Eugene Mirman Quotes
Collection of top 47 famous quotes about Eugene Mirman
Eugene Mirman Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Eugene Mirman quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
On a quick side note, I would argue thatmuch like Samuel L. Jackson
I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great. — Eugene Mirman
You can do anything you want, as long as it works.
— Eugene Mirman
You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
— Eugene Mirman
Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guyseither for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right. — Eugene Mirman
The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.
— Eugene Mirman
God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
— Eugene Mirman
Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
— Eugene Mirman
It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
— Eugene Mirman
This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book should be to you.
— Eugene Mirman
You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.
— Eugene Mirman
I was at peace with it; I'd taken his hatred and insecurity-driven malice and turned it into fame, money, and of course, pussy.
— Eugene Mirman
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
— Eugene Mirman
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
— Eugene Mirman
I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
— Eugene Mirman
I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?
— Eugene Mirman
Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
— Eugene Mirman
Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?
— Eugene Mirman
I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.
— Eugene Mirman
What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
— Eugene Mirman
I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
— Eugene Mirman
Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
— Eugene Mirman
I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles ... because I didn't know.
— Eugene Mirman
If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.
— Eugene Mirman
If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
— Eugene Mirman
If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
— Eugene Mirman
Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
— Eugene Mirman
If you're at a party with more than five people named Chad, get the fuck out right away.
— Eugene Mirman
The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
— Eugene Mirman
I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.
— Eugene Mirman
What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
— Eugene Mirman
Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
— Eugene Mirman
I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.
— Eugene Mirman
I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.
— Eugene Mirman
Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?
— Eugene Mirman
Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
— Eugene Mirman
Try not to wake up on fire.
— Eugene Mirman
