Funny And Random Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny And Random
Funny And Random Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny And Random quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. — KanyaACoffman
That didn't sound like them slinging beads at us. Think if I whip my shirt off, they'll go blind and leave? Nick
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
I wanted to shove her typewriter on the floor. I hated it and I hated her. I wanted to be a Cosby.
— Augusten Burroughs
The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams.
— Nenia Campbell
Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, the imagine my mom and dad having sex.
— Rachel DeWoskin
Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew - in jeggings.
— Nenia Campbell
Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain.
— Kyousuke Motomi
If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself.
— Jody Wallace
Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.
— Judith Chambers
Alice smiled her wide smile. The crooked incisor smile.
— Jennifer Mathieu
Leonard had let them go alone with the young boy who Ali was now convinced, was a couple falafel's short of a picnic
— L.R. Currell
Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
— Rick Riordan
Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' - or at least, that's what I would think if I had a chronic fear of freakishly nice people.
— Nenia Campbell
Knocking the shrieking goblins aside like skittles
— J.K. Rowling
The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone.
— Hilary McKay
I Don't care which president is sucking your dick at the moment, I will not be a party to the killing of innocent men!
— Brandice Snowden Demon's Veil
When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.
— Nenia Campbell
He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass.
— Chris Hannan
There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.
— Santosh Kalwar
Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?
— Regina Griffin
A blanket is a tell-all story about its endeavors with certain highly publicized people and their somewhat promiscuous acts.
— Nicole McKay
I just finished running, and I look and smell like nothing very pleasant. Why, oh, why did he have to bump into me now?
— Abigail Owen
NI! Oh no! Not ni! — Graham Chapman
You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It's certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!
— Nicole McKay
No one broke his finger and got away with it.
— Sarah Masters
Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in.
— Holly Hood
(About a cookbook ... )- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. — Terry Pratchett
Cause hearts are amazing things. They get lots bigger to make room for new people to love alongside the old people you love. -Simi
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them.
— Nenia Campbell
I was not dressed crazily - I was dressed as a horse. And for a very logical and sane reason.
— Diane Messidoro
Remember. Make him cry uncle.Cry uncle, my posterior. I'm going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom's designer heels at the prom. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible.
— Santosh Kalwar
Dogs are angels full of poop.
— Oliver Gaspirtz
Don't you wish we all lived in black light ... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it
— Josh Stern
I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
Instead I sounded like a little girl on her first day of kindergarten. My name is Bee, and I like coloring and horsies.
— Kate Avery Ellison
A brick could be used for note delivery, from the KKK.
— Nicole McKay
You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.
— Christy Leigh Stewart
Sometimes charm can make a person blind to truth ... look at Ted Bundy.
— Shelley K. Wall
People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.
— Wes Adamson
Do you remember what I forgot?
— Erica Goros
EAT SANDWICH, NOT OWN MOUTH.
— Lauren Conrad
The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket.
— Nicole McKay
A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick.
— Nicole McKay
How funny are dogs?
— John Marsden
I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River's Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled.
— Cate Tiernan
What's purple mean?"Adrian put his hand on the door. "Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting — Richelle Mead
Anytime you can escape to an adventure do it, what have you got to lose? Just keep turning the page.
— Mira Monroe
If you're heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous
— Rick Riordan
Damn it. Reyes could be such a butthead. Freaking Antichrists.
— Darynda Jones
If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great.
— Erin Dionne
Miguel: Merle? What kind of hick name is that? I wouldn't name my dog Merle.
— The Walking Dead
Imogene always sitson the remote. It's probably wedged between her butt cheeks."
"Should I go get a crowbar? — Kirsten Miller
Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick.
— Simon Dunn
Tell Savitar I said hi.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.
— Nicole McKay
A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!
— Nicole McKay
My smile wavers as I revert to my natural state of being: nervous and weird.
— Stephanie Perkins
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months
— Josh Stern
Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome.
— Carla H. Krueger
Sometimes you are the peanut to my butter and sometimes you are those annoying crumbs left over when someone makes toast.
— Brenda Lochinger
I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.
— Santosh Kalwar
Some days you were the bitch and some days you were shit that came out of the bitch's toy poodle. Today was one of those days I was the latter.
— Stacey Marie Brown
I didn't actually know what regret tasted like - but I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk.
— Angela N. Blount
Tip#27Kiss a girl if you're a female,
If you're a single male kiss a Guy
(Idea)
It's fun to offend society ~ — Hazel Cartwright
I didn't know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.
— Rachel Vincent
If You're Gonna Ride My Ass, At Least Pull My Hair!
— S.C. Stephens
People in hell want snowcones.
— Nora Roberts
World domination is just my side gig.
— Tanjlisa Marie
She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny.
— Elizabeth Gaskell
Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.
— Leah Broadby
What can I say? I'm like a playground water fountain, I live to wet people's pants.
— Frances Winkler
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
— Darynda Jones