Funny Demetri Martin Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Funny Demetri Martin

Funny Demetri Martin Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Demetri Martin quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but ... what a dork. — Demetri Martin

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ... but enjoying the music". — Demetri Martin

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole. — Demetri Martin

Once a person has faith, he has achieved everything. — Ramakrishna

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE! — Demetri Martin

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!' — Demetri Martin

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! — Demetri Martin

In the desert there is no sign that says, Thou shalt not eat stones. - Sufi proverb — Margaret Atwood

I have to think of all the possibilities, doctor. Even a crime of passion is possible.' 'Passion?' the doctor smiled. 'I am an Englishman. — Graham Greene

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. — Demetri Martin

This is a pie chart about procrastination. — Demetri Martin

If you say that you're a cheap designer, you're a cheap designer. It's really hard to recover from that. — Jessica Hische

Today everyone is a star - they're all billed as 'starring' or 'also starring'. In my day, we earned that recognition. — Bette Davis

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole". — Demetri Martin

A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth judgment unto truth. — Anonymous

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!" — Demetri Martin

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts. — Demetri Martin

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.' — Demetri Martin

Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore. — Demetri Martin

If you're a good journalist, what you do is live a lot of things vicariously, and report them for other people who want to live vicariously. — Harry Reasoner

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun ... ladies. — Demetri Martin

I don't even have cable anymore, or a television. I just watch on computers. It's clearly the future of where we're heading. — Famke Janssen

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.' — Demetri Martin

I feel so helpless When you look at me that way I'll do anything for you Only for you — Emma Chase

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny. — Demetri Martin

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. — Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues" — Demetri Martin

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts. — Demetri Martin

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay. — Demetri Martin

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human. I felt very puny as a human. I thought, 'Fuck that. I want to be a superhuman. — David Bowie

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. — Demetri Martin