Best Jimmy Carr Quotes: top 32 famous quotes about Best Jimmy Carr

Best Jimmy Carr Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Jimmy Carr quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

People with Tourettes ... What makes them tick? — Jimmy Carr

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26. — Jimmy Carr

I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested. — Jimmy Carr

Jimmy Carr is a very nice man who works incredibly hard and has donated loads of money to good causes. He's done absolutely nothing illegal. — Rufus Hound

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh. — Jimmy Carr

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee. — Jimmy Carr

How many airports are there in the world? — Jimmy Carr

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza. — Jimmy Carr

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say. — Jimmy Carr

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could. — Jimmy Carr

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off! — Jimmy Carr

People say, "Now you've given up booze at least you can remember what you did last night." I say, "Yeah, nothing." - Frank Skinner — Jimmy Carr

I pay what I have to and not a penny more. — Jimmy Carr

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. — Jimmy Carr

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. — Jimmy Carr

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros. — Jimmy Carr

Jesus loves you ... He's not 'in love' with you. — Jimmy Carr

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true. — Jimmy Carr

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'. — Jimmy Carr

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before. — Jimmy Carr

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other ... — Jimmy Carr

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly. — Jimmy Carr

When someone close to you dies, move seats. — Jimmy Carr

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident. — Jimmy Carr

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr

When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they call it chlamydia. — Jimmy Carr

Not since Jimmy Carr have I seen a cold computer programme on stage generate so much laughter. — Robin Ince

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? — Jimmy Carr

Creationists, the right-wing Christians, creationists believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer. — Jimmy Carr

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it. — Jimmy Carr

Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums. — Jimmy Carr