Ever Best Funny Quotes: top 54 famous quotes about Ever Best Funny

Ever Best Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Ever Best Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record. — Richard Roberts

I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous. — Christopher Buckley

Her hands were large and knuckley and calloused, made to hold a rifle, not a needle. — Hilary Mantel

One does not simply ring Roland.
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews

Vomit and shit, even your own, stink. — Sheeja Jose

I'm so careless that now i don't even care if i cared about you. — Me

I think people like comedies and I think concept driven comedies seem to be working when it's a clear concept and you deliver funny stuff. — Todd Phillips

And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself. — Murray Walker

It is funny how no one seems to want my always excellent advice. — Anne Lamott

This was going to be the best cup of tea ever, even if it did look piss weak and oily. He took a gentle sip. Motherfuckers. It was coffee. — Simon Dunn

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button. — Rick Reilly

The funny part about Islam is; even if you rape a woman, it would be considered as her fault. — M.F. Moonzajer

These are the best things I've ever had in my mouth! — Mora Early

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry

I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. — Tears For Fears

Fuck you."
"Promise? — Carole Cummings

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile. — Adam Sandler

A mother is the best friend God ever gave. — Christian Nestell Bovee

More you know, better advice you give. Less you know, more advice you give. — Gerry Geek

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds. — Dave Barry

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg

Dude. Hot Bozo. Best nickname ever. — Cynthia Hand

I got my start in silent radio. — Bob Monkhouse

Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious. — Caitlin Hale

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? — Robin Williams

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan

You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings

I held a nail in place and slammed it with the hammer. Best. Chore. Ever. — Cate Tiernan

So does that mean if you won't fuck me because I'm high, I could fuck you because you're not? — K.A. Mitchell

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. — Tammara Webber

he hadn't killed or shagged even one single person in front of me - which I felt was a rather good indication of his superior character. — Hettie Ivers

Fuck you!" "Right here?" He crossed his arms. "That definitely wouldn't help your getting over me. — Stacey Marie Brown

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

How much detention did you get?
Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind. — Lois Greiman

It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. — Dave Grohl

Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.' — David Letterman

As humans we speak one language ... — Avril Lavigne

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.
It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth. — Rebecca Brooks

He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery. — Holly Black

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire. — Jim Norton

In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music. — Orson Scott Card

Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward."
"Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? — Jerry Seinfeld

Being good has nothing to do with being a Boy !!. Better is the latter! — Nelson Jack

The ballgame is over ... in this inning. — Jerry Coleman

It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless. — Caprice Bourret

She wanted to be given a funny script so that she could make it funnier. — Nick Hornby

I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy. — Eric Drooker

Text messages are dying a funny kind of death. — Anonymous