Funny D Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny D

Funny D Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny D quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators. — Ellen DeGeneres

What's a book boyfriend and how do I find them so I can kick their asses? — M.D. Saperstein

I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so pissed. And you know, you'd be dead. So that would suck. — Bree Despain

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender. — Daniel Tosh

All mothers are slightly insane. — J.D. Salinger

It was as if when he left he'd taken some of the screws that held her together and now all she could do was walk around all wonky and falling apart — Virginia Macgregor

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable. — Darynda Jones

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett

Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day. — Ed Bernard

If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I'd say that's a double loss. — John Madden

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When? — Bill Hicks

I'm at a Hollywood premiere and I haven't fainted. I'd say I'm doing pretty good. — Veronica Blade

I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota. — Frankie Boyle

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. — Steven Wright

The funny thing is,' Calvin said, 'I thought I'd been breathing underwater this whole time, but I guess I've been drowning. — Shaun David Hutchinson

Well, the plenty of fish in the sea thing is bullshit," I said. "The other fish are weird, smell funny, or hooked on someone else's fishing line. — L.D. Davis

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday. — George Lopez

Thanks for coming, Zach told him. He slapped Jonas on the back. And I felt like I'd fallen into an alternate universe. One where Zach had ... friends. — Ally Carter

I'd love to do sitcoms. I think I'm pretty darn funny. — Yasmine Bleeth

He told me to be funny for the Fat Lady, once. — J.D. Salinger

And then I met a woman,
now comes the funny part;
with eyes that petrified my brain
and sunk into my heart. — Hugh Antoine D'Arcy

I'd sold my soul to get out of detention. — Jennifer Lynn Barnes

I just don't know what I'd do without a brain, Simone!" I say. "I mean, what's a person without one? — Randa Abdel-Fattah

She's strong! And scary ... I bet she's single ... I'd put money on it.. — Masashi Kishimoto

I'm telling you, Augustus Waters talked so much that he'd interrupt you at his own funeral. — John Green

If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. — Marlon Wayans

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black

Sometimes, when I can't get to sleep, I imagine all the rules I'd invent if I ever got to be in charge of the world. — Sophie Kinsella

You ever tried sixty-nine, Lola? I think you'd like it. You're a good multi-tasker. — Bianca Giovanni

I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants. — George Lopez

If water was beer I'd be a teetotaler — Benny Bellamacina

Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up. — Frank Zappa

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Without the New York Times, there is no blog community. They'd have nothing to blog about. — Malcolm Gladwell

It's funny that until I actually met my husband, I never thought I'd get married. — Regina King

I've seen all the Judd Apatow movies, and I'd love to have a really funny little part in one of them some day. — Miranda Cosgrove

If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp
That's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary

It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. — Bill Engvall

And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead. — Joe Walker

She'd met Colin on a Monday.
She'd kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic. — Julia Quinn

I'd like to say I'm not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie. — Lisa Daily

Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women. — Zooey Deschanel

It's funny how there are things in this world that do nothing but annoy you, but you know you'd miss them when they're gone. — Markus Zusak

Can I fetch you something, madam? A cup of tea?'
In the old days she'd have been 'miss' and he'd have offered her a cocktail. — Sara Sheridan

Oh, hell, he'd look hot in a chicken suit. — Cyn Balog

If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Mr. Monogamy doesn't find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I'd have to chuck it all and join a monastery. — Kim Cormack

I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer. — Kelly Ripa

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?
All the time. — Wendy Mass

Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out. — R.D. Ronald

Without setbacks there'd be no comebacks, and everyone loves a come. — Kyle Johnson

Did Cap'n Vidious leave that? He is such a cuddlebunny."
"Yeah," I said, "that's exactly how I'd describe him. — Joel N. Ross

I'd like to point out that we've had zero problem reaching each other's mouths. — Stephanie Perkins

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. — Steven Wright

A comedy isn't about being funny ... a comedy is about characters who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all. — Gary D. Schmidt

You," he purred, "are a HILF."
"A what?"
"A Horseman I'd like to fuck. — Larissa Ione

Isn't it funny how something that will later be a blessing can be a curse if you get it too soon. — T.D. Jakes

It's funny: half my films were flops, half did well. It would be terrible if I'd had only success. — Claude Lelouch

I'd much rather a monkey throws a blanket instead of a brick. — Nicole McKay

Keep trying?
I'd rather keep walking. I mean, whisky is whisky — Ljupka Cvetanova

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. — Bo Burnham

Funny, that. For so long Wormwood had desired the throne and then, when he'd had it, it hadn't been worth desiring after all. — John Connolly

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him. — Noel Fielding

If cheese was a woman, I'd marry her. I'd come home and eat her every night. — Solange Nicole

We may have been like needles in a hay stack, but they were like needles ... in a stack of needles — D.J. MacHale

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. — Dick Van Dyke

I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin. — Libba Bray

I'd seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many. — Richelle Mead

I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues. — Franklin D. Roosevelt

The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery. — Rachel Vincent

I'd rather be funny than wise. — Dennis Miller

If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great. — Erin Dionne

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think? — Chris Rock

It's funny what happens when you become a grandparent. You start to act all goofy and do things you never thought you'd do. It's terrific. — Mike Krzyzewski

You catch more flies with honey, ever heard of that?" He shrugged. "I don't like flies. They're annoying." He grinned "I'd rather catch hell. — Heather Hildenbrand

She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche. — Larissa Ione

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached. — Alan Carr

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials — Ann Everett

Don't you think you're quite young?'
'I'm twenty-one,' said Brida. 'If I wanted to start learning ballet, I'd be conseidered too old. — Paulo Coelho

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course ... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. — Steve Coogan

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire. — Jim Norton

Magic is a funny term,' she'd say. 'There is nothing supernatural about the earth. As long as you know what does what. — Suzanne Palmieri

I would love to do something like 'Beverly Hills Cop'. I'd get to be funny and cool and heroic all in the same breath. — Ja Rule

It's like they were worried that I'd be alone all day brooding and painting my cabin black or something - sheesh. — Melissa Walker

It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. — J.D. Salinger

I'd rather have rabies than be in love."
"Why?"
"Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots. — Shelly Laurenston

I'd love to be able to fit in a box. Like one of those people who fit into small boxes. I'd love it. — Robert Pattinson

Unlike Tania, who was so slim, Rykoff looked as if he'd been given an order to get fat
an order he had been delighted to obey. — Henning Mankell

He'd done it like he did everything else - with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her. — Kaylea Cross

You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt — Laurell K. Hamilton

We're engaged to be engaged, aren't we? — E.D. Baker

You put cow dung on my face?' 'Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear? — Renita D'Silva

You're nasty and you're loud,
you're mean enough for two,
If I could be a cloud,
I'd rain all day on you. — Jack Prelutsky

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. — Augusten Burroughs

He'd make her work so hard that a job as a cardboard-box presser at the margerine factory would seem like paradise. — Jussi Adler-Olsen

I'd love to be what I have been. — Raheel Farooq

The truth of the matter was no boy I knew lived up to the fantasy I'd created from the many books I'd read, and I wasn't going to settle. — Natasha Boyd

And I'd be damned if I let the first photograph of me in ten years be taken on fucking Amtrak. I mean, the light alone. — Elizabeth Little

Just when I think I have nothing to say, the characters start to speak. Writing is funny like that. — J.D. Barker