Funny Day Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny Day

Funny Day Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Day quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. — Jean De La Bruyere

I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is. — Mitch Hedberg

One fall day in Boston, a tall mechanical engineering student named Joe entered the student union at Harvard University. He was all ambition and acne — Dan Ariely

I think it would be difficult to get drunk in China. I tried to drink some beer with chop sticks and it took me a whole day to finish one can. — Jerry Snider

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

Ladders were not inherently dangerous, he told himself, people climbed them every day, and most of them lived. — Anne Ursu

Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it. — Robert Breault

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away! — Rodney Dangerfield

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit — Ann Everett

Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day. — Ed Bernard

It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day. — Lady Victoria Hervey

It's funny how some things are just words until one day, it happens to you, and it's like an epiphany. — Cheryl McIntyre

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. — Joseph Gordon-Levitt

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed. — Tommy Cooper

Dogs have their day but cats have 365. — Lilian Jackson Braun

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. — Kristen Schaal

From day one, I've been prepared
With vo5 wax for my ginger hair. — Ed Sheeran

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend. — George Carlin

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole." — Robin Williams

He also gave me some advice that I follow to this day: Sing in the mirror. If it looks funny, it's wrong. — Renee Fleming

I laugh every day. There are days when my laughs are pretty hollow. Dust comes out of your mouth, and your bones make a funny sound. But I'm laughing. — James L. Brooks

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill. — Charlie Sheen

On this special Fathers Day, we'd like to wish all of you a very Happy Birthday. — Ralph Kiner

It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not. — Sean Astin

I feel like every day of my life is a funny wardrobe malfunction! — Nikki Reed

I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day. — Frankie Boyle

You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor. — Craig Ferguson

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live. — Shannon L. Alder

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.' — Adam Ferrara

If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on. — Jennifer Lawrence

One of my favorite comedies is 'Groundhog Day' and 'Scrooged.' I love Bill Murray, and I think he's a great example of an actor who is funny. — Fiona Gubelmann

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old. — Stephen Colbert

Christ, they'd be getting a cat next. He mentally recoiled from the idea: the day they did that, he'd cut off his dick and call himself a lesbian. — Kate Aaron

Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss. — Dwight D. Eisenhower

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. — Albert Einstein

Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky - then toss your phone into the bushes. — Waylon H. Lewis

Another day gone and no jokes. — Flann O'Brien

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter. — Martha Stewart

Don't go there Rule" Lawe warned him softly. " I don't think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die. — Lora Leigh

What about Monday? That could be our one day we look at things the same way, and wear funny shoes. — Kevin Dalton

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. — Demetri Martin

I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man outside my window. It's not funny! It was real. — Barry Watson

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. — Courteney Cox

Isn't it funny how the slightest glance or the tiniest touch can ameliorate the discomforts of even the coldest day. — Patrick Stevens

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open. — Steven Wright

If I didn't kick his ass every day? he wouldn't be worth anything. — Hillary Clinton

To say my day was not going well, would be like saying the French Revolution had been a bit troublesome for Marie Antoinette. — Nichole Chase

I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day. — Magic Johnson

True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day. — James E. Faust

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise. — Steven Wright

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. — Santosh Kalwar

Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it. — Mark W. Boyer

April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously. — Criss Jami

At the end of the day I'm writing comedy. If you get too realistic as a comedy writer with your disasters, it stops being funny. — Simon Rich

I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. — Dion Boucicault

I will do comedy until the day I die: inappropriate comedy, funny comedy, gender-bending, twisting comedy, whatever comedy is out there. — Sandra Bullock

Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! — Hannah Murray

It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day? — J.R.R. Tolkien

I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. — Tommy Chong

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris

I took 'P.S. I Love You' thinking it was going to be a little funny, and I ended up crying every day on that film. — Hilary Swank

My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind — Seth Czerepak

When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence. — Bauvard

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. — Harriet Evans

No, it's fine. I know you're late. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, but I'm going to be in and out all day."
"That's what he said," she purred. — Dannika Dark

My own brother calling me a brickhead. Sneering faeries insulting me. Women punching me in the face. How much more am I to swallow in one bloody day? — Nora Roberts

Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies. — Claudia Gray

I decided I would rather have a day job and love music than to play music that made me hate it. — David Torn

Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them. — Steve Coogan

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. — Tom Hanks

The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should've been before sunrise and pre-coffee. — Kelly Moran

The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach. — Mark Hart

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat? — Carroll Bryant

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day. — H. L. Hunt

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. — Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

I don't have a desire to do reality. Because my truth is not what people are responding to. My truth is funny; I laugh with my husband every day. — Niecy Nash

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. — David Letterman

As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless. — Lord Chesterfield

Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office. — Jerry Coleman

On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence. — William Jennings Bryan

Funny how the nature of a normal day is the first memory to fade. — Lionel Shriver

One day instead the old woman said kind words to her and gave her an awning on a stick to keep rain off (there has been much rain in purgatorium) — Ali Smith

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? — Dorothy Parker

I try to hook you up every day. What's the point of calendars without dates? — Lauren Kate

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. — Tim Vine

I love Ice Cube and Charlie Day. They're brilliant men, great actors and very funny people. — Tracy Morgan

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia. — Frankie Boyle

Its a beautiful day.I think I'll skip my meds and stir things up a bit_Bumper Sticker — Darynda Jones

On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary." — Yogi Berra

Love is just a chocolate substitute. — Melanie Clark Pullen

When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the streets, and people die every day, there's nothing funny about it. — Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder. — Al Gore

But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day! — Terry Pratchett

Well, the funny thing is, you are never the same person that you were the day before. — Jon Foreman

I think maybe to survive, I mean to just get through the day - I'm not saying that everything is hilariously funny. — Roz Chast

It's funny being the big news every day - and the good news every day. — Charlie Adam

Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really. — Dave Barry

There's no such thing as a good tax. — Winston Churchill