Funny Day Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Day
Funny Day Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Day quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.
— Jean De La Bruyere
I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.
— Mitch Hedberg
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
— Adam Ferrara
Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.
— Robert Breault
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
— Rodney Dangerfield
I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit
— Ann Everett
Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day.
— Ed Bernard
It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.
— Lady Victoria Hervey
It's funny how some things are just words until one day, it happens to you, and it's like an epiphany.
— Cheryl McIntyre
The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home.
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
— Tommy Cooper
Dogs have their day but cats have 365.
— Lilian Jackson Braun
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.
— Kristen Schaal
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
— George Carlin
He also gave me some advice that I follow to this day: Sing in the mirror. If it looks funny, it's wrong.
— Renee Fleming
I laugh every day. There are days when my laughs are pretty hollow. Dust comes out of your mouth, and your bones make a funny sound. But I'm laughing.
— James L. Brooks
I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
— Charlie Sheen
It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not.
— Sean Astin
I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.
— Frankie Boyle
You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.
— Craig Ferguson
If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.
— Shannon L. Alder
One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
— Adam Ferrara
If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on.
— Jennifer Lawrence
One of my favorite comedies is 'Groundhog Day' and 'Scrooged.' I love Bill Murray, and I think he's a great example of an actor who is funny.
— Fiona Gubelmann
Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.
— Stephen Colbert
Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss.
— Dwight D. Eisenhower
Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky - then toss your phone into the bushes.
— Waylon H. Lewis
Another day gone and no jokes.
— Flann O'Brien
Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.
— Martha Stewart
Don't go there Rule" Lawe warned him softly. " I don't think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die.
— Lora Leigh
What about Monday? That could be our one day we look at things the same way, and wear funny shoes.
— Kevin Dalton
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
— Demetri Martin
Isn't it funny how the slightest glance or the tiniest touch can ameliorate the discomforts of even the coldest day.
— Patrick Stevens
I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
— Steven Wright
If I didn't kick his ass every day? he wouldn't be worth anything.
— Hillary Clinton
To say my day was not going well, would be like saying the French Revolution had been a bit troublesome for Marie Antoinette.
— Nichole Chase
I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.
— Magic Johnson
True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.
— James E. Faust
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
— Dion Boucicault
I will do comedy until the day I die: inappropriate comedy, funny comedy, gender-bending, twisting comedy, whatever comedy is out there.
— Sandra Bullock
Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy!
— Hannah Murray
It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day?
— J.R.R. Tolkien
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris
No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris
I took 'P.S. I Love You' thinking it was going to be a little funny, and I ended up crying every day on that film.
— Hilary Swank
When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.
— Bauvard
I decided I would rather have a day job and love music than to play music that made me hate it.
— David Torn
Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them.
— Steve Coogan
If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay.
— Tom Hanks
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
— Carroll Bryant
If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day.
— H. L. Hunt
Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.
— Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
— David Letterman
As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.
— Lord Chesterfield
Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.
— Jerry Coleman
On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.
— William Jennings Bryan
Funny how the nature of a normal day is the first memory to fade.
— Lionel Shriver
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
— Dorothy Parker
I love Ice Cube and Charlie Day. They're brilliant men, great actors and very funny people.
— Tracy Morgan
Its a beautiful day.I think I'll skip my meds and stir things up a bit_Bumper Sticker
— Darynda Jones
On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."
— Yogi Berra
Love is just a chocolate substitute.
— Melanie Clark Pullen
When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the streets, and people die every day, there's nothing funny about it.
— Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day!
— Terry Pratchett
Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.
— Dave Barry
There's no such thing as a good tax.
— Winston Churchill