Diller Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Diller

Diller Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Diller quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. — Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. — Phyllis Diller

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. — Phyllis Diller

People have paid for content. They always have. — Barry Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. — Phyllis Diller

No one can solve an issue where there is no economic model yet. — Barry Diller

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they'd boo. — Phyllis Diller

My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe. — Phyllis Diller

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! — Phyllis Diller

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death. — Phyllis Diller

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone. — Phyllis Diller

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking. — Phyllis Diller

The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience. — Phyllis Diller

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves. — Phyllis Diller

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. — Phyllis Diller

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on. — Phyllis Diller

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. — Phyllis Diller

When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests. — Phyllis Diller

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready. — Phyllis Diller

I am a contrarian. — Barry Diller

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs. — Phyllis Diller

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. — Phyllis Diller

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water. — Phyllis Diller

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. — Phyllis Diller

Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn. — Phyllis Diller

I never thought I was a very good manager. — Barry Diller

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate. — Phyllis Diller

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car. — Phyllis Diller

I absolutely believe the Internet is passing from its free days into a paid system. Inevitably, I promise you, it will be paid. — Barry Diller

I like businesses in transition, first of all. If ever there were a business in transition, it is publishing. — Barry Diller

We need an unambiguous rule - a law - that nobody will step between the publisher and the consumer, full stop. — Barry Diller

My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life. — Phyllis Diller

Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight. — Phyllis Diller

The ability for consumers to receive broadcast over the air signal is their right. — Barry Diller

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush. — Phyllis Diller

Get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one. — Phyllis Diller

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball. — Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. — Phyllis Diller

The American public tunes in every night hoping to see two people screwing. Obviously, we can't give them that but let's always keep it in mind. — Barry Diller

A smile is a curve that sets things right. — Phyllis Diller

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest. — Phyllis Diller

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door. — Phyllis Diller

My opinion, young people go to the Internet. To the Internet distribution system right now, you put it up there and it's accessed by the world. — Barry Diller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? — Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. — Phyllis Diller

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. — Phyllis Diller

If you have too many epiphanies, you're on some kind of drug. — Barry Diller

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt. — Phyllis Diller

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour. — Phyllis Diller

Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles. — Phyllis Diller

Well, the Internet is this miracle. It is an absolutely extraordinary idea that you can press a send button, and you are publishing to the world. — Barry Diller

All forms of commerce are adversarial. — Barry Diller

One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit! — Phyllis Diller

We want to be able to sell you anything, anywhere, any time you want it. — Barry Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. — Phyllis Diller

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids ... and when you're away from them, who needs it?. — Phyllis Diller

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. — Phyllis Diller

Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight. — Phyllis Diller

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance? — Phyllis Diller

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls. — Phyllis Diller

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are. — Phyllis Diller

Money's scarce
Times are hard
Here's your fucking
Xmas card — Phyllis Diller

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. — Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. — Phyllis Diller

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor ... I was committed! — Phyllis Diller

I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard. — Phyllis Diller

Since I was in my early twenties, at ABC, I was always only interested in things that were not already being done. — Barry Diller

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned. — Phyllis Diller

The entertainment business hasn't had a new idea in years. — Barry Diller

Now along comes the potential creative destruction brought by a different distribution methodology, the Internet. — Barry Diller

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear. — Phyllis Diller

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality. — Phyllis Diller

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes. — Phyllis Diller

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough. — Phyllis Diller

Self-pity is better than none. — Phyllis Diller

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. — Phyllis Diller

We're in a world now where it's not enough to be smart. You have to be curious. — Barry Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. — Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance. — Phyllis Diller

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. — Phyllis Diller

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. — Phyllis Diller

I don't know how you feel about old age ... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear. — Phyllis Diller

E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing. — Phyllis Diller

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop ... and that was for the estimate. — Phyllis Diller

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped. — Phyllis Diller

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs. — Phyllis Diller

Comedy is tragedy revisited. — Phyllis Diller

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. — Phyllis Diller

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers. — Phyllis Diller

My father used to call me the laughing hyena. — Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. — Phyllis Diller

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer. — Phyllis Diller

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. — Phyllis Diller

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on. — Phyllis Diller

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation. — Phyllis Diller

He was hanging from one of the rafters in a laundry up near Frau Diller's. Another human pendulum. Another clock, stopped. — Markus Zusak

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce. — Phyllis Diller

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice. — Phyllis Diller