkeles