Best Lewis Grizzard Quotes: top 30 famous quotes about Best Lewis Grizzard

Best Lewis Grizzard Quotes & Sayings

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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. — Lewis Grizzard

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. — Lewis Grizzard

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck. — Lewis Grizzard

Spring time is the land awakening. — Lewis Grizzard

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes. — Lewis Grizzard

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. — Lewis Grizzard

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard. — Lewis Grizzard

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. — Lewis Grizzard

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease. — Lewis Grizzard

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards. — Lewis Grizzard

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?' — Lewis Grizzard

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago. — Lewis Grizzard

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence. — Lewis Grizzard

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower. — Lewis Grizzard

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. — Lewis Grizzard

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat. — Lewis Grizzard

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that. — Lewis Grizzard

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. — Lewis Grizzard

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. — Lewis Grizzard

When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care? — Lewis Grizzard

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month. — Lewis Grizzard

Show business is my life. — Lewis Grizzard

Chilli dawgs always bark at night. — Lewis Grizzard

There's no such thing as being too Southern. — Lewis Grizzard

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground. — Lewis Grizzard

Elvis is dead and I don't feel good for myself. — Lewis Grizzard

If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes. — Lewis Grizzard

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing. — Lewis Grizzard

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them. — Lewis Grizzard