Bo Burnham Quotes: top 92 famous quotes about Bo Burnham

Bo Burnham Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Bo Burnham quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed — Bo Burnham

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me. — Bo Burnham

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something. — Bo Burnham

My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it. — Bo Burnham

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book. — Bo Burnham

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural. — Bo Burnham

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form. — Bo Burnham

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die. — Bo Burnham

My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition. — Bo Burnham

I've always liked the format of YouTube, sharing things for free, which is a nice exchange between people. — Bo Burnham

Forever and An Instant met up one day,
Had a short, but lovely talk,
then each went on it's way. — Bo Burnham

In high school, I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went. — Bo Burnham

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.' — Bo Burnham

Where are all the sour patch parents? — Bo Burnham

I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience. — Bo Burnham

Searching I'm not looking in every nook and cranny for it. I'll do the nooks. No way I left my keys in some fucking cranny. — Bo Burnham

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on. — Bo Burnham

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it. — Bo Burnham

I try and write satire that's well-intentioned. But those intentions have to be hidden. It can't be completely clear, and that's what makes it comedy. — Bo Burnham

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy — Bo Burnham

Mmmmmm
I like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? Speaking? Yeah, I dig it — Bo Burnham

The average person has one Fallopian tube. — Bo Burnham

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments. — Bo Burnham

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage. — Bo Burnham

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France. — Bo Burnham

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face. — Bo Burnham

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate. — Bo Burnham

When life gets you down, make a comforter! — Bo Burnham

Most of my songs make fun of myself. — Bo Burnham

People do complain about the way I act on stage ... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms. — Bo Burnham

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed. — Bo Burnham

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist ... how do we fix Africa?' — Bo Burnham

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't. — Bo Burnham

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names. — Bo Burnham

I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face. — Bo Burnham

Judge Jesus I said, "You can't judge me. Only Jesus can!" He said, "Well I can 'cause I'm a judge and 'cause you just killed a man. — Bo Burnham

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change? — Bo Burnham

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you. — Bo Burnham

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist. — Bo Burnham

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind. — Bo Burnham

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever. — Bo Burnham

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes. — Bo Burnham

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy. — Bo Burnham

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet. — Bo Burnham

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me ... — Bo Burnham

I saw a giraffe with a short neck
That was sad
Or a deer — Bo Burnham

I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now. — Bo Burnham

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth. — Bo Burnham

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke ... tumors. — Bo Burnham

I'm bored way too easily. I'm staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically? — Bo Burnham

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to. — Bo Burnham

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy. — Bo Burnham

You guys like impressions? Why? — Bo Burnham

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy. — Bo Burnham

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land? — Bo Burnham

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head. — Bo Burnham

If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that. — Bo Burnham

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own. — Bo Burnham

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try? — Bo Burnham

I just like to write and then perform. — Bo Burnham

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc. — Bo Burnham

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching. — Bo Burnham

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike. — Bo Burnham

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist. — Bo Burnham

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. — Bo Burnham

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person. — Bo Burnham

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like ... boys. — Bo Burnham

Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist. — Bo Burnham

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome. — Bo Burnham

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies. — Bo Burnham

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable. — Bo Burnham

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface. — Bo Burnham

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun. — Bo Burnham

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I ... don't. — Bo Burnham

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively. — Bo Burnham

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy. — Bo Burnham

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make. — Bo Burnham

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls. — Bo Burnham

Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function. — Bo Burnham

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine. — Bo Burnham

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost ... my virginity. — Bo Burnham

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it. — Bo Burnham

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college. — Bo Burnham

Love is all about ... whistles. — Bo Burnham

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot. — Bo Burnham

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool. — Bo Burnham

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it. — Bo Burnham

You How, may I ask, did you get so you, you beautiful true-to-you doer? I've met many today but can honestly say that I've never met anyone you-er. — Bo Burnham

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats. — Bo Burnham

Your afraid of sharks?
Really?
They don't even have bones!
They have cartilage.
Are you afraid of ears too? — Bo Burnham

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18 ... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage. — Bo Burnham